I do everything and I still smell apparently

[IApparentlySmell]

I’ll preface this with my brother is autistic, I suspect my mum is also on the spectrum.

I have a 7yo DC and I’m a single parent.
We both shower daily, change our pants everyday and brush our teeth everyday. I change clothes when they’re dirty or smell unless it’s very hot and we’ve been sweating.

DC goes to school, a holiday club and after school activities none of whom have ever raised a safeguarding concern about DCs hygiene. DC also has a couple of medical issues and is seen regularly by HCPs and doctors, no-one has ever said there are any issues with their hygiene.

I’ve held down full and part time jobs outside the home, and never had issues with my own hygiene raised either.

Yet every single time I see either my mum or brother or my DC does I get told “You stink” “You need a bath” “You really need to do something about your smell” “(DC) really needs a bath like now” even 2 seconds after I’ve got out of the shower at their homes (as I shower at their request) I get told “You need deodorant like now”. When I’ve put deodorant on in front of them they tell me that I need more or they can’t tell I’m wearing it.

Now my house apparently stinks, and I’m nose blind to it. Yet I’ve had my landlord over to do repairs and no concerns where raised about that either. Apparently the smell must be rubbing off on me and DC and thats why we smell so bad.

I’m at a lose, and think I basically I have to lose my family because I can’t cope with the constant comments and I know they can’t help it due to the ASD.
Just ranting really, my MH isn’t great atm and I just feel this is another stick to beat me with me.

Cuck00soup, it’s perfectly possible for OP to be smelly straight after a shower if she put her original clothes back on!
OP says she only changes underwear daily, and wears her outer clothes until they are “dirty or smelly”. Particularly as she has a cat litter tray in her home, a t shirt that has absorbed the litter smell and then been worn for a second day (or worse, a third!) will be very definitely detectable to an autistic nose.
I accept that autistics are not noted for tact - we often simply state facts, without considering others may react emotionally rather than logically.
But they may perhaps have done OP a favour, in warning her that her hygiene needs addressed, where neurotypical people would be too diplomatic to say anything.

@Babdoc

Or they learn some manners. How bout that?

This sounds awful.
I'd be worried your dc will develop a complex, perhaps even ocd because of this....

I suspect your clothes may smell if you’re drying them inside. Do they dry quickly or does it take a while? I also wash tops after every wear, sweaty or not.

OP "I change clothes when they’re dirty or smell"

also wondering how often things get washed in that case.

re damp, I lived in a place with damp and only realised how much my outdoor coat was absorbing it after a month or so. No visible damp but a very slight odour in the hall cupboard.

I have autism and I suspect they’re not lying and can actually smell you, even if other people can’t. I am REALLY sensitive to smells - I shower every single day, wear clean clothes every day, wash bedding at 60 degs and change every week. If other people don’t do this I can notice it - and I hate it. I do accept this is my issue and not theirs though - your family is being rude even if they don’t realise it and they shouldn’t keep on at you but at the same time I bet you do smell to them. It will probably be the indoor cat, the bedding not being changed weekly and the way you don’t change clothes daily for fresh ones.

My Mum (who I didn’t get on with but that’s a different story) had 3 dogs and would harp on about how clean her house was and how clean she was but to me she absolutely stank. 🙈

*change bedding

If you have no outside space a dehumidifier is great for drying clothes. I stick mine in a cupboard with the wet clothes hung up in winter and the water gets sucked out pretty quickly, avoiding that damp smell. They're great for getting condensation out of the house too which will help if damp is the problem

I find even now that I absorb cooking smells, despite having the extractor fan on.

My daughters autistic and she thinks everyone but her stinks.
We have worked on her not saying it out loud though and to keep her thoughts inside.
She also vomits when people eat things like eggs or celery because her sense of smell is in overdrive.

The majority of people stink.
People that dry their clothes indoors always smell musty.
People that don't floss their teeth or brush their tongue.
People that have quick showers and don't scrub their armpits especially.
Shower gel users stink - use unscented soap.
Vacuum and dust your house.
If you've had clothes in the wardrobe for too long - wash them.
Get a tumble dryer.
People who eat rubbish stink too - it seethes out of their pores.
People with pets stink although they won't hear a word of it.
People that have open plan kitchens - house always smells.
If the above doesn't apply to you then fine.
If it does, change it, then no issues.
Maybe your house has damp/ mould - check that out.

Your sheets really should be washed weekly especially in the summer along with perhaps not so fresh clothes I think you might possibly be a bit whiffy but they do sound rude( or it might be them being very blunt to get the point across.)

I'm ND & extremely sensitive to smells. I tend to almost taste them. I have to wash & change my clothes daily as I often smell too.

They are not being reasonable tho. Every one & every place smells, you can't eradicate your own smell. It's impossible. Those people who mask their natural scent with perfume are even worse for me. Especially in a swimming pool, where smells float on the water.

See them outside & stand up to them.

Agree you are being bullied too. My sister was always very rude to me about my smell, it's very hurtful.

Blimey
I thought I had an acute sense of smell!

@IVFPrayingForBioChild open plan kitchens, erm that's a new one! A door isn't going to stop a strong food smell regardless! Things like bacon stink are easily removed by showering and cleaning the cooker hood.

And drying indoors is fine. Use a dehumidifier or wide open windows, definitely don't waste energy on a tumble drier all year.

Some of these are accurate though.

Have they had COVID recently. Smell disturbance is reported not just loss of smell. Otherwise they are messing with your head.

I can only afford to put the washer on twice a week, one of those is my DCs school uniform/clothes, I literally cannot afford any more than that due to the cost of electric. Clothes have to be worn until they're dirty/smell, I don't have enough clothes to change daily.

I wash at 60 though.

I did say I'm a single parent.

I will change the cats litter more often.

I have nowhere else to put the airer but my bedroom, right next to the radiator, if I'm in my room working or sleeping the airer has to go away as the room is small. DC isn't much bigger either. I put it as close to the window as I can.

I will look into a dehumidifier.

Sometimes smells that seem nice to others stink to a person hypersensitive to smell. So maybe it's actually your shower gel etc?

Also how you wash? Some people have a good scrub and others don't. And how often you wash your clothes and with what.

Maybe the mixture of all the different smells you acquired over the day.

You could try finding a smell that they like too. A body spray maybe? And use that

@Craver I think they have but they don't believe covid exists so won't test or have the vaccines (whole other thread)

But my brothers always been like this, since me being a teenager. I'm now in my 30s, so some 20 years.

If it bothers them that much ask them to do your washing for you so you can wash stuff more regularly?

Do you wear deodorant OP?

You may or may not have a slight odour. The fact is you are doing your best.
Have you asked if your mother and brother want to chip in for your electric bill so you can afford to do an extra couple of washes a week?
Either way, autistic or not I would be telling them to get to the far side of fuck especially commenting on a 7 year old child!

Do you have clothes you could leave at there house. So it gets their smell over time and just wear whilst your there? Maybe a onsie/pyjamas. They can wash those for you

*their

I don’t know about the OP, but this thread has made me very paranoid about how I smell. 😐