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Original poster

DP not ready to get married

130 replies

Cocopogo · 27/07/2022 21:56

We have been together 4 years, engaged for 6 months. I want to get married next year as my mum is unwell and I don’t want her to be too poorly or worse. DP insists we get married in 3 years time because he’s not ready now.
He has form for saying he’ll do stuff at some later date and then when that time comes quicker than he realised, backing out.
He says we can’t afford to get married next year but it’s him that wants a big wedding, I’m not interested in all the fuss I just want my family there.

OP posts:
CantaloupeMelon · 28/07/2022 08:56

After 4 years what would change in 3 more? - nothing. He's future faking you.

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 28/07/2022 11:11

Cocopogo · 27/07/2022 23:47

DD has been struggling and he’s really stepped up and been a big emotional support recently so that’s why I didn’t leave when we argued about the key.
He obviously isn’t at same place as me in terms of commitment but after 4 years what would change in 3 more?

Nothing will change.

Except you will have wasted another 3 years on this clown

HoneyIShrunkThePizza · 28/07/2022 11:24

He might marry you in a few years if nothing better comes along. Vile man, stringing you and your child along. He cheated on you, reeled you back in and now reneged on his promises. Plus he strangely doesn't want his partner of 4 years in his house unannounced.

NiqueNique · 28/07/2022 11:31

This thread can’t easy to read, @Cocopogo, so Flowers for you.

You need to dig deep, find the strength to expect better (much better!) from a man who is to be your partner in life, and do right by yourself and your children.

MozzarellaMonster · 28/07/2022 11:49

Personally after being cheated on then clearly being led up the garden path I'd let this one go and move on.

tribpot · 28/07/2022 11:50

Just trying to work out the timeline of the key.

Did you ask for that recently? Or did you ask for it, say, 3 years ago (1 year into your relationship) and he's just recently given you a key now the required 3 years have elapsed?

Costacoffeeplease · 28/07/2022 11:51

Why would you want to marry someone who has already cheated on you and is delaying arranging a wedding?

Original poster
Cocopogo · 28/07/2022 11:54

@NiqueNique you’re right it’s not easy to read.

Not sure what I expected but got affirmation of what I already knew.

OP posts:
newfriend05 · 28/07/2022 11:55

Cocopogo · 27/07/2022 22:45

I didn’t push no, but I told him I’d like to get married and then left him when he cheated on me. He said he was sorry and didn’t want to lose me and wanted to spend his life with me and asked me to marry him, so I said yes and other than the actually wedding he has been making more of an effort with my DC etc.
But we also argued when I asked for a key to his house (and offered my spare key) when I was left outside waiting for him to return and he said no and said he’d give me one in 3 years.

Why are you accepting this , you worth more .. leave your just wasting time on a man who doesn't value you

OhCobblers · 28/07/2022 12:10

Cocopogo · 28/07/2022 11:54

@NiqueNique you’re right it’s not easy to read.

Not sure what I expected but got affirmation of what I already knew.

Really sorry for you OP.
But please raise your own bar and have much much higher expectations.
Throw this one back.
You were right to do it last time.
Xx

Frazzled2207 · 28/07/2022 12:14

Cocopogo · 27/07/2022 22:45

I didn’t push no, but I told him I’d like to get married and then left him when he cheated on me. He said he was sorry and didn’t want to lose me and wanted to spend his life with me and asked me to marry him, so I said yes and other than the actually wedding he has been making more of an effort with my DC etc.
But we also argued when I asked for a key to his house (and offered my spare key) when I was left outside waiting for him to return and he said no and said he’d give me one in 3 years.

Wtf! Honestly you can do so much better. Don’t marry him whatever you do. Ideally just leave him.

Sunnysideup · 28/07/2022 12:18

Oh dear op this is very sad and desperate. I mean what’s he got to do sign in blood this is only till he meets someone else.

please stop. You’re worth more,really. Don’t do this to yourself.

Nanny0gg · 28/07/2022 12:38

Cocopogo · 27/07/2022 22:45

I didn’t push no, but I told him I’d like to get married and then left him when he cheated on me. He said he was sorry and didn’t want to lose me and wanted to spend his life with me and asked me to marry him, so I said yes and other than the actually wedding he has been making more of an effort with my DC etc.
But we also argued when I asked for a key to his house (and offered my spare key) when I was left outside waiting for him to return and he said no and said he’d give me one in 3 years.

You need to realise this is going nowhere (except on his terms)

Get rid

SaltandPepper22 · 28/07/2022 12:39

Your DP “not being ready” is nonsense OP.

That is not to say that it is not perfectly reasonable to not be ready, but if you propose it is because you are wanting to plan a wedding and get married. Why will he be ready in 3 years time but not now? What will have changed? Bearing in mind a wedding in 3 years time will likely need to be booked in around 18 months time.

How did the engagement come about?

For context my own fiancé took longer to be ready to be engaged and married than me. Our wedding was booked within 6 weeks of getting engaged.

SaltandPepper22 · 28/07/2022 12:40

Sorry OP I realise you have explained how the engagement came about already. This is harsh but it sounds as though he did not really want to marry you, just didn’t want you to leave him after the cheating and needed to do something big to get you to take him back

KettrickenSmiled · 28/07/2022 12:44

Cocopogo · 27/07/2022 22:45

I didn’t push no, but I told him I’d like to get married and then left him when he cheated on me. He said he was sorry and didn’t want to lose me and wanted to spend his life with me and asked me to marry him, so I said yes and other than the actually wedding he has been making more of an effort with my DC etc.
But we also argued when I asked for a key to his house (and offered my spare key) when I was left outside waiting for him to return and he said no and said he’d give me one in 3 years.

So the proposal is his attempt to keep hold of you after cheating on you.
Not very alluring, is it?

He is a Future Faker OP.
Sorry to say it so bluntly, but this man sounds like he has form for moving his mouth to make words come out that he thinks you will like the sound of.
"I'll give you a key in 3 years" is such transparent bullshit he ought to be embarrassed.

But he isn't, because it's working just fine for him.
Here you are, with no wedding being arranged, no key in your possession, & forgiving his cheating because he has made some noises about marriage.
Oh - & up til now he has not made enough effort with your DC, but is making a show of it now because he knows you are pissed off.

Why are you putting up with this crap?

Wishimaywishimight · 28/07/2022 12:56

It's not a question of why doesn't he want to marry you, more a question of why on earth you would want to marry him!

CharlotteRose90 · 28/07/2022 13:07

You aren’t the one for him and he doesn’t want to marry you. I’m so sorry but it’s as simple as that. He’s feeling the pressure the marry you .

girlmom21 · 28/07/2022 13:09

CharlotteRose90 · 28/07/2022 13:07

You aren’t the one for him and he doesn’t want to marry you. I’m so sorry but it’s as simple as that. He’s feeling the pressure the marry you .

He's not feeling any pressure to marry her at all. He knew exactly what he needed to say to get back in her good books after he cheated. He has no intention of getting married and is making it abundantly clear.

CharlotteRose90 · 28/07/2022 13:35

girlmom21 · 28/07/2022 13:09

He's not feeling any pressure to marry her at all. He knew exactly what he needed to say to get back in her good books after he cheated. He has no intention of getting married and is making it abundantly clear.

Show quote history

He is. She mentioned to him that she wanted to get married and he thought the only way to keep the relationship is to do it. Now it’s got down the line and unfortunately he knows her mum is ill he’s feeling the pressure to set a date etc . They need to break up. He doesn’t want to marry her.

Fuzzyhippo · 28/07/2022 13:38

I've been with mine for 7 years and he isn't even ready to be engaged. I honestly feel if men know they're with the right person they won't hesitate for a second. But for me I think that ship has definitely long sailed

GG1986 · 28/07/2022 14:29

My ex proposed after being together a year, when i started asking when we should get married, he said something along the lines of "no idea, not yet though and you can plan it all" he never mentioned it again, I still have no idea why he bothered, I was only 19, he was 23. Anyway he was a tosser and a cheat and I dumped him 18 months later and thank god I never married him!

Spohn · 28/07/2022 16:31

What will have changed in 3yrs? A dreadful example of a relationship for your kids, regular STD checks, another few lovers and more of your life you’ll never get back. You should be delighted to not be legally shackled to this low quality, dirty scammer.

Spohn · 28/07/2022 18:24

Your own words, from almost a year ago:

’I won’t forgive him this time. It’s isn’t just the cheating, it’s the mood swings, the misogyny and the shit sex.’

wellhelloitsme · 28/07/2022 18:32

OP please read back your previous threads on here. This man is bad news. He's horrible.

You've had a really tough couple of hours with your DD and you deserve to not have your life made even harder.

This relationship is absolute madness, doing you damage and can't be helping the dynamics in the home your DD is struggling in.

Please put yourself and her first, end this shit relationship and focus on the two of you for now Flowers