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Original poster

Did your DH love you more or less after kids?

104 replies

cheveux · 26/07/2022 23:48

As the title really -
If you had a husband or partner who really loved and supported you pre-kids, did having kids make him more or less loving of you?

My husband is an incredible husband - I am absolutely his number one priority and I feel really loved and adored by him. I wonder if having kids will change the way he treats me? What are your experiences?

OP posts:
Daydreamsinsantafe · 26/07/2022 23:54

Yes definitely loves me more but that’s likely also due to the passage of time too.
Im very much the centre of my household and feel cherished by everyone. The children tease DH about doing anything I ask.
im sure it will be the same for you.

vroom321 · 27/07/2022 00:13

No idea to be honest

mackthepony · 27/07/2022 00:14

A lot less

Original poster
cheveux · 27/07/2022 00:15

@Daydreamsinsantafe This warmed my heart 😊

OP posts:
Original poster
cheveux · 27/07/2022 00:15

@mackthepony Do you know why? Do you love him less as well?

OP posts:
bert3400 · 27/07/2022 00:28

Definitely more, 2 DS who are the centre of our world. But DH absolutely adores me and i adore him. When I'm joking about with the boys, as I often do, I can see him looking at me with complete love. I just feel we are a real team, united together for our kids

bellsbuss · 27/07/2022 00:30

He loves me more, as the mother of his children he has the most upmost respect and love for me. I truly couldn't ask for a kinder more loving husband.

TobySpaniel · 27/07/2022 00:32

My DH and I have been an item for a long time, approx 15 years. We are a great team and actually it was a worry that a baby would get in the way of 'us'. He started calling me 'Mum' when I was pregnant last year, and I just totally feel the center of our household - like PP said.
It's great.
And if he doesn't make you feel this way, or you have a feeling he won't - find someone who will!!!!

hellosunshineagainx · 27/07/2022 00:32

bert3400 · 27/07/2022 00:28

Definitely more, 2 DS who are the centre of our world. But DH absolutely adores me and i adore him. When I'm joking about with the boys, as I often do, I can see him looking at me with complete love. I just feel we are a real team, united together for our kids

I echo this. DH definitely loves me more

Winter2020 · 27/07/2022 00:47

I'm not sure but I loved him when he helped me with my personal care after a cesarean without hesitation/did my anti clot injectiins with no drama.

I loved how he waited on me (tenderley) for his weeks paternity leave after my cesarean so I could care for baby without barely having to get up!

Being parents does strain our relationship now though (and our youngest is 4) as we both work and tag team the childcare and so little time together/tiring etc.

Original poster
cheveux · 27/07/2022 08:43

@TobySpaniel we’re in a very similar situation - have been together a long time just us and wondered how a baby fits into that. I’m happy to read how things worked for you.

OP posts:
Sally872 · 27/07/2022 08:48

My children are my priority, they are also dh's priority (i would be disappointed in him if they weren't). My dh is also a priority but after the children so that is different.

We love each other just as much and are more of a team than before but no adoring or spoiling each other. We do have some time together though, and support each other to see friends for some child free time. I feel more connection to him than before kids although we do have less time/attention for each other. Still have similar goals and aims in life so we don't mind too much.

prisscalledwanda · 27/07/2022 08:50

@bert3400 put it perfectly. Exactly the same for me. I think after kids you have an even stronger sense of being a little family unit and it is wonderful.

Skinnermarink · 27/07/2022 08:51

Less. It’s much harder being a wife than a mum. Well that’s my experience anyway. I fell head over heels with love for the baby and sort of lost the feeling for DH.

im still hopeful I’ll get it back one day.

GlumyGloomer · 27/07/2022 08:58

Less, I didn't live up to his Mary Poppins mum ideals.

Original poster
cheveux · 27/07/2022 09:00

@Skinnermarink how did you feel about being a wife before you were a Mum? Did your feelings for your husband post-children surprise you? I honestly can’t imagine losing the feeling for DH or vice versa but I have heard of it happening to others.

OP posts:
obsessedwithsleep · 27/07/2022 09:03

We love each other just as much, probably more. But it is very different.

Original poster
cheveux · 27/07/2022 09:04

@obsessedwithsleep would you mind sharing how it’s different?

OP posts:
Samanabanana · 27/07/2022 09:08

I think we love each other the same, but it's different now. The DC are the priority, not each other. Especially in the early years. But we are a great team and do anything for each other. Even if we are both grumpy due to a chronic lack of sleep Grin We found the adjustment of going from just us two to a family difficult though as we were so wrapped up in each other for such a long time before DC1 came along

iknowthismuchis · 27/07/2022 09:08

Differently. It's more "bonded together for life, family" love than the fun carefree love it was before but our son is absolutely the priority for both of us.

Original poster
cheveux · 27/07/2022 09:13

Have any of you minded not being the priority anymore? Or have any of your husbands?

I’m an only child so have always been someone’s top priority and I do sometimes feel strangely about not being! I always remember an article I read years ago about a woman who said she still loved her husband more than her children, and I sort of always hoped my husband would feel like that! But then I talked about this with my mother and she said I probably wouldn’t want that once I had kids.

OP posts:
iknowthismuchis · 27/07/2022 09:22

I suspect you wouldn't want it when you have kids. I would be disappointed if DH loved me more than our son. I'm interested to know how you would have felt if your parents had loved each other more than they loved you (no judgement at all, just interested in what you think)

Original poster
cheveux · 27/07/2022 09:35

@iknowthismuchis When I was little spending time one-on-one with my parents I would always ask them who they loved more - me or the other one. I was always VERY concerned with amounts of love from a young age! My Mum always said me and my Dad always said he loved us both the same, but really I think once I was older I felt we all loved each other equally. I think it was hard with a 3 because I always felt we operated as a very close unit - and then I moved into an incredibly close unit relationship with my husband.

OP posts:
TitInATrance · 27/07/2022 09:39

Less. The children became his number one priority, and his narrative changed from “marrying you had changed my life” to “becoming a father is the most wonderful thing ever”.

He did love me though.

iknowthismuchis · 27/07/2022 09:41

Maybe you'll all love each other equally in your family with DH then? The difference for me is, I would sacrifice anything in the world for my child, as would DH. We used to laugh at the song grenade by Bruno Mars (like "yeah I love you, absolutely not catching a grenade for you) we would both catch a grenade for DS. I just think it's a different kind of love. With DH I can be myself completely with no filters. Its just different