I'm not invited to the christening of my friends baby.....

[tvgatlop]

Today is my friends little boys christening.
I wasn't invited.
She is my best friend of 20 years.
She has 2 friends me and another girl she works with....this girl is the godmother.

I'm gutted.
We speak most days,she rings me etc
Have days out for birthdays /Christmas

They are going to church then going for a meal at a fancy estate.
I'm gutted that I'm not invited
I could understand if she had lots of friends ..but there's just 2.

Would you be upset too?
She said I hope your not upset about the no invite ...she said it's just family and godparents (but obviously still hurts )

She isn't your best friend

Your clearly not her best friend if your not godmother and weren't invited op. I'd reevaluate your friendship.

She said I hope your not upset about the no invite

so how did she respond when you explained you were upset?

Christenings are usually part of the normal church service, why can’t you just go?

Is the other friend the same religion - maybe that’s why she’s godmother?

Otherwise, ouch. She should at least have explained why you weren’t invited. This will forever affect the friendship - it’s a trust destroyer for sure. Sorry OP.

Did she maybe mean just not invited to the meal bit?

I don’t think she’s done anything wrong but I can see why this hurts a bit if the other friend is godmother and therefore gets to attend. This kind of thing does just sting. I had something similar when a good friend invited a number of our mutual friends to her wedding but only invited me to the evening do. These things are usually about cost and I could see why arrangements were that way but it hurt quite a lot at the time. But that friend has remained a dear friend to me and our friendship has remained very solid and the bigger picture is more important to me than the one-off. It sounds like you are very important to her overall and that’s the main thing.

Disagree with everyone- lots of factors might drive who you want as godparents it’s not a measure of your friendship. If it is about attending the ceremony then I think PP is right. Ask if you can attend church service and wish them well.

Ooft, ouch. You are simply not as important to her, as she is to you. I am sorry op, no wonder that hurts.

Step back from the friendship for a bit and see what happens.

How religious are you? And how religious is she? If she’s particularly religious, maybe her friend is too and she’s chosen someone who sees it as a more spiritual role.

Sounds to me like it is immediate family + godparents. Fairly common actually, rather than a big party, like some do.

My close friend of (now) 45 years standing didn't invite me to any of her 3 children's christenings because they just had immediate family & godparents. I was never asked to be a godmother because - quite rightly - they wanted godparents who actually believed in God. As it happens, I went on to have close relationships with all of the children (now aged between 31 and 22), babysat for them for weekends when their parents went away, took them on treats etc, never missed an Xmas or birthday and stayed far more involved than most of their godparents. I am also still close to my friend & her husband, even tho we have lived a couple of hundred miles apart from each other for all of our adult lives.
So the point is that a baptism is a specific religious ceremony but a relationship - with both parent & child - can be for life.

Do you think she should have had 2 godmothers so that you didn’t feel slighted?

Reasons she might have chosen other friend:
Religion
Other friend isn’t and probably won’t be a parent so more time to devote to a god child
Other friend asked her to be godmother to her child
Other reasons too specific for me to have thought of.

The meal was for close family and godparents. They were obviously having a very small do. Do you think your friend should pay for your lunch after her child’s Christening just because?

There are lots of ways to show friendship. It doesn’t have to mean she picks you each and every time.

I can fully understand why you do feel hurt and as others have said there could be a few reasons. At least she has, sort of, explained and hope you’re not offended.
One of my long term friends has behaved like this towards me in the past. I have adopted the stance of ‘ it’s not the action or words that matter, it’s how you react’. I withdraw for a short while and decide how I’m going to react. We are still good friend.

Seemed to have missed off a couple of ‘s’🫢

I think it's hurtful and will change the dynamics of the friendship

I think you are being unreasonable. She might only have two friends but how many friends does her husband have? she chose someone else as godparent and only family and godparents at the baptism.

Could be other friend more spiritual? Are you a churchgoer? Why didn't you say that you'd like to go to the ceremony anyway?

I'd be honest and say 'yes, I am very upset and it's made me realise our friendship is not what I thought it was'.

I think if it was just a case of you not being asked to be godparent then you can be upset but she can choose who she wants. It's quite odd for you to be excluded entirely I think, she obviously realises this is hurtful, hence her comment. Since she asked, I would say something.

No she's not religious in the slightest and neither am I.

Seems a bit odd not inviting you to the ceremony - you don’t pay per person.

like others said, you aren’t as important to her as the other friend, I would give this friendship a little space (until it stops hurting)

Didn't you post about this a while ago?