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Original poster

I'm not invited to the christening of my friends baby.....

110 replies

tvgatlop · 24/07/2022 13:09

Today is my friends little boys christening.
I wasn't invited.
She is my best friend of 20 years.
She has 2 friends me and another girl she works with....this girl is the godmother.

I'm gutted.
We speak most days,she rings me etc
Have days out for birthdays /Christmas

They are going to church then going for a meal at a fancy estate.
I'm gutted that I'm not invited
I could understand if she had lots of friends ..but there's just 2.

Would you be upset too?
She said I hope your not upset about the no invite ...she said it's just family and godparents (but obviously still hurts )

OP posts:
Panamera22 · 24/07/2022 14:50

OP I recently distanced myself completely from a very long term friendship over very similar circumstances- except my user friend didn’t acknowledge that I might be hurt re lack of an invite - just mentioned it in passing that other friend attended.

its shitty and I know how you feel - do you think that you may have placed more emphasis on the friendship than she did? She had this other lady as godmother- you did not warrant an invite - probably because it would be glaring to everyone that she considered her a closer friend than you.

none of this is a reflection of you - I’m so sorry you are hurt

Minimalme · 24/07/2022 14:52

I had this - I was a practising Catholic and just invited family and child's Godparents.

One friend took huge offence at not being invited but christenings were about religious observance for me rather than a social opportunity.

If you are not religious op, why do you want to go? Maybe your friend has married a Catholic and they have tonnes of family to host and she picked her other friend because she knows a bit about it all.

Christening are boring any way.

User48751490 · 24/07/2022 14:55

Purplecatshopaholic · 24/07/2022 13:20

Ooft, ouch. You are simply not as important to her, as she is to you. I am sorry op, no wonder that hurts.

Exactly this.

Been friends with someone where I thought more of them than they did of me. Time soon was the teller....

Panamera22 · 24/07/2022 14:58

OP I second what others have said - retreat from
the friendship - she is aware that her behaviour is off and you will be hurt - she raised it with you. Also, she knows you well enough to know that would upset you - why not take you to one side and explain her reasons. She still wants you around hence the trying to smooth over things but she is not someone who will try to avoid hurting you so really - is she a friend?

LuckyLil · 24/07/2022 15:04

Minimalme · 24/07/2022 14:52

I had this - I was a practising Catholic and just invited family and child's Godparents.

One friend took huge offence at not being invited but christenings were about religious observance for me rather than a social opportunity.

If you are not religious op, why do you want to go? Maybe your friend has married a Catholic and they have tonnes of family to host and she picked her other friend because she knows a bit about it all.

Christening are boring any way.

But the friend having the christening isn't even religious herself. Seems more like a show christening for someone that only goes to church for funerals.

badhappening · 24/07/2022 15:07

She's selfish and very very thoughtless.
There aren't any excuses for such poor behaviour.
Personally, I couldn't recover from that and I would have to ditch her (and I would tell her why).

worriedatthistime · 24/07/2022 15:19

I would of answered well yes of course I am hurt to not be invited , if it was the other way would you not be ?
Seeing as she isn't religious anyway so its not being done for that , ie picking a godmother of same religion: practising
Obviously she can invite who she likes but you can also feel upset by it
I have never had my children christened as we don't go to church so therefore it seems pointless but if I did i would invite all my close friends

EV117 · 24/07/2022 15:32

Did you talk together about the christening at all? I think if you’re close friends but she had a good reason not to invite you she would have explained. I think maybe you’re just not as close as you thought.

EV117 · 24/07/2022 15:33

Would you be upset too?
She said I hope your not upset about the no invite ...she said it's just family and godparents (but obviously still hurts )

Sorry I missed this bit. I don’t think it’s a big deal then really 🤷‍♀️

Ohmydayssilleople · 24/07/2022 15:36

Yes I understand why you are hurt!!It's called being a human being with feelings...absolutely nothing wrong with that !

KindleBlanketsandmugoftea · 24/07/2022 15:41

Maybe the Church has rules that it's family & godparents only? Ours did due to covid so that could be the reason. Or else she just wanted godparents and immediate family

Darhon · 24/07/2022 15:59

Similarish thing happened to me beating 20 years ago. Never felt the same about the friendship again. Remained friends but downgraded her emotionally. She clearly did not feel the same about me as I did about her.

Sexnotgender · 24/07/2022 18:23

tvgatlop · 24/07/2022 14:42

No she's not religious in the slightest and neither am I.

Why on earth is she having her child christened and having godparents then?

I don’t understand that.

Sexnotgender · 24/07/2022 18:24

And why are you upset if you’re not a godparent if you’re not in the slightest religious?

Original poster
tvgatlop · 24/07/2022 19:30

I'm upset because she's meant to be my good friend and I didn't even make the cut

OP posts:
Palg68 · 24/07/2022 19:42

FridayiminlovewithRobertSmith · 24/07/2022 13:17

Disagree with everyone- lots of factors might drive who you want as godparents it’s not a measure of your friendship. If it is about attending the ceremony then I think PP is right. Ask if you can attend church service and wish them well.

Massively disagree with you here. It's common knowledge that OP could attend the church IF that's what her best friend wanted. Would it cost that much extra to invite 1 more person. Unless OP has upset her friend in some way this doesn't justify her friends reason.

They can't be best friends quite clearly if a friend at all....

Panamera22 · 24/07/2022 20:07

tvgat I’m sure it’s so gutting for you - some people arent meant as friends I think - they can’t reciprocate a friendship what they need are acquaintances - as that is the limit of what they are capable of. I often imagine these people sitting alone in a room in their later years puzzled as to why no one bothers visiting them. You have clearly invested a lot in that friendship which is why it stings as it does. That’s normal. Try to take what you can out if it -she has shown you how she feels about you. The power is with you now - you can decide to challenge her- tell her how you feel or end the friendship or retreat. Whatever works best for you!!

Original poster
tvgatlop · 24/07/2022 22:32

So turns out pics have just gone up on Facebook.
The girl who she asked to be godmother-her mum is there
Not just the church but the actual after meal etc

OP posts:
Catlover1970 · 24/07/2022 23:30

tvgatlop · 24/07/2022 22:32

So turns out pics have just gone up on Facebook.
The girl who she asked to be godmother-her mum is there
Not just the church but the actual after meal etc

I can see why you are hurt. She obviously prefers the other girl. I’d look for some new friends

DixonD · 25/07/2022 00:04

This happened to me. I didn’t even know about the christening until I saw it on Facebook. I felt awful. She too said it was just family.

Our friendship did not survive and it’s now been three years since I last saw her or spoke to her. It still hurts when I think about her and I miss her terribly. But, I clearly thought more of her than she did of me and I had to step back to protect myself.

User48751490 · 25/07/2022 07:48

Catlover1970 · 24/07/2022 23:30

I can see why you are hurt. She obviously prefers the other girl. I’d look for some new friends

Show quote history

I agree. Just best to consider distancing yourself. Draw a line under this and move on.

TartanGirl1 · 25/07/2022 08:14

Are you upset about not being godparent or not being invited?

MerryMarigold · 25/07/2022 08:19

TartanGirl1 · 25/07/2022 08:14

Are you upset about not being godparent or not being invited?

If it were me, I'd be upset that

A. I wasn't invited despite being a very close friend
B. Being lied to that it was only godparents and immediate family (the other friend's mum was invited!)
C. What those things imply about our friendship (I'm not important, she doesn't really like me etc etc)

billy1966 · 25/07/2022 08:23

OP,

She is not your best friend, not even a good friend.

The other friends mother attending is the issue and you weren't invited.

Her choice completely but I wouldn't dream of thinking someone who would do this was my best friend.

No need to fall out but you need to step back from her.

Focus on other friends and relationships.

Make an effort to make new friends.

Do not be available constantly for this person.

What she did was unnecessarily hurtful.

Have self respect and focus on other relationships, if you don't you cannot be surprised if this is the way you are treated.

It sounds as if you are useful to her.
Do you listen to her a lot?
If so, stop doing that.

RockinHorseShit · 25/07/2022 08:30

No she's not religious in the slightest and neither am I

In which case you have every right to feel side lined & upset. We were in this sort of situation & just had extra godparents.

I'd be stepping right back from this friendship

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