I'm not invited to the christening of my friends baby.....

[tvgatlop]

Today is my friends little boys christening.
I wasn't invited.
She is my best friend of 20 years.
She has 2 friends me and another girl she works with....this girl is the godmother.

I'm gutted.
We speak most days,she rings me etc
Have days out for birthdays /Christmas

They are going to church then going for a meal at a fancy estate.
I'm gutted that I'm not invited
I could understand if she had lots of friends ..but there's just 2.

Would you be upset too?
She said I hope your not upset about the no invite ...she said it's just family and godparents (but obviously still hurts )

@MerryMarigold

A. Nothing wrong with only inviting family and godparents.
B. Did she lie or was there a change in circumstances? Eg her partner was invited but couldn't manage so she took her mum.
C. If OP is upset about not being godparent she should ask. There may be a good reason.

No it's not even the godparent thing
It's the fact I wasn't even invited
Her friends mum got a invite but not a friend of over 20 years.
I listen to her nearly every day on the phone whilst she rants and sounds off about her marriage ..
The pictures I'm looking at and clearly it's not just family -it's her partners friends and their kids etc
I'm not going to make a big deal of it but at the same time I'm not going to answer the phone this week and speak to her -because I'm upset and I don't want to be fake about it.

It's because her friends mum got a invite but I couldn't be invited (squeezed in )

Well that steps things up a notch! You are right to feel upset and I agree that you should not make contact with her, give yourself space to assess your feelings.
From what you have said, she obviously off loads onto you. I would wait until she makes contact with you and calmly ask how the christening went and explain how hurt you feel. Then I would ask her where she thinks your friendship is going? If she is negative, then you’ve lost nothing other than a friend who isn’t a friend. At least you might get an explanation.
in your original post, you say she only had 2 friends, maybe this is why.

OP I feel awful for you - this woman is so stupid!
and cruel!. It’s staggering that she had so little self-awareness- retreat from her - she’s at best a bad acquaintance! You are worth so much more than her attempt at friendship.

I think you are quite right to be upset. You don't have to be a godparent to go to a christening.

I'd avoid her too. Why were you less important than x number of other people?

Just a thought.

Are you a bit of a party animal & no kids?

DH didn't want his close female friend as GM because he saw her as leading DD astray as she got older & wouldn't get you can't do that with kids. I argued for her as her partner was a GF & they came as a pair. She turned out to be the most wonderful, fun & involved godmum & DD sees the son she went into have as a little brother. She changed her career to childcare & was amazing at it. Sadly we lost her a few years ago, but through DD she found her happy place working with kids & she was wonderful

My "safe" long term nanny friend GM with DCs of her own on the other hand, never bothered after the first couple of years & went NC after a silly row & her attitude, rather than her actions killing our friendship when DD was 7

Your "friend" is very short sighted & you deserve way better

Not a party animal in the slightest
No kids yet
Godmother she chose also has no kids either -so that wasn't a deciding factor

I'm torn between saying I'm hurt and not saying anything -for the simple fact I don't want to tarnish her sons christening (if that makes sense )

Her reasoning seems more & more "off" tbh.

If I were you I'd just be stepping away & pretty much ghosting her. Let her reach out to you if she realises what a bitch she has been to you, but unfortunately I wouldn't hold your breath. Hold your head high though, it sounds like she's going to miss your support, way more than you'll miss the stress of supporting her

Yeah I’d be totally over her and pretty much blank her for the foreseeable future (read: forever)

Anything you say will ruin your friendship. Walk away gracefully.

Yeah, in these circumstances I’d be questioning why I was left off the list. Poor you. It feels like a slap in the dish to think that your ‘good friend’ doesn’t value you as highly as you thought, or indeed as you do them.

I'd be upset as well op but I have realised (as I've got older) that friends don't always consider their friends in the same way I do. I am a v loyal friend and consider my closest friends as part of my family.

However when it comes to the big things like weddings and christenings I realised my friends don't feel the same way and blood family always comes first.

What I find strange is that half the time I've listened to years of them moaning about their family however when push comes to shove that's who gets the invite/godparent/bridesmaid gig.

My grandson will be christened soon, and for various reasons only close family and godparents will be invited. There won't be a big party and this is the way his parents want it. No friends other than godparents are being invited. I think it is quite understandable to do it that way. On the other hand... My nephew and his wife had a huge do with loads of friends invited, and I understand that too. It is completely up to the parents.

She couldn’t stop you going to the service. They’re public events even if not part of the main service. But I’m probably going to sound unkind: If you’re not religious why do you care? Is it that you weren’t invited to a meal that is just for family and godparents? Yes I appreciate godmothers mum was there too. It doesn’t matter why you weren’t invited, if the christening means nothing to you it’s just a meal. And if you get upset every time she doesn’t invite you for lunch then that’s weird.

@PurBal my friend has been in my life for over 20 years,regardless if we both aren't religious -she's still celebrating her child's life and giving him a special day -so of course I would like to be a part of it.
I care about her and her kids -I can't help it
Going from fb pics it's clear it wasn't just family /godparents
If she can invite godparents mum but not a friend of over 20 years of course it's gonna hurt -

So you are the friend she rants to and uses?

Yes USES.

Do not bother telling her anything.

Don't give the soot of your upset.

Stop answering that phone and being used.

Find your self respect and no longer be available to be used as a free ear.

I would also feel very hurt by this, not the GP bit but the no invite.
I think I would have to voice my hurt, then step away from the friendship. She obviously likes having you around when she wants to offload but hasn't got the decency to think how you might feel in this situation.

Big hug I can understand how you feel. I’ve been there best friend but was allowed to go to the christening but had to watch while another friend did the godparent duties - out brave face on all day but left as soon as I could and sobbed my heart out.

so perhaps better you didn’t go!!

Sorry to say but she is not a proper friend to you. The absolute cheek of saying that its just family and godparents then pics being online showing it isn't. You could bring it up to her, to be honest I would probably just take a break from the friendship now and see if she mentions anything about it. Then say what you have to say but remember whatever her response is, it doesn't change the fact that she lied and didn't invite you. At least now you know where you stand with her

Sorry, but as others have said, she clearly doesn’t view you as her best friend or even a close friend. Sounds like she just uses you to unload her problems onto. Does she ever give anything back? I can understand why you’re upset. I agree with your plan not to respond or text back for at least a week. Let her know you’re upset (either by saying so or by not responding). If she cares about your feelings at all she’ll apologise, maybe explain her thinking in not inviting you and try to mend things. If she does none of these, I’d be making the distance permanent if I were you, painful as it may be, she’s not a friend just a user.

I would feel hurt about this too. I would reduce the emotional importance of this friendship and be open to new friendships. 💐 for you.

Gosh this is very hurtful.

I would absolutely step back from this friendship, she takes it for granted that you will always be there to listen to her, it's like you are the no effort friend.

It's not clear how you found out about the event - did she tell you?

OP,

If you do stay in contact with her, the minute she starts to offload and rant, cut the conversation off.

I bet you you will not see her for dust when she realises you won't listen to her.

The sad truth is when someone is talking and ranting at you about only their problems, you are not their friend.

That is not what real friends do.

What you are is a useful service that is free.

I'm so sorry but she isn't your friend, she doesn't view you as important to her and she doesn't respect you enough to even pretend.

She sees you as someone to be useful to her.

No doubt she will miss the service you provide but thats because she is a user.

You sound like a lovely person, who deserves better.

Don't be used anymore.

You want those you really care about to share your happy moments.

She associates you with listening to her rant, not her happy times.

I'm so sorry but I hope for your sake the penny drops.

@RiverSkater she told me weeks ago when she was looking for the venue.
Then ever since it's been daily updates on her dress /the cake /the party favours /the godmother gift etc etc
It was only last week when I was realised I wasn't invited when she didn't give me clear instructions on time etc