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Original poster

Every boyfriend I have had has mentioned my weight

117 replies

Docmcstuffings · 22/07/2022 19:30

School
uni
work
engagement - (dumped him before I married)
long term love in partner
two shorter term partners

now single obviously never married or had children with any of them

every one of them has had something covertly or less covertly about my weight
5ft 10 - size 10
gym daily
bmi usually 24/25
is this something dick headish men always feel the need to comment on?

i remember going on a date with one over the past couple of years or so who made a habit of looking me up and down very obviously to make it clear they were judging my weight - followed by saying ‘you might want to take a small portion of ice cream, you dont want to get fatter’. ghosted him hard as anything. Now none of these men have been like this to begin with - all came out over a period of time and when they started going on like this they were dumped.

not sure why they had to same anything really - none of them were winning any body building awards.

it got worse the more sucessful in my career I got I noticed (I now earn well over six figures and own my own business - built from scratch). Can anyone shed any light on this? Or are men just like this and you have to accept that they think its ok to mention how much weight you have gained? Pinch your flab? Comment on how much you have eaten? Comment on how slimmer you were when they first met you? Gaslit you into saying ‘its my concern for your health’? ‘Can you not look more like x’… the list goes on.

i have actually said to one before if my bmi was over 40 and i had health issues then perhaps I could take your comments seriously but I clearly am not clinically over weight here.

can anyone shed any light on this phenomenon i have encountered?

OP posts:
Maximoose · 22/07/2022 19:31

I went on a date once and he messaged me after saying “You know you said you were going to start a diet? I think that’s a good thing. You are quite fat.”

Then he was actually devastated when I declined a second date?!?

Okeydoky · 22/07/2022 19:34

No. This is not normal man behaviour. I'm similar to you and have genuinely never had a man comment on my weight.

Well done you for having the self esteem to give them short shrift and show them the door.

Original poster
Docmcstuffings · 22/07/2022 19:34

Maximoose · 22/07/2022 19:31

I went on a date once and he messaged me after saying “You know you said you were going to start a diet? I think that’s a good thing. You are quite fat.”

Then he was actually devastated when I declined a second date?!?

So its not unique?
they just all feel entitled to say something
Thank god i have the self esteem to know its ridiculous

OP posts:
coolernow · 22/07/2022 19:35

that's weird particularly as with your height you will look pretty slim.

ElizabethinherGermanGarden · 22/07/2022 19:35

That's so strange. I'm a lot fatter and no one I've ever been with has ever mentioned it (in a negative way - my ex-husband once said I had thin ankles, but that's literally it). Maybe you have dated knobheads. Not making any grand claims on behalf of ex-husband, who was a knobhead in other ways but not this one.

Original poster
Docmcstuffings · 22/07/2022 19:36

Okeydoky · 22/07/2022 19:34

No. This is not normal man behaviour. I'm similar to you and have genuinely never had a man comment on my weight.

Well done you for having the self esteem to give them short shrift and show them the door.

but what is it about me that makes them want to ‘knock me down a peg or two?!’

one of the shorter two relationships took it upon himself to insist I did weight training daily
i told him i already did that but it was not for the aesthetics of the male gaze and it was to make sure I dont get health issues when older - he was gobsmacked that i didnt work out for the soul purpose of looking a certain way for him

OP posts:
coolernow · 22/07/2022 19:36

I'm similar height & was very skinny as a teen & told so by boys. My DH would worry about my weight & think I wasn't eating enough. However i'm a bit fat now

RagzRebooted · 22/07/2022 19:37

No, definitely not all men. I don't think I've ever had a man comment about my weight and I've only briefly been a size 10 when I was 18 (12-18 varying over the last 20 years).
Perhaps your financial success threatens them and they feel they need to take you down a peg or two, make you feel small and them feel better.
Twats. Find better men (they do exist!).

coolernow · 22/07/2022 19:37

I hope you insult their bodies back.

Original poster
Docmcstuffings · 22/07/2022 19:38

coolernow · 22/07/2022 19:35

that's weird particularly as with your height you will look pretty slim.

I am!! I have always been similar maybe more slim at times or heavier other times. I also hold weight well due to having small boobs and being so tall?! So i can gain a stone with very little evidence of it in clothes

OP posts:
Tickledtrout · 22/07/2022 19:38

Is it a height thing OP? I'm a similar height and my first husband ( in couple counseling) lamenting that he couldn't put me in his pocket. Might be linked to your success too. You're "too much" for them and their misogyny goes for making you somehow less than you are?
Bit deep maybe...
Either way it's them, not you.

ohmyword · 22/07/2022 19:38

I think it's the men you are going for tbh.

coolernow · 22/07/2022 19:38

yes I can gain or lose a stone & no one would notice.

speakout · 22/07/2022 19:39

I have never encountered this OP- I have had many short and long term relationships in the past few decades.
Not one man has ever mentioned my weight.
How do you feel about your weight?

PinkButtercups · 22/07/2022 19:40

One of my ex's I was 17 he was 18 commented on me eating a pack of Doritos and said 'I think that's enough now' it was literally a small pack of crisps. I was a size 6/8!

I sharply said and I think that's enough of you now. Good bye.

Original poster
Docmcstuffings · 22/07/2022 19:40

coolernow · 22/07/2022 19:37

I hope you insult their bodies back.

I dont bother because its basically a waste of energy really

the next woman they date are usually normal sized too so I have no idea what its all about having to insult me?

they have pinched my arms and legs - zoomed into pictures. My live in partner used to just look at me and say ‘youve gained weight’ and walk away?! At the time I was working 100 hour weeks and barely had time to brush my hair. I mean horrific stuff

OP posts:
BiscoffSundae · 22/07/2022 19:41

You’ve posted about this before.... a few times now

Original poster
Docmcstuffings · 22/07/2022 19:42

speakout · 22/07/2022 19:39

I have never encountered this OP- I have had many short and long term relationships in the past few decades.
Not one man has ever mentioned my weight.
How do you feel about your weight?

I love my body!
honestly it has got me through so much in life and has held me so well.
i look after it by eating well, dry brushing and moisturising daily. Stretching and a massage every month

i couldnt care less if I was a stone or two heavier - i think its beautiful

OP posts:
viques · 22/07/2022 19:44

coolernow · 22/07/2022 19:35

that's weird particularly as with your height you will look pretty slim.

Not only looks pretty slim but is pretty slim!

AMindNeedsBooks · 22/07/2022 19:46

Only person who ever commented on my weight was a long term partner after we separated and I went from underweight (BMI of 17.5) to a huge size 10 🙄

I think it's a way of trying to bring you down, particularly as you are a successful person and likely more successful than them. Some men (the misogynistic ones) do not like this. Some feel intimidated.

It seems strange every man has said this to you though, do you go for a particular type? Is there something they've all had in common?

ILoveMonday · 22/07/2022 19:47

I'm quite slim. Men still comment like it's the only thing that defines me. It really pisses me off. Current BF just says I'm beautiful and he'd still love me even if I gained weight.

flowertoday · 22/07/2022 19:49

Anyone , man or woman - friend, family , partner etc, who makes these kind of comments about weight is out of line. It is not OK. It is a sign of someone who is at best shallow, and at worst deeply unpleasant/ abusive. Hope you find someone who deserves you and has more interesting things to say / focus on, which would be, oh yes just about anything

AMindNeedsBooks · 22/07/2022 19:49

BiscoffSundae · 22/07/2022 19:41

You’ve posted about this before.... a few times now

I'm sure she is aware if that's the case. If it's boring you, look at another thread.

CharlotteOH · 22/07/2022 19:50

I’ve never had a man mention my weight, not when I was size 8, or 10, or 14.

I wonder if maybe you’re attracted to a particular type of guy? 🤷‍♀️ Or maybe it’s a less taboo topic in your region I dunno. But definitely not normal.

WestSouthWest · 22/07/2022 19:51

It sounds horrible OP and at your height and a size 10 you must look very slim! I am short and a size 12, I have been on dates and had various relationships. Only 1 partner ever mentioned anything about my weight or preferring me a bit slimmer (one of the reasons why he is now an ex!)

Is it possible you are gravitating towards a certain type of man who has an unrealistic expectation? One of my friends has a thing for very fit and toned gym-going men and she has found some of them can be weird about weight and more likely to be critical. Not saying this is a reflection of all fit gym going men at all but it has been her experience with some of them.