Every boyfriend I have had has mentioned my weight

[Docmcstuffings]

School
uni
work
engagement - (dumped him before I married)
long term love in partner
two shorter term partners

now single obviously never married or had children with any of them

every one of them has had something covertly or less covertly about my weight
5ft 10 - size 10
gym daily
bmi usually 24/25
is this something dick headish men always feel the need to comment on?

i remember going on a date with one over the past couple of years or so who made a habit of looking me up and down very obviously to make it clear they were judging my weight - followed by saying ‘you might want to take a small portion of ice cream, you dont want to get fatter’. ghosted him hard as anything. Now none of these men have been like this to begin with - all came out over a period of time and when they started going on like this they were dumped.

not sure why they had to same anything really - none of them were winning any body building awards.

it got worse the more sucessful in my career I got I noticed (I now earn well over six figures and own my own business - built from scratch). Can anyone shed any light on this? Or are men just like this and you have to accept that they think its ok to mention how much weight you have gained? Pinch your flab? Comment on how much you have eaten? Comment on how slimmer you were when they first met you? Gaslit you into saying ‘its my concern for your health’? ‘Can you not look more like x’… the list goes on.

i have actually said to one before if my bmi was over 40 and i had health issues then perhaps I could take your comments seriously but I clearly am not clinically over weight here.

can anyone shed any light on this phenomenon i have encountered?

A lot of men have no self-awareness and no filter whatsoever. These sorts of comments quite often do not stem from any sort of intentional nastiness, nor do they form any part of some sort of nefarious 'plan' to diminish or belittle, they just come from a place of complete and utter blithering ignorance. They don't realise that the women they watch on TV, on the internet, on music videos and so on are not a genuine reflection of the women in wider society, so their brains can't process the fact that what they are confronted with doesn't necessarily marry with what they expect of a 'typical' woman, or at least, 'typical' as they perceive it.

Of course the comments can be hurtful, unwelcome, and sting every bit as much as if they genuinely were intended to harm, but again, a lot of the men who say these things genuinely aren't intelligent or aware enough to be capable of manipulation or intentional abuse. They're genuinely stupid, narrow-minded, have very little insight into the 'real' world, and therefore present as totally ignorant, it really isn't any more complex than that.

In some ways it's actually a blessing, because you know straight away you are dealing with an utter balloon, and can swiftly move on.

I think you are consistently settling for middling, boring fuckers and they feel the need to neg you

does that ring true

date hot and confident men and you won’t hear this nonsense

the only men who have been horrible to me are 5/10 looking, insecure ones who wanted to knock me down a peg

Any my next boyfriend used to tell me I was so skinny that it made him feel sick. I obviously pick them well x

This has never happened to me. I think it’s the guys you’re choosing to be honest. I’m much larger, and definitely don’t spend time brushing myself or in the gym. Are you inviting conversations about your body?

Well now. Do you work in the fashion industry? Are you in the cast of Made In Chelsea? I can't think why every single man you dated voiced his opinion that you are too porky at size 10 and 5ft11. I mean, there can't be many women fatter than you can there? How very very odd.

I’m willing to bet OP that at a slender size 10, with a bmi of 24, at your height, that you must be quite fit. Muscle weighs more than fat & I reckon these PR1CKS are threatened by your fitness & feel inadequate.
i have been there, at 5’7”’ and 9 stone, had a partner spend most of the evening in the pub telling me I really shouldn’t put on any more weight & just a couple more lbs would be a problem, ffs my waist was 26” and I looked perfectly fine. It was annoying more than anything I was 2 dress sizes bigger when we met. He used to comment in small ways about my food choices, if I wore a top that was a bit fitted, just a constant drip feed of not out and out negativity but made me really conscious of myself. I remember sucking my stomach in when I was with him & skipping meals on days where I’d be seeing him in the evening (I was young & stupid).
years after we broke up I ran into him & he apologised, said he was feeling bad about his own weight at the time. I was really confused by him, he went out with a lot of very plus size girls after we split up & I used to worry that if he could say that crap to me, what the hell he might be saying to them.

It's fuck all to do with them whether your bmi is 17, 25 or 65.

It's the men you've encountered - abusive arseholes deliberately picking on something they think will hurt you.

I love how multiple people are reframing/excusing this as ‘men have no filter’ and questioning that OP must be going for model types who are incredibly shallow to warrant men treating her like this

the majority of men who neg women are definitely not models, and know for a fact that you are too good for them. They are actual scum and want to crush you so you think how lucky you are for them being with you. Because they know they are punching.

no sexy, rich or intelligent man has never said such a thing to me- and I actually am quite podgy at times 😂

Rather than worry about your weight I'd reflect on how I chose my boyfriends. You sound as if you're far from fat, find someone who appreciates you.

it got worse the more sucessful in my career I got I noticed (I now earn well over six figures and own my own business - built from scratch).

They're probably negging you because they feel threatened by this.

I haven’t read all the responses but to
me, you sound slim and toned, perfect weight.

you come across as intelligent and confident so the way i see it, these men feel threatened by you. You are slim, confident, successfull and probably hard to manipulate (well done for ghosting the prick who mentioned small portion of ice cream!). So these men are trying to make you feel insecure as that’s how they can get to you and start their manipulative games. There is absolutely nothing wrong with your weight. The issues are all theirs.

I was just wondering that perspectives, it does seem shallow of the men, to comment on the weight.

Very odd. I’ve never had this.

You have body issues OP haven’t you posted about this before? Effectively you say everyone thinks you’re big but you’re so tall and slim? And then everyone gushes about how slim you are?

From my experience no, it’s not a common thing.

But I am pretty fucking harsh, I don’t stand for red flags. A man looking me up and down and judging my food intake - either openly or passive aggressively - would get the boot.
I would never forgive someone who negatively commented on my body, I know that I couldn’t. It’s just not my thing, once the respect begins to be erdoded, there’s no coming back for me. That’s just who I am.

but I’m not suggesting it doesn’t happen, I know there are plenty of arseholes out there.

One thing I will say is that we don’t “attract” a certain kind of person, we attract all sorts of people - but we often “let in” the same type over and over again.
it might be worth considering if out of all the men you attract, are you perhaps drawn to ones who are more critical as people, less diplomatic, less empathetic, more “I’m only being honest, sorry if you’re offended” type men?

You are 5'10" and a size 10? Sounds ideal to me. Isn't that what most women would aspire to? I'm struggling to believe that anyone would comment negatively on your weight. You are slim and healthy, not even borderline chubby or could do with losing a few pounds.

I am 5'10" and a size 14 fighting weight (bigger now!) and my boyfriends/husbands have only ever been very positive about my body and I am much bigger than you. But I will concede that it is very likely that the men you are with are looking for a trophy rather than a partner so they probably wouldn't be seen dead with me in the first place lol.

Get rid of these dickheads.

Christ all the posters saying it must be OP attracting these type of men - NO!

I have dated LOTS and loads of men have commented on my body and my looks. I am told I’m very attractive and I’m slim and work out a lot. But that doesn’t stop men from making derogatory comments.

It is called NEGGING and a lot of men do it!

If you’re 5ft 10 and fit in size 10 clothes then you must be quite slim! I’m 5 ft 4 and 7.5 stone and sometimes I fit in small size 10s. Taller people are sometimes very slim but fit into ‘bigger’ sizes due to their bone structure, but a 10 is small-ish even for a shortie like me.
Even so, it’s not relevant - even if you had become bigger you wouldn’t deserve to be made to feel bad about it. I’m honestly shocked, I thought this level of misogyny had died out. All I can say is it’s probably a jealousy thing. Because you’re doing so well in your career (and before your career they might have sensed how motivated you were), they feel inadequate and so are trying to put you down in some way?
You need a kind man who is also at the top of his game career wise!

I’ve never experienced this at all and I can only think it’s because you’re getting with men who are very insecure about themselves and don’t like that you’ve got a nice body and earn well.

I was a size 16 and I had nothing but compliments on my body.
Every man I’ve ever been with has made me feel like my body is the greatest body in the whole world (it’s definitely not) and if you get with me at that size then I’d expect nothing less.

Or it's like some of the guys off made in Chelsea, and like fashion, health obsessed, ect

Only on page one so far but it sounds like they are negging you and trying to keep you in your place.

Do you go for very gym honed types who are generally obsessed by weight? Men can be very competitive.

I'm 65 and have never had a guy say anything about my weight and I've never been skinny.

I've actually found men to be less critical when I was obese then a BMI of 24.