Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Every boyfriend I have had has mentioned my weight

117 replies

Docmcstuffings · 22/07/2022 19:30

School
uni
work
engagement - (dumped him before I married)
long term love in partner
two shorter term partners

now single obviously never married or had children with any of them

every one of them has had something covertly or less covertly about my weight
5ft 10 - size 10
gym daily
bmi usually 24/25
is this something dick headish men always feel the need to comment on?

i remember going on a date with one over the past couple of years or so who made a habit of looking me up and down very obviously to make it clear they were judging my weight - followed by saying ‘you might want to take a small portion of ice cream, you dont want to get fatter’. ghosted him hard as anything. Now none of these men have been like this to begin with - all came out over a period of time and when they started going on like this they were dumped.

not sure why they had to same anything really - none of them were winning any body building awards.

it got worse the more sucessful in my career I got I noticed (I now earn well over six figures and own my own business - built from scratch). Can anyone shed any light on this? Or are men just like this and you have to accept that they think its ok to mention how much weight you have gained? Pinch your flab? Comment on how much you have eaten? Comment on how slimmer you were when they first met you? Gaslit you into saying ‘its my concern for your health’? ‘Can you not look more like x’… the list goes on.

i have actually said to one before if my bmi was over 40 and i had health issues then perhaps I could take your comments seriously but I clearly am not clinically over weight here.

can anyone shed any light on this phenomenon i have encountered?

OP posts:
MintJulia · 23/07/2022 01:14

That's outrageous. I've never had a boyfriend comment on my weight, they wouldn't get to the end of their drink.

I have a drinking buddy who used to comment on all sorts of stuff but that was a 'give as good as I took' relationship, not a romance.

Stupidlydupidly · 23/07/2022 20:51

This is really weird. I can only think two things. One is, are you dating similar personality type men? Do they have other things in common? Or two, they are negging you. Which I guess means they are all similar creepy pathetic negging types.

I've been very slim to obese at different points in life. Weirdly when I was underweight I had a creepy boyfriend who told me I was fat!

Maybe because of your attractiveness you are attracting more shallow, shitty mean?

nopenotplaying · 23/07/2022 21:23

This does not make sense. I'm the same height as with a bmi of 24 and wear size 14, sometimes find a 12 fits. I have small boobs.

I can't see how on earth you can be a size 10!

Namechanger355 · 23/07/2022 21:30

My Dh hasn’t and neither has my long term boyfriend before then

but one of my boyfriends was incredibly shallow in hindsight - I do remember him looking me up and down and looking in disgust at my hips as my underwear was sitting below them and there was a bit of podge coming out

but I was otherwise size 8 at the time - so yeah some people are just not nice

he would be shocked at the state of my body now after kids!

EarthSight · 23/07/2022 21:52

Possibilities for men fixating on every inch of fat a woman has -

a) Insecure
b) Entitled
c) Secretly wants a 12 - 14 year old and shrinking you physically by fat is the only way they're going to realistically get close to a woman who is slight or leggy. It's the build that some girls have before their hips have widened.
d) Closet gay. The type of closet say that tries to make their women lean because a nice soft figure doesn't do it for them. Seen as too feminine, too womanly.

EarthSight · 23/07/2022 21:56

iphonequestion · 22/07/2022 21:18

Christ all the posters saying it must be OP attracting these type of men - NO!

I have dated LOTS and loads of men have commented on my body and my looks. I am told I’m very attractive and I’m slim and work out a lot. But that doesn’t stop men from making derogatory comments.

It is called NEGGING and a lot of men do it!

@iphonequestion I'm not sure if it's just negging. I think a lot of it is delusional entitlement.

Gherkingreen · 23/07/2022 22:12

Some men are just intimidated by tall women. I say that as a 5ft 11 woman, size 12/14, BMI 23, heading towards 50 and happily married for 20+ years to an incredible man (who's slightly shorter than me) - but had fair share of rubbish encounters with men in late teens/early 20s (when I was a 12) who just could not deal with me being taller than them. It's solidly a them not you thing.

C152 · 23/07/2022 22:14

Jesus, that's horrible. I would suggest it's tall poppy syndrome or you may sunconsciously be going for the same type of guy. I have gone out with a few aresholes myself, but not one has ever called me fat (even when I was) or looked me up and down in a rude way. (It goes without saying, but I'll say it anyway, at 5ft10 and a size 10, you are most certainly not fat, overweight or even chubby. You are, however, going out with dickheads. I hope you find someone better to date soon!)

overitall1 · 23/07/2022 22:21

Well I've always been big -size 16 + and no man I've dated has ever commented on my weight. Why would they? They wouldn't go on a first date if they weren't into big women! I think you pick the wrong men!

ShrillSiren22 · 23/07/2022 22:33

I’m your height and a size 10 but over 2 stone lighter than you. When I was your weight I was a size 16, people carry their weight very differently.

I’ve never had a man comment on my weight but if they did I’d be asking them why they were saying it. I have asymmetrical breasts, not hugely but it’s noticeable when I’m naked. One guy I was dating seemed to hate the fact that it didn’t bother me and brought it up whenever I did/ said something that suggested I was comfortable with the way I looked. In the end I asked him why he kept bringing it up and he said that “he thought I ought to know as I seemed unaware of it”. Have you possibly expressed some kind of insecurity about your weight? Are guys picking up on that and “negging” what they are as your weak spot?

lljkk · 23/07/2022 22:39

DH comments on my weight if I comment first. His basic strategy is to encourage me to gain weight: he hopes it will lead to bigger boobs.

FunnysInLaJardin · 23/07/2022 22:43

I am fairly porky. Quite happy with it though and try to watch what I eat.

My DH of 34 years has never once commented. Because he is a kind man and knows that any change has to come from me.

He loves me as I am, my health is not at risk and so we go on.

Any man who comments on your weight is a cunt imo

insatiableme · 23/07/2022 22:48

I don't think it's just men. I find male or females regardless of my weight always have an opinion. And it always shocks me how openly people would comment on my weight wether saying I was "oh too skinny" too "ohh you've put on so much weight but you look healthy for it" "oh you have put on loads of weight all your curves have gone" 🤷‍♀️

insatiableme · 23/07/2022 22:51

My partner is not like this at all in fairness and tho I forgot to add 😁

FrecklesMalone · 23/07/2022 22:55

Apart from my mother (who will mention it whatever it does) and friends thinking they are being kind saying "you look great, have you lost weight" (fuck off!) No one ever has and my size has gone from an 8 to a 16. No boyfriend ever has.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 23/07/2022 23:00

This is not normal. I've had one boyfriend who had strong opinions on my weight and body - of course it was when I was at my leanest and actually loved my body.

No other boyfriend or even one night stand has commented.

Happymum12345 · 23/07/2022 23:05

I knew before clicking on this that you would be slim. I think it’s the men that you have dated have issues.

newfriend05 · 23/07/2022 23:41

This has got to be a Wind up or someone just looking for attention you're 5 foot 10 and a size 10 is no way on Earth you can classed as fat

BiscoffSundae · 23/07/2022 23:43

newfriend05 · 23/07/2022 23:41

This has got to be a Wind up or someone just looking for attention you're 5 foot 10 and a size 10 is no way on Earth you can classed as fat

it is a wind up, I posted earlier in this thread this op posts this all the time how everyone she’s dated calls her fat even though she’s a size 10, I pointed it out it’s not genuine but got shot down

TheOrigRights · 24/07/2022 00:30

Do you think it's because you must have a great deal of muscle OP?
I am a couple of inches shorter, but nearly 3 stone lighter and an 8/10.
I'm also pretty muscular but it's lean rather than bulky.

I'm just baffled that every person you've dated has commented.

QueenCamilla · 24/07/2022 02:25

I don't see how a size 10 and a BMI of 25 correlates.

I've been a fit and heavy size 10 at that BMI but I was a competing bodybuilder then...

And no, no one said anything even though I DID look peculiar.

Anon778833 · 24/07/2022 02:45

ohmyword · 22/07/2022 19:38

I think it's the men you are going for tbh.

I agree. It’s called negging. They basically are trying to put you down and dent your confidence so that they can get more power. It’s utterly pathetic.

SuperCamp · 24/07/2022 09:59

You are tall and slim.
Are these men who were / are attracted to you purely on looks? Because they fancy you?
Because they are the type who want to be seen with a woman who is basically an accessory to them and what they would like their ‘image’ to be?
If so maybe they stay fixated on your looks and you staying the slim body they favour.

dudsville · 24/07/2022 10:01

I think you're doing your toes into the wrong gene pool. I've never had this, never heard any of my friends, acquaintances or colleagues speak this way and wouldn't give anyone who spoke that way a second glance.

Freethenipp · 24/07/2022 10:12

Yep I feel you. Yesterday my dad text me to tell
me he thinks I should get a gastric bypass 😬

Ive been put on diets by my parents (I was perfectly healthy and a healthy weight) since I was in single figures, it caused eating disorders over the years, had naked pictures taken of me by an ex in secret to then show me how much weight I’ve put on.. the list goes on. It’s soul destroying.