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Original poster

Every boyfriend I have had has mentioned my weight

117 replies

Docmcstuffings · 22/07/2022 19:30

School
uni
work
engagement - (dumped him before I married)
long term love in partner
two shorter term partners

now single obviously never married or had children with any of them

every one of them has had something covertly or less covertly about my weight
5ft 10 - size 10
gym daily
bmi usually 24/25
is this something dick headish men always feel the need to comment on?

i remember going on a date with one over the past couple of years or so who made a habit of looking me up and down very obviously to make it clear they were judging my weight - followed by saying ‘you might want to take a small portion of ice cream, you dont want to get fatter’. ghosted him hard as anything. Now none of these men have been like this to begin with - all came out over a period of time and when they started going on like this they were dumped.

not sure why they had to same anything really - none of them were winning any body building awards.

it got worse the more sucessful in my career I got I noticed (I now earn well over six figures and own my own business - built from scratch). Can anyone shed any light on this? Or are men just like this and you have to accept that they think its ok to mention how much weight you have gained? Pinch your flab? Comment on how much you have eaten? Comment on how slimmer you were when they first met you? Gaslit you into saying ‘its my concern for your health’? ‘Can you not look more like x’… the list goes on.

i have actually said to one before if my bmi was over 40 and i had health issues then perhaps I could take your comments seriously but I clearly am not clinically over weight here.

can anyone shed any light on this phenomenon i have encountered?

OP posts:
FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 22/07/2022 19:53

It sounds like you pick unpleasant and probably vain men. Do you have a 'type' and where are you meeting these imbeciles?

Blossomandbee · 22/07/2022 19:57

I've always been a size 12-14, so not small but not huge. I've always had comments on my weight and been told I'm a 'big girl' more than once!
Maybe it's a go-to put down to undermine confidence? Who knows

BiscoffSundae · 22/07/2022 20:00

AMindNeedsBooks · 22/07/2022 19:49

I'm sure she is aware if that's the case. If it's boring you, look at another thread.

Show quote history

It’s an observation the op has posted this many times how she’s slim but every single guy she’s dated always mentions her weight, just wondering why post the same thread repeatedly

Aria2015 · 22/07/2022 20:02

Not common in my experience. With myself or friends. Are you going for a particular 'type'? Like gym obsessed guys who are really into fitness and very focused on physical appearance?

garlicandsapphires · 22/07/2022 20:02

Not really the point and BMI is probably bollocks but I wouldn’t describe a BMI of 25/26 as slim. It’s almost overweight. Not a criticism - that’s where my weight is at.

Dullardmullard · 22/07/2022 20:07

garlicandsapphires · 22/07/2022 20:02

Not really the point and BMI is probably bollocks but I wouldn’t describe a BMI of 25/26 as slim. It’s almost overweight. Not a criticism - that’s where my weight is at.

She didn’t say that she said 24/25 so nope not overweight at all.

Franklyfrost · 22/07/2022 20:16

It’s because you go to the gym and look fit. People do this to me all the time, it’s so extreme: I’ve had a mum slap my stomach at school pick up a couple of weeks ago, last week someone randomly asked me to do a hand stand push up at a social event, there are so many examples. It’s really weird, unsolicited comments on peoples bodies are no acceptable. There’s this assumption that you see your body as a hobby or object and want help with that hobby or commentary on that object. I go to gym to distress and stay healthy, not to look a certain way. I have found men who don’t do this, including my partner :)

Franklyfrost · 22/07/2022 20:19

And protein, do people try to talk to you about protein?

BloodAndFire · 22/07/2022 20:19

Dullardmullard · 22/07/2022 20:07

She didn’t say that she said 24/25 so nope not overweight at all.

Show quote history

25 bmi is overweight.

coolernow · 22/07/2022 20:19

Not really the point and BMI is probably bollocks but I wouldn’t describe a BMI of 25/26 as slim. It’s almost overweight. Not a criticism - that’s where my weight is at.

height does make a difference though. A 5ft 10 person with a BMI of 25 will look quite different to a 5ft 2 person with the same BMI

stayathomer · 22/07/2022 20:19

If you’re a size 10 are they being idiots in the opposite way- telling you that they think you need to eat more? Still makes them awful!! As asked above, where do you meet them, is it at the gym?

Wbeezer · 22/07/2022 20:22

Hmm, I suspect some of the men who choose to go out with you are choosing you because you are slim because having a slim partner is extremely important to them as a status thing, they then want to make sure you stay that way by making comments!

bluekostree · 22/07/2022 20:22

I've been a lot bigger than that and never encountered that. I'm your size now and my dh has always complimented me regardless of my size. I think you've met a lot of pricks. Possibly they're trying to put you down as you're successful in your life.

easyday · 22/07/2022 20:27

I'm 5'11" And when I was a size ten looked very thin. I look better 12-14. In fact as a 12 I had a couple guys say I was too slim (as I had been up to a 16 thought I just couldn't win.
You seem to have a run of guys who either like very skinny girls and/or like to insult people they supposed to care about.

Montuaklighthouse · 22/07/2022 20:27

The OP isn’t more worthy of not having her weight commented on than anyone else with any other size and shape.

OP this feels like a bit of a stealth brag tbh.

Stop dating dick heads.

Llamasally · 22/07/2022 20:28

You must be very muscular if that height, size 10 and that BMI. Probably scares the poor little things that you’re not ‘dainty’

bluegardenflowers · 22/07/2022 20:28

Its because you are tall and they feel inferior. ignore their shit and find a man over 6.5'

ArcticSkewer · 22/07/2022 20:31

Yup, it's the height, and the body tone (if you are at the gym a lot I assume you are quite strong). They feel threatened. They mean 'dainty' when they say 'get thinner'. Stand on them!

Palg68 · 22/07/2022 20:36

Who are you dating? I've never had these comments only 1 guy and he's now an ex. From your OP it seems like it's constant agree with others you must be very slender with your height.

Benjispruce4 · 22/07/2022 20:40

Bad choice of men I’m afraid.

Benjispruce4 · 22/07/2022 20:40

Well done on not tolerating it .

Celia24 · 22/07/2022 20:43

I don't think this is normal. No one I have either dated or seriously been with has ever mentioned my weight. At their core these men aren't kind op. Not good for you.

lljkk · 22/07/2022 20:46

Thanks for context, @BiscoffSundae

TheWayoftheLeaf · 22/07/2022 20:46

They're negging you. To make you 'grateful' for their attention.

It's increased as you've got more successful as successful women make some dickhead men feel insecure in their masculinity. So they want to tear you down a few pegs.

Amei · 22/07/2022 20:49

I'm the same height and a size 8/10, I used to date someone who alwaaaaays used to tell me I was fat.

About 5 years later I bumped into him in and he messaged me after to ask if I fancied meeting up for a drink.

I replied saying why would you wanna go for a drink with someone so fat? And told him how he'd made me feel all those times he's committed on my weight. He was MORTIFIED. He said he'd thought it was just a joke, that it was 'banter'. I told him to a avoid that type of banter with any future potential dates.