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Original poster

I think DP might leave me

124 replies

alanjohnso · 19/07/2022 15:29

Nc'd.

I did something a bit silly. I got a job and wasn't 100% truthful with DP about how I got it (didn't do anything wrong). I don't even know why I wasn't just straightforward but DP is saying that he doesn't trust/have any faith in me, he feels differently and I may have jeopardised our relationship. I have 2DC (not his) that are very attached to him (we've been together a few years) and this would be devastating for them. I have apologised several times but it's not changing anything. I can't talk to him right now as he's out. I don't know what to do. We usually have a really lovely relationship but I might have buggered it up. Any advice would be wonderful.

OP posts:
Original poster
alanjohnso · 19/07/2022 15:30

Sorry, if it wasn't clear from the OP, we live together just for context but don't own the home together.

OP posts:
TedMullins · 19/07/2022 15:31

What did you actually do?

ZaraSizeMedium · 19/07/2022 15:32

For some people, especially people who have worked hard on themselves, their self esteem and their boundaries after being in abusive relationships, even small lies can be a dealbreaker.

It’s a difficult one to give advice on given that claim you don’t even know why you lied.

Original poster
alanjohnso · 19/07/2022 15:32

@TedMullins I went out for a few drinks with a friend (female) and told my DP it was a social drink but it was really me trying to get a job through her.

OP posts:
cantthinkofabetterusername · 19/07/2022 15:34

alanjohnso · 19/07/2022 15:32

@TedMullins I went out for a few drinks with a friend (female) and told my DP it was a social drink but it was really me trying to get a job through her.

I don't see an issue with that but also why didn't you just tell him?

MiWadiMyChoice · 19/07/2022 15:35

Do you have a job already, or is it a case that he doesn’t want you working?

Original poster
alanjohnso · 19/07/2022 15:35

@cantthinkofabetterusername I literally don't know Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
alanjohnso · 19/07/2022 15:36

@MiWadiMyChoice no, I don't and he doesn't particularly want me working (we have enough on his income) but I have something I want to pay off by myself over the next few months and obviously need a job to do so.

OP posts:
Theredjellybean · 19/07/2022 15:36

And he's making a big deal out of that?
Sounds wierd and controlling.
So you went for a few drinks with a friend you hoped would give you a job... Errrr...is still social.
What exactly is going on, I suspect there will be a drip feed now

minou123 · 19/07/2022 15:37

Its hard to give advice without knowing what you did and why he feels he can't trust you.

But if you don't want to share what happened, my advice is to talk about it.

If this is a deal breaker for your DP and youve crossed a boundary, you may have to accept it, even if you think his reasoning is unjustified.

Cognacsoft · 19/07/2022 15:39

His reaction seems a bit ott to me.
My dh would perhaps feel a bit irritated if I did this but it wouldn't break our relationship.
Your dp is either very sensitive or wants out anyway.

Original poster
alanjohnso · 19/07/2022 15:39

@Theredjellybean not a drip feed that I can think of (except from maybe my last post) and yes, this may well end in him leaving me. I confided in a friend who was shocked that he might leave me over this but here we (very possibly) are.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 19/07/2022 15:39

Your partner is being fucking ridiculous. You didn't lie, and you aren't obligated to tell him every little detail about your life. I'm thinking there's more to this from his side.

TedMullins · 19/07/2022 15:41

alanjohnso · 19/07/2022 15:32

@TedMullins I went out for a few drinks with a friend (female) and told my DP it was a social drink but it was really me trying to get a job through her.

Ok then, your DP is a controlling abuser in that case. You’ve done absolutely nothing wrong. Him leaving would be you dodging a bullet.

fedup078 · 19/07/2022 15:41

Well then he was already planning on leaving and he's clutching at straws with this shit excuse
Unless the job is lap dancing or something else you're not telling us

ThreeLocusts · 19/07/2022 15:42

Sounds to me like he is pissed off over you getting a job and the independence that comes with that, and using your vagueness on the 'how' as an excuse? He may be less of a loss than you think.

TedMullins · 19/07/2022 15:42

Why doesn’t he want you to work? Another red flag

Original poster
alanjohnso · 19/07/2022 15:42

@fedup078 no, nothing like that.

OP posts:
cantthinkofabetterusername · 19/07/2022 15:43

I don't understand why he doesn't want you to work, have you discussed it with him?
He does sound a bit ott and controlling it's not the 1940's anymore

buttermut · 19/07/2022 15:44

If he leaves you over this, he was going to leave you anyway. Also, why does he have a say in wether you work or not? I would leave him for wanting to leave me over something so utterly ridiculous.

spotcheck · 19/07/2022 15:44

This really really isn’t about you slightly misrepresenting your drinks. It is that he is threatened by you gaining an income.

Aquamarine1029 · 19/07/2022 15:45

This is all about him losing control of you. If you get a job, you may not need him, and you will have your own resources. This man is not the Prince Charming you think he is.

Elsanore · 19/07/2022 15:46

As others are saying, the real concern here is he doesn't want you to work. Possibly subconsciously or not so subconsciously this will be why you slightly misrepresented the drinks thing.

Examine why he doesn't want you to have a job.

AnuSTart · 19/07/2022 15:49

The red flag waving above his head when he says, 'I don't want you working @alanjohnso ' is enough for me to say, run, run now.
No man or woman does this unless they are all levels of control freak.
You are well rid.

ThinkingaboutLangClegosaurus · 19/07/2022 15:51

TedMullins · 19/07/2022 15:41

Ok then, your DP is a controlling abuser in that case. You’ve done absolutely nothing wrong. Him leaving would be you dodging a bullet.

Show quote history

I agree. He’s being ridiculous.