DH flipped. Feel broken

[Mamato3boysand2dogs]

Hello I'm new here, i have had a terrible 24 hrs with DH and no one to talk to. I feel so ill and so upset i dont know what to do with my self.

DH does not get on with my brothers wife. To be fair it is her own fault, she has been an idiot in the past and i dont speak to her either.

Me and DH and 3 kids went to a party yesterday and planned to stay overnight in a hotel. My mum lives with us and asked if she could invite my brother and wife to the house for lunch, seeing as we were away. I wasn't over the moon but begrudgingly agreed to keep the peace, thinking as we weren't home, DH didn't have to see her, no harm done. DH has explicitly said he never wants her here but as we were not physically home i figured it would be ok and didnt mention to DH

Well, Ring Doorbell fucked me. He saw her. He was drunk so he exploded at me. Calling me a cunt etc, kids all there with us, threatened to punch me in the face. I told him to go ahead so he swung a bag of wet towels at my head. He missed. He then called my brother and screamed at him then stormed off leaving me and the kids. Remote location so no uber would come. We walked 1.5 miles to the nearest town, kids crying, me trying to play it down. I thought he went to the hotel but he had gone home.

I collected my car and started to drive home. He wouldn't answer any calls or messages. Trying to drive calmly while kids are getting more and more upset (10 and 13). My eldest got a cab separately.

My mum calls mid journey to say DH got home and they had a big row. He threatened to hit her, called her a cunt, put his hand through our glass kitchen door, threw a chair, generally went mad. Mum quietly cleaned it all up as he stormed upstairs to bed

I arrived home, mum was crying and shaken up, saying sorry for inviting DH wife over
Shes nearly 70 years old.

DH in bed. I tried to say sorry but he wouldn't let me in the bedroom. locked the door. We had a wedding today so i text him what are the plans? He said he was gonna go, but not me.

This morning we talked. He is still angry and called my mum a fat cunt when i told him she said he threatened to hit her. I asked him "did you?" He said yes, because she was getting "loud" at him.

Children this morning still upset. They missed out on the hotel stay too, which they had been very excited about.

When the time came to get ready for the wedding, DH said "are you coming or not?". I said no. He then basically begged me, 4 or 5 times, saying he wants me there and he will have to sit at dinner alone

I said no. My eyes are swollen from crying, no sleep, i look like shit. Kids are unsettled and i thought it unfair to swan off to a wedding and enjoy a hotel stay when they have been denied the same and made to cry into the bargain

DH is extremely annoyed and has gone, alone

Together 20 years. He is actually a lovely bloke and this is out of character but i cant see how to forgive and forget. I'm so upset, for the kids, for mum, for everyone involved. All my fault though apparently for inviting her to the house when i know how he feels about her. I just thought as we were not there, it would be ok. What did i do??

Forget the sister in law the real villain here is your husband. You’ve normalised this to your kids and your mum must think it’s ok too otherwise she’d have called the police. You don’t live in Eastenders OP. Talk to Womens Aid and make a plan to get him out.

You need to leave this man OP. He isn't 'nice' at all. My DP has never smashed anything up and nor have I.

Your poor kids seeing that. Must be so frightening for them.

To be honest I would be mad too but not to the point he was. You didn’t tell him on purpose, own that.

It’s his house house too and you shouldn’t have gone behind his back.

Totally agree, There is no going back. Gather the documents while he is at the wedding and tomorrow call a solicitor. If anyone had threatened and cursed my mother --- he is lucky to be alive!

Aw I'm so glad she said.
It makes it perfectly acceptable to smash the house up and call people fat cunts

Being drunk isn’t a excuse lots of ppl get drunk but don’t call ppl names and threaten to hit them . Just because he isn’t violent now doesn’t mean he won’t be . So smashing things up you don’t feel this is violent, just because this isn’t towards you and your children . I grew up with a older brother who is 12 years older we use to have to walk on eggshells with in case he flipped . Would smash the house up , windows etc he was a nightmare to live with . In the end he was hitting my mum and dad and they just use to excuse his behaviour. I left home at 19 because I couldn’t live with him anymore . This has really affected me as a adult please think of your children and leave him .

He’s assaulted you, threatened your mum, sworn and been abusive in front of your kids and YOU wanted to say sorry? Jesus wept.

So he hates your SIL for how she behaves yet it's totally fine for him to terrorise everyone?

Get help. Now.

Oh you poor love. Please put your children first, show them you don't have to put up with abusive behaviour in your life. Call the police. Get him gone.

Why are you the one apologising?
Kick him out. Call the police and report him for threatening behaviour and criminal damage.

Call the police. Don't let him back into the house.

I missed this update, what your SIL has done to your brother is nowhere near as bad as what your DH has done to you and your kids, now and in the past.
Cheating is bad yes, but it appears your brother has forgiven her. Addiction to painkillers, again not good but you say she’s clean now.
On the other hand you and kids and mum walk on eggshells because of H.
He’s got a problem with drink.
He smashed things up 5 times in 20 years…
Ive been married 44 years and my DH has never done this, called me a cunt left me stranded, threw wet towels at me, threatened to smash my face in or terrified my kids. Ever.
You need to split up.

This is coercive control if you’re treading on eggshells trying not to upset him. You need to tell him to leave, get some anger management counselling and then marriage guidance counselling if you still want him. Your kids are upset because of his threatening behaviour. not because of anything you’ve done and think about how this will impact them. There’s a safeguarding issue here for your children.
You should not be apologising to him for anything!

You poor thing. He is horrible. Abusive. This must surely be the end. Don't stay and have your kids hate you later for NOT leaving.

Your reply would be me, 5 years ago, right before i realised i shouldn't HAVE to live like that.. the last time he screamed at me was the time i walked away... best choice i EVER made.

Please, please, leave him, get your life back, you and your kids deserve SO much better.

stop minimising it, stop blaming yourself, your mom..etc.. however annoyed he is there is NEVER any excuse for the way he behaved/reacted to it, never.

He has well and truly crossed a line OP. Violet abusive behaviour towards you and your mother and in front of your children is inexcusable. His behaviour sounds very controlling and manipulative, you are not the one who needs to apologise.

If he’s in pain why isn’t he doing something about it?

Your kids will never forget this. Believe me. They'll still flinch at raised voices in their adulthood. They'll never be the same.

Wish my dad has taken us away. Wish something had been different.

This isn't your DH's first offence. You know that.

Keeping your kids around that man would be a crime. Save them from any more of this.

Regardless of what your brothers wife did, he had absolutely no right to be that way with you or your mum.

The problem here is your Husband and you need to have a serious think about your marriage. Imagine threatening a 70 year old women FFS, and he even has the brass neck to admit it.

Get rid of him,he's a monster no kid should see that behaviour,just awful!

Omg. This isn't normal behaviour at all.

Protect your kids. Protect your mum. Protect yourself.

Kick him out. He's a sorry excuse for a human. Most people wouldn't act like this for much worse things.

He exploded at me.
Calling me a cunt
Threatened to punch me in the face.
He swung a bag of wet towels at my head.
He then called my brother and screamed at him.
Then stormed off leaving me and the kids. Remote location.
Thought he went to the hotel but he had gone home.

He threatened to hit my mum, called her a cunt, put his hand through our glass kitchen door, threw a chair, generally went mad.

He is still angry and called my mum a fat cunt when I told him she said he threatened to hit her.

He is actually a lovely bloke

You are deluded and must be stupid. He is vile - aggressive, a selfish, nasty, bully and dangerous.

Leave now- with the children and your mum. Never see him again.

Initial thoughts are that you were wrong to hide this & as it is your Mum's house also I don't think he gets to veto who she wants over.

Difficult when your brother has decided to stay with his wife-I guess it just about forces those who want to see him to have a relationship with her also.

But the fact that he has a temper & you walk on eggshells-FFS!

LTB!

I'm sorry you're dealing with this please don't think it"s your fault but you need to deal with it today. What if he's drinking all day at this wedding?
Please ring women's aid and get their help.

Regardless of the back story his behaviour was unacceptable. He needs to leave. Or you do.