Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I'm the other woman

107 replies

bstd · 16/07/2022 20:42

So I'm about to be destroyed but here goes. I'm single had a 3 year affair just ended as we were spotted by someone who saw us. He ended it but has told it wife it was a few months. I feel so so bad. Should I speak to her

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 16/07/2022 20:42

I think you've done enough.

ZaraSizeMedium · 16/07/2022 20:43

Why Confused

JessesMum777888 · 16/07/2022 20:44

Not unless she approaches you.
I’m not hear to judge you , but you are the other woman and you will be the one that is blamed.
id keep a wide berth and move on with your life.

sjxoxo · 16/07/2022 20:44

I think you should cut contact and move on. You will only hurt everyone in their family more by contacting any of their family ever again, and it will make you look like you can’t/haven’t moved on. Let it go…

TabithaTittlemouse · 16/07/2022 20:44

Don’t be a dick.

Why feel bad now? Because you’ve been caught?

Daydreamsinsantafe · 16/07/2022 20:45

Speak to her about what? If she wants to speak to you she’ll let you know.
Don’t use the “I feel bad” sentence again though, especially not to her, because you know it’s not even slightly true.

Original poster
bstd · 16/07/2022 20:46

He still emails me

OP posts:
Namechanger355 · 16/07/2022 20:47

You don’t feel bad at all About being the other woman- you didn’t give a crap about her whilst sleeping with her husband

you just want to cause trouble because he has ended it

and yes I do judge - you were willing to break up a marriage

Original poster
bstd · 16/07/2022 20:48

apparently she wants to talk to me

OP posts:
Namechanger355 · 16/07/2022 20:48

bstd · 16/07/2022 20:46

He still emails me

Well presumably because you email him back?!

yet you want to somehow protect her but telling her the “truth”

move on and leave her alone

1000chairs · 16/07/2022 20:48

Yes, if you know her or can contact her, be open and honest. He is a liar and cheat, merely trying to save his skin.

I had a husband like this and if it hadn't been for the OW, I would never have known the exent of affair and all the future promising he made, never mind rewiting of our marital history.

It showed me exactly how much of a weak and shallow man he was, totally lacking in integrity.

You and his wife certainly deserve better and if after 3 years, you were still taken in by his shit show then I'm sorry but you need to do the right thing by a woman who didn't deserve a rat like him.

Good luck OP.

cantbelieveheletmedown · 16/07/2022 20:48

You've caused enough trouble as has this woman's Husband. What do you have to gain from speaking to her?

Original poster
bstd · 16/07/2022 20:51

she will have the facts to decide her future. I talk to her then disappear from their lifes for ever

OP posts:
1000chairs · 16/07/2022 20:53

The OW saved my sanity. It is the worst thing being the unsuspecting wife, never mind having a husband who you know deep down is minimisising his affair, possibly blaming the OW to save his skin.

Yes you are both weak, selfish entitled individuals BUT now it is over, you owe it to her to be honest so she can make decisions that will impact on the rest of her life.

ZaraSizeMedium · 16/07/2022 20:54

You weren’t bothered about her having the facts to decide her future over the past 3 years.

Why the faux concern for her now?

Areil · 16/07/2022 20:54

delete and block him.

Whispers1988 · 16/07/2022 20:56

If I was the wife I would want to know anything and everything that would impact my decisions. Probably wouldn't fully trust your word or motives but if hubby was still lying and minimising then what you have to say would reveal that hopefully.

Original poster
bstd · 16/07/2022 20:58

So I know he is a serial cheater. I know his tricks to escape

OP posts:
Areil · 16/07/2022 21:01

bstd · 16/07/2022 20:58

So I know he is a serial cheater. I know his tricks to escape

What do you mean?

of course he’s a cheater. You know this because you were the OW?

Cas112 · 16/07/2022 21:02

It's sad you was happy being the other woman and not saying a word to this woman when you was doing this but now things aren't going your way, your gonna rock the boat even more just to be spiteful and finally be honest

Leave the woman alone, you should have been honest from the beginning or not done it in the first place

No point trying to act like you have a moral compass now

Original poster
bstd · 16/07/2022 21:02

He has had lots of affairs he told me

OP posts:
shiningstar2 · 16/07/2022 21:04

You haven't bothered to inform her in 3 years? You never stopped the affair? But you want to contact her now to tell her the affair was far longer than he is telling her. You weren't worried about him lying to her all those years when he was with you? Be And continued playing your part in that lie for ,3 years ...until he dropped you?
Seems to me you are looking for revenge because he dropped you. You can hardly pretend you want to tell her because you are suddenly concerned that he is telling lies to his wife.
Leave well alone op and give them a chance to work it out. If you want her to o know what a rat he is ...she already knows of she knows about the affair. He's a bigger rat if he has started to contact you again. Be the bigger person and drop him

JasmineVioletRose · 16/07/2022 21:06

bstd · 16/07/2022 20:46

He still emails me

Then he's an arsehole.

SkeletonFight · 16/07/2022 21:07

is he asking you to lie in his emails?

Rogue1001MNer · 16/07/2022 21:07

Yes, I think you should talk to her if that's what she wants.

But don't expect for her to like you.

She'd appreciate honesty, I think

Swipe left for the next trending thread