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Original poster

How would you take this text?

60 replies

LonelyInAutumn · 14/07/2022 20:49

I matched with a guy on hinge a couple of days ago and we've been texting a bit. We live about 50 miles apart. He's asked when I'd want to meet up and he's asked me to come to his city. I've told him that I don't feel comfortable making the journey to meet someone I don't know but I'm happy to compromise and meet in the middle. He responded and said something along the lines of "let's text and facetime some more before we meet".

We were texting today and he asked (summarising) "when are we going to meet? Because I wouldn't drive to (the halfway point), maybe get a coach there I guess. I'm not going to meet multiple girls from different places as it's long, a waste of time and money".

I replied "As I said, I'm not too comfortable making a journey that far to see someone that I don't know and it would feel a bit one-sided. In the kindest way, if you think coming to (the halfway point) is worth the trip then great but, if you don't have any intention of coming then you need to let me know so that I can keep it stepping".

I've analysed his text as that he's saying he can't be bothered to meet (Instead of being direct) as he would have to come halfway, especially by his use of "I guess" and seem's like he'd want me to make the full journey. Am I over analysing? Was my reply appropriate?

OP posts:
NoWeaponsOnTheTable · 14/07/2022 20:53

I would tell him to just forget it. Hard work already and you haven't even met.
No thanks.

ImpartialMongoose · 14/07/2022 20:56

You have been generous in your reply.

Chattycatty · 14/07/2022 20:58

Ye I'd take it as he can't be arsed making an effort but will meet up if you go to him.

Oopsiedaisyy · 14/07/2022 21:00

He wants a shag, but not enough to drive too far

SunnySideDeepDown · 14/07/2022 21:01

So he thinks it's ok for you to have to travel all that way, but he won't?

You're worth more. Cut your losses and move on.

Hillrunning · 14/07/2022 21:05

So he expects 'multiple girls' to come to him? Itndoesnt make much sense, why isn't he jsut setting his range to a lower radius?

Your response was fine. What has he sent back to that?

SteveHarringtonsChestHair · 14/07/2022 21:05

Low effort
Low energy
”multiple girls”

Don’t bother. He sounds like a waste of time and money too.

Hillrunning · 14/07/2022 21:05

Not relevant but what does 'keep it stepping' mean? I've not coma across it before?

CrystalCoco · 14/07/2022 21:06

He wants you to make all the effort and drive the full distance and when you've (very reasonably) suggested you split the distance equally then he's suddenly not so keen!? Selfish self-centred arse. Lucky for you he's shown his true colours before you're invested further. Bye. Next!

Whoatealltheminieggs · 14/07/2022 21:08

Lol. You’re more generous then me. I didn’t even travel half way when I was dating,

Hillrunning · 14/07/2022 21:10

I always find the 'waste of time and money' mentally interesting when applied to dating. Surely if someone is looking for a partner, they are happy to invest time and money into finding that future? I know you may not want to spend loads but some is a necessity.

Original poster
LonelyInAutumn · 14/07/2022 21:17

ImpartialMongoose · 14/07/2022 20:56

You have been generous in your reply.

@ImpartialMongoose What would you have said instead? I didn't want to be mean but maybe I should have haha

OP posts:
Original poster
LonelyInAutumn · 14/07/2022 21:18

Hillrunning · 14/07/2022 21:05

So he expects 'multiple girls' to come to him? Itndoesnt make much sense, why isn't he jsut setting his range to a lower radius?

Your response was fine. What has he sent back to that?

@Hillrunning that's what I thought! had no reply yet, forgot to add that he's a shit texter. I hear from him maybe once or twice a day so it's hard to progress the conversation

OP posts:
Original poster
LonelyInAutumn · 14/07/2022 21:19

@Hillrunning "keep it stepping" is like move on/continue/carry on to something else

OP posts:
Original poster
LonelyInAutumn · 14/07/2022 21:20

CrystalCoco · 14/07/2022 21:06

He wants you to make all the effort and drive the full distance and when you've (very reasonably) suggested you split the distance equally then he's suddenly not so keen!? Selfish self-centred arse. Lucky for you he's shown his true colours before you're invested further. Bye. Next!

@CrystalCoco I thought the same thing too and I know my suggestion wasn't unreasonable and then it dawned on me that he doesn't really want to make an effort

OP posts:
Original poster
LonelyInAutumn · 14/07/2022 21:21

Whoatealltheminieggs · 14/07/2022 21:08

Lol. You’re more generous then me. I didn’t even travel half way when I was dating,

@Whoatealltheminieggs I need to be more like you 😆

OP posts:
SavingsThreads · 14/07/2022 21:21

Where has he said he cba?

Text sus he wouldn't drive there, would get a coach.

Ontomatopea · 14/07/2022 21:22

I'm not going to meet multiple girls from different places as it's long, a waste of time and money". ick.

Original poster
LonelyInAutumn · 14/07/2022 21:23

Hillrunning · 14/07/2022 21:10

I always find the 'waste of time and money' mentally interesting when applied to dating. Surely if someone is looking for a partner, they are happy to invest time and money into finding that future? I know you may not want to spend loads but some is a necessity.

I wish he would have just been direct. He spelt "I can't be bothered" very strangely and he seems to be a bit negative about it already with the "waste of time and money" thing

OP posts:
Original poster
LonelyInAutumn · 14/07/2022 21:23

SavingsThreads · 14/07/2022 21:21

Where has he said he cba?

Text sus he wouldn't drive there, would get a coach.

@SavingsThreads I think when he said "I guess" that suggests to me that he cba

OP posts:
Honeyroar · 14/07/2022 21:24

He’s lazy and wasting your time.

Hillrunning · 14/07/2022 21:26

He isn't the person for you. Meeting half way is totally normal and reasonable.

ImpartialMongoose · 14/07/2022 21:29

LonelyInAutumn · 14/07/2022 21:17

@ImpartialMongoose What would you have said instead? I didn't want to be mean but maybe I should have haha

Show quote history

What I meant was you have been kind towards him. Some women would have told him to get lost. Because it seems like he can't be arsed to make an effort when you are more than willing to meet him halfway. So he's already wasting your time.

GiselleRose · 14/07/2022 21:30

For me the conversation would have ended when he said he’d like you to visit his hometown with no offer to meet halfway or him to come to where you live. He’s putting no effort into even arranging a first date.

ImpartialMongoose · 14/07/2022 21:32

What would I have said? Probably nothing, but it would have blocked him. He sounds pessimistic, selfish and lazy.