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Original poster

How would you take this text?

60 replies

LonelyInAutumn · 14/07/2022 20:49

I matched with a guy on hinge a couple of days ago and we've been texting a bit. We live about 50 miles apart. He's asked when I'd want to meet up and he's asked me to come to his city. I've told him that I don't feel comfortable making the journey to meet someone I don't know but I'm happy to compromise and meet in the middle. He responded and said something along the lines of "let's text and facetime some more before we meet".

We were texting today and he asked (summarising) "when are we going to meet? Because I wouldn't drive to (the halfway point), maybe get a coach there I guess. I'm not going to meet multiple girls from different places as it's long, a waste of time and money".

I replied "As I said, I'm not too comfortable making a journey that far to see someone that I don't know and it would feel a bit one-sided. In the kindest way, if you think coming to (the halfway point) is worth the trip then great but, if you don't have any intention of coming then you need to let me know so that I can keep it stepping".

I've analysed his text as that he's saying he can't be bothered to meet (Instead of being direct) as he would have to come halfway, especially by his use of "I guess" and seem's like he'd want me to make the full journey. Am I over analysing? Was my reply appropriate?

OP posts:
5128gap · 14/07/2022 21:33

He is struggling with a 25 mile journey, won't drive it and doesn't know what the other options are? I travel 30 miles to work each day! Not exactly intrepid is he? Hope these multiple girls never want to go further than his local.

ImpartialMongoose · 14/07/2022 21:34

5128gap · 14/07/2022 21:33

He is struggling with a 25 mile journey, won't drive it and doesn't know what the other options are? I travel 30 miles to work each day! Not exactly intrepid is he? Hope these multiple girls never want to go further than his local.

This. Plus I call bullshit on the multiple girls thing.

lilly90x · 14/07/2022 21:38

Your post sounds similar to what I put up, I was unmatched because the guy wasn't willing to travel half way even after getting on so well. He wanted me to travel 74 miles which would take me approx 2 hours, whilst he travels 10.

Stick to your guns and don't lower your boundaries, its not worth it ☺️

goldfinchonthelawn · 14/07/2022 21:42

I am very judgemental about anyone in life hwho has one rule for them and another for everyone else. His rule: I can't be bothered to travel to meet you. His rule for you: Bother to travel to meet me. Pathetic.

Sandra1984 · 14/07/2022 21:47

Ontomatopea · 14/07/2022 21:22

I'm not going to meet multiple girls from different places as it's long, a waste of time and money". ick.

Double ick from me. Plus a relationship is about two peoples needs, the sensible thing would be to meet half way, this guy is all about him so it's great he outed himself so quickly before you invested more. Block. Lucky for you Men are not an endangered species. Plenty of fish.

Dery · 14/07/2022 21:58

“a relationship is about two peoples needs, the sensible thing would be to meet half way, this guy is all about him so it's great he outed himself so quickly before you invested more.”

This. He can’t be bothered so why bother with him?

HidingFromDD · 14/07/2022 22:02

I wonder if he actually can’t or doesn’t drive. That would make 50 miles quite a struggle to maintain a relationship tbh. Alternatively he cba so I’d just move on from this one

Minoloso · 14/07/2022 22:09

Just delete him. If you waver in your boundaries at the very beginning of dating someone it’s never going to end well.

arethereanyleftatall · 14/07/2022 22:18

Lol - I think it's fair to say anyone you've basically had an argument with before you've even met isn't going to go the distance!
I've got my radius set now at 5 miles!

Monty27 · 14/07/2022 22:18

That's a kind reply OP.
In short mine would've been "do one!"

Original poster
LonelyInAutumn · 14/07/2022 22:21

I've not had a reply from him yet, he's a proper shit texter. I've deleted his number and not even fussed if he replies or not haha. If he does I'll update you guys

OP posts:
Annoyedwithmyself · 14/07/2022 22:24

Fuck him off, you sound nice.

He's lazy, doesn't care about your comfort and can only be arsed if you make the effort. I daresay this would continue throughout any relationship.

Halfway was very reasonable to suggest.

Plus obv you're both likely/ entitled to be chatting to others at this stage, but I personally think it's best to be discreet about this fact when online dating and not mention other dates. He's done the opposite and suggested that you're one of many which I would find very ungracious and offputting.

MissusPongo · 14/07/2022 22:26

Sounds like a dead loss. I’d move on.

Jewel7 · 14/07/2022 22:26

The multiple girls comment would have put me off. If he was genuine it could be seen as polite/safe for him to visit you. I would find someone else I think. To much effort this early is to hard!

shakingmytambourineatyou · 14/07/2022 22:29

Well, he's not exactly keen, is he?
My dh, when we were first meeting, cycled 30 miles on his mum's bike because his car had broken down.
Not saying that to compete, just saying you need, and deserve, someone who thinks you're worth the effort.

PeppaPigIsAnnoying · 14/07/2022 22:34

Not sure if hinge is a shagging app or one for ppl looking for relationships but either way I'd stop searching for guys that are so far away

A friend of mine entered the strange world of internet dating and their search got wider and wider the more desperate she got

This guy can't be bothered with traveling so far to see you. He just wants a quick fuck back at his. Move on

WaveyHair · 14/07/2022 22:35

This one is a write off, at best a mediocre pen pal, no more. Ditch & move on.

Summerhillsquare · 14/07/2022 22:38

But you said you "don't feel comfortable making the journey to meet someone I don't know" before any of his crap. I'm afraid this is the point of online dating, so you may find most men take it badly!

Aquamarine1029 · 14/07/2022 22:39

I really can't understand why you didn't block him immediately after that. He's a twat.

pilates · 14/07/2022 22:39

Yeah move on. Sounds a loser.

HollowTalk · 14/07/2022 22:42

Let's face it, the first date is when he's supposed to be showing his best side. He can't even be bothered coming to where you live.

Do you think you'll be coming to visit you for dates 3, 4, 5 etc?

I know I am extrapolating a lot from this but in my opinion it goes along with him moving in with you, saying he won't pay rent because you were paying it anyway, ditto food, ditto electricity and then later you find he's texting all sorts of women anyway.

Dasher789 · 14/07/2022 22:58

Iv read it totally differently to PP and just that he would rather take a coach than drive. I am reading it more like he is wondering whether you are serious about meeting up as you have said you are not comfortable. Tbh, 50miles apart when you haven't met seems a bit much. That's a bit of a commitment for any early relationship especially with the cost of fuel etc on top of general working and lack of free time.

Luckingfovely · 14/07/2022 23:04

Oh god - I see you say you've deleted his number, but you should have just blocked him.

In the nicest possible way - set your bar much, much higher than this!

Original poster
LonelyInAutumn · 14/07/2022 23:24

Dasher789 · 14/07/2022 22:58

Iv read it totally differently to PP and just that he would rather take a coach than drive. I am reading it more like he is wondering whether you are serious about meeting up as you have said you are not comfortable. Tbh, 50miles apart when you haven't met seems a bit much. That's a bit of a commitment for any early relationship especially with the cost of fuel etc on top of general working and lack of free time.

@Dasher789 this is an interesting take.I am comfortable enough to meet halfway but not make the full journey as I mentioned. I thought he would have understood. Tbh I was serious about meeting until he began to sound lazy

OP posts:
KettrickenSmiled · 15/07/2022 00:17

Am I over analysing?

Yes.

When he told you he expected you to travel to his city, then started prevaricating about meeting halfway & issuing edicts about what he expected from his (ha ha, not) string of candidates ... THAT was the time to stop putting any more thought into him.

Just block & delete, he is not worth any head space.

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