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Original poster

To wonder if it’s right to claim maintenance?

109 replies

Gelppp · 14/07/2022 11:37

DP and I broke up in pregnancy. I had been very lax about contraception because we were happy to have a family and he said if it happened it happened…

it happened and he was shocked to being with, as was I and we talked about what to do. Decided to go ahead.

when we broke up he basically had nothing to do with the pregnancy and said I shouldn’t carry on as he wasn’t ready to be a dad and we clearly weren’t right together… by then I was 16 weeks and couldn’t face it. I was fine with him disappearing in pregnancy as to be honest he was quite a misery about supporting me much!

however, it’s now time to claim if I’m going to and I feel weird about it?! He has nothing to do with his his DC and clearly has no interest, nothing. He won’t get anything from this other than a deduction to his pay and as he is a high earner I feel weirdly uncomfortable about it. We get by ok and DC doesn’t want for anything but obviously the extra always helpful. I can’t help feeling like it would just make my life better though… get my nails done or a weekend away etc as DC has what they need. Guess it’s a bit of guilt perhaps, i don’t know what!!

what would you do?

OP posts:
nervousnelly8 · 14/07/2022 11:39

I would claim and put it into savings for DC.

workshy46 · 14/07/2022 11:41

Of course you should claim. Why would you not. He has a financial responsibility to the child. I wouldn't feel in the slightest bit guilty and save if you want but this money would make both your lives easier and better. Thats what money is for

givealittlewhistle · 14/07/2022 11:41

I wouldn't claim maintenance to enable me to get my nails done Confused

That aside. Ultimately, when he had sex with you he took a risk knowing that pregnancy is always possible regardless of what contraceptive is or isn't used.

All parents should be made by law to pay towards the upbringing of their child whether they choose to be involved or not.

So yes, you should make a claim, but you should use that money to pay for food, clothes, toys, anything that your child needs.

Eileen101 · 14/07/2022 11:42

You should claim. The baby is his child, his obligations to support the baby don't stop because he's not interested in pursuing a relationship with the baby.
If you don't need it, use it for some nicer things in life or put it away to give the baby a head start later in life!

Joxsters · 14/07/2022 11:42

nervousnelly8 · 14/07/2022 11:39

I would claim and put it into savings for DC.

I agree with this. Don’t use it to get your nails done, the money is for the DC not you. If you don’t need it to live on, put it away for them and they can use it as a house deposit/Uni/car/start a business/run away and join the circus.

StarlingsInTheRoof · 14/07/2022 11:42

It's entirely up to you. You are entitled to claim for your child and it may help financially if you are not a high earner. If you don't want anything to do with him at all then don't claim.

BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 14/07/2022 11:44

Think about it this way if he is covering his share of costs towards the dc that then frees up some of your money to spend on yourself. You would not be spending the maintenance on yourself

Doidontimmm · 14/07/2022 11:45

You may be ok now but what if you lost your job, were unwell, god forbid your DC was unwell and you couldn’t work.

Much easier to claim now and put it away for a rainy day whatever that may be.

Honeyroar · 14/07/2022 11:45

If you don’t need it to live on save it up for the child’s university costs or house deposit. They might as well get something good out of their father..

IncompleteSenten · 14/07/2022 11:46

A child has the right to be supported by both their parents.

Both parents have equal responsibility to provide for their child.

We need to stop seeing the nrp contribution as an optional top up.

Solosunrise · 14/07/2022 11:46

BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 14/07/2022 11:44

Think about it this way if he is covering his share of costs towards the dc that then frees up some of your money to spend on yourself. You would not be spending the maintenance on yourself

Exactly!

Bemyclementine · 14/07/2022 11:47

I read itvas OP being able to afford her nails done if Ex was providing sone money for the child.

Anyway, yes do claim., or ask him to come to a private arrangement. If he was not a high earner and claiming would make him struggle (and you are ok without) then I could see why you might not.

As it is, he should support his child financially.

girlmom21 · 14/07/2022 11:49

He agreed that if it happened it would be fine. You can't change your mind after the fact and decide that absolves you of responsibility.

givealittlewhistle · 14/07/2022 11:49

Low earning single mothers are excepted to cope, so I would feel no guilt about claiming from a low earning non residential father.

As he is a high earner I wouldn't give it a second thought.

ilovemyboys3 · 14/07/2022 11:51

I would most certainly claim. If you don't need it to live off then I would simply put it in to savings for your child's future. University fees, house deposit, first car etc etc. you may not always be "well off" anything can happen in the future so you should claim and put it aside for a "raining day" or savings.

Mia85 · 14/07/2022 11:52

IncompleteSenten · 14/07/2022 11:46

A child has the right to be supported by both their parents.

Both parents have equal responsibility to provide for their child.

We need to stop seeing the nrp contribution as an optional top up.

Exactly this.
How old is the DC? 18 years is a long time to be the sole financial provider and you don't know what the future holds.

drlel · 14/07/2022 11:53

I don't think OP is suggesting that she claims to get her nails done or to pay for a weekend away. I think she's saying that if she claims and then spends her own money on treating herself she'd feel guilty.

As a single mum with a good income of my own I totally get that as I used to feel the same. I have a nice house and a nice car and my ex used to throw about statements about how he was subsiding my luxury lifestyle 🙄

However the way I see it is that I work damn hard and earn enough money of my own to spend it as I see fit and treat myself occasionally.

The way to think of it is: write a list of everything you need to spend on your DC every month (food, clothes, nursery costs, a contribution to keeping a roof over their head, utilities etc). As long as what your ex is asked to contribute doesn't equate to more than 50% of the cost of raising your joint child you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about

Ncwinc · 14/07/2022 11:54

Just because you can afford to live without a financial contribution from the child’s father doesn’t mean you should. This is his child. He has a financial responsibility to that child. Even if you don’t need it to pay the gas bill or put food on the table you can put in into an account and use it to cover the cost of future childcare and activities for your DC.

BackT · 14/07/2022 11:55

Absolutely you should claim.
You might not need the money now but you probably will at some point.

Get the claim started straight away.

fedup078 · 14/07/2022 11:56

Honestly I think even if you were a millionaire then he should still step up and take some responsibility
He needs to learn he can't go around creating more humans and gets to skip off as if nothing has happened

BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 14/07/2022 11:57

To put things into perspective i have a decent income myself however with childcare of £450 a month, dance school £90, private tutoring £60, swimming lessons £75 plus lots of other incidentals before we even look at food. I could afford all that without maintenance however it wouldn't leave room for fun stuff, the maintenance helps me pay for those items leaving my income free to be saved for holidays or heaven forbid the occasional coffee out. Yes I've been accused of spending the maintenance on myself but it doesn't even come to half what I pay out for my dc so no it all goes on them, it's my money I spend on me.

Zilla1 · 14/07/2022 12:18

Please ignore the 'I wouldn't claim maintenance to get your nails done'. You would be claiming maintenance so both your DC's parents funds their costs rather than one paying all her disposable income on her DC. Save most of the money if you want to manage the risk of you falling ill and earning is impaired.

Zilla1 · 14/07/2022 12:18

Please ignore the 'I wouldn't claim maintenance to get your nails done'. You would be claiming maintenance so both your DC's parents funds their costs rather than one paying all her disposable income on her DC. Save most of the money if you want to manage the risk of you falling ill and earning is impaired.

Littlegoth · 14/07/2022 12:19

Of course you should claim. He is still financially responsible for the baby you created together!

AgentJohnson · 14/07/2022 12:30

If he didn’t want to risk getting you pregnant he should have worn a condom. Claim, out of principal. He isn’t the first man who claimed not to be ready immediately after getting someone pregnant.