To wonder if it’s right to claim maintenance?

[Gelppp]

DP and I broke up in pregnancy. I had been very lax about contraception because we were happy to have a family and he said if it happened it happened…

it happened and he was shocked to being with, as was I and we talked about what to do. Decided to go ahead.

when we broke up he basically had nothing to do with the pregnancy and said I shouldn’t carry on as he wasn’t ready to be a dad and we clearly weren’t right together… by then I was 16 weeks and couldn’t face it. I was fine with him disappearing in pregnancy as to be honest he was quite a misery about supporting me much!

however, it’s now time to claim if I’m going to and I feel weird about it?! He has nothing to do with his his DC and clearly has no interest, nothing. He won’t get anything from this other than a deduction to his pay and as he is a high earner I feel weirdly uncomfortable about it. We get by ok and DC doesn’t want for anything but obviously the extra always helpful. I can’t help feeling like it would just make my life better though… get my nails done or a weekend away etc as DC has what they need. Guess it’s a bit of guilt perhaps, i don’t know what!!

what would you do?

So you remove the biological father because he was abusive with you.

Yes! As should every woman and every court

Was he abusive to the child?

You mean beating a kid's mother has no effect on the child? Pshaw!

You sound miserable. Your intolerance is the proof. Let me guess, part time minimum wage? Blame for ex for your lack of future?

Make the claim. Save for University, first car, house deposit, gap year, savings, dental work, holidays and on and on.
Children are expensive and your job is not secure.

Claim

You may not need it now but you will later. Kids get more expensive as they get older

Also saying getting your nails done, whilst that sounds highly inappropriate you earn money so whose to say which £ pays for what

Put surplus in a savings account/premium bonds etc and don't feel guilty. It took two to tango

Going against the grain here but I was in a similar position.(apart from the high earner bit) I didn't. It didn't sit right with me, and ours was a complete accident- he told me to get an abortion and I didn't.

I did ok, and the MAJOR benefit was he wasn't part of our lives at all. I met and married a lovely man who my DS looks on as his dad and always has. So it really was like a sperm donor. I wouldn't risk the hassle when he turns up in x years and says ' I paid I want a relationship'

Are you bonkers?

A) It’s his kid and he needs to pay for it - it was his choice as much as yours not to use birth control (not that it would matter if you had been) and no one gets to tell a women she should have an abortion.

B) You are bringing up his kid so it’s not unreasonable to pay for some of your living expenses if you need that. And if you chose to spend it on your nails, that’s up to you.

Claim every penny you can, put it away for your child’s future if you really don’t need it, Men who abandon their kids are the worst. Don’t let him get away with it scot free.

You sound like a loser

Have you costed childcare etc? You might be surprised how fast your money goes

Incorrect.

Full time, work in STEM, highly paid, did my UG and PG at an RG Uni since we split up. If you don’t know what that means, and I suspect you don’t - it means I went to one of the best, most hardcore Universities in the country, for my BSc and my MRes.

He is the one with a string of NMW jobs, who can’t hold one down for more than 8 weeks, who can’t keep a roof over his own head, who’s addiction will see him dead before he’s 50.

For the third time - back to the incel corner of the web for you.