I believe my husband is cheating

[Meklk]

Hi!
We are together 15 years (6 married). Have 3 years old child.
I just can't understand what's going on with my husband. I'll give you some facts, please tell me I'm not an idiot, I really think he has other women from his workplace...
*he constantly telling me about his female collegue (she helps him, she supports him, she is nice, etc.)
*I constantly find some black hairs at home (she is brunette), I'm blonde, so definitely not mine
*he became more nervous at home - one minute he can laugh with me, another - doesn't want to talk to me
*he spends A LOT money - taking cash (despite the fact that he HATES cash and pays everywhere with card), every day when he works he spends around £15 at the corner shop next to his workplace (workplace providing all meals and drinks, he doesn't smoke)
*he is attached with his phone, I managed to unlock it but couldn't find any evidence, he is quite good with computers, etc, I'm pretty sure it's hidden app or something as he switching off the phone every single time I'm next to him
*We have family laptop and he removed his email log in details from there
*he has very high sex drive and he is very good in bed but I noticed he doesn't want to kiss me anymore or cuddle, only sex and done.
*he started to complain about homemade food - I'm cooking the same 15 years and definitely didn't change any recipes, he used to love my dishes.
*he avoids eye contact with me
*sometimes he is doing late shifts, coming home around 2-3am and sits downstairs in the kitchen until 6am in the morning. When I asked him why - he said he wants to relax
*he tries to avoid any public appearance with me or our child
*and the last one - yesterday I took a shower and after I finished, I noticed that he left with our child (without telling me!), I was so confused, called him, text him, he replied back after an hour and blamed me that it's my problem, he just wanted to take our child to playground and I was taking shower too long. I tried to ask our child, he is only three and all he managed to tell me that "daddy was talking over the phone".
What do you think?

He's definitely up to something

Please tell me, how I can get any evidence?
I mentioned that couldn't find anything on his phone. I asked him why did he spend a lot money last month (our budget quite tight at the moment) - he said he bought some energy drinks, some sandwiches, nasal spray, etc.
We used to have a sex almost every single day and it used to be amazing, now it looks like he even struggling to "finish". I mentioned this too, he said he is tired, has headache, etc....

If you suspect him bringing her to your home, when is this likely to be? can you catch him off guard and come back when he is least expecting you to?

Definitely sounds suspicious I'm sorry to say. Can u come out and ask his straight out? His reaction may tell U the answer x

Sorry I think you know.

Yes I think you will need to catch him in the act. Maybe set up a camera or hire a private investigator.
Your husband sounds the type to gaslight you of you confront him. You will definitely need hard evidence.
Also start organising yourself in terms of getting ready to divorce- copies of all his bank statements etc.

I wouldn’t ask him straight out. As if he’d admit it! Just be more careful in future. Say you’re crazy and paranoid etc etc.

Could he be going to the pub at lunchtime or after work to explain the £15 a day?

Could you observe him from a distance at times he’d go for lunch or when he finishes work to see where he goes. Obviously not when he’s not on nightshift. Do you have your own car, or someone else’s preferably, you could park a bit away? Someone to watch DC?

Could he be bringing her home feasibly or do you think the hairs are coming off his clothes? If there’s a logistic possibility he’s bringing her to your home, come home when he’s not expecting you to.

I’d be doing everything to discount this, as your suspicions are very valid, before I confronted him.

It’s often said on here if the trust is gone, the marriage is over so don’t bother investigating, but you have a right to know if your DH is cheating on you and his behaviour is the reason the trust has gone!

I'd be setting up a camera (Nest etc). I'm really sorry.

Could it be something like gambling? Only asking for the money side and change in character , staying up all night but at home. Something is wrong in any case, O would confront him and see what he says. If he continues to deny there’s a problem, maybe it’s time to try to catch him out.

Do you have a joint bank account? I think you should ring fence some of your own money into your bank account then confront him and ask him to leave. Even if he isn't having an affair then it seems he has checked out of the marriage.

The gambling idea shouldn’t be dismissed

All of it sounds awful. The complimenting a colleague and finding hairs. And the turning off the phone when You're next to him. I think you need to catch him in the act. Why not say you want to go visit family and will like to stay overnight and then text him to say you have arrived safely, but you're actually secretly parked down the street and watch and see if he goes anywhere or someone comes to the house. Then just March in through the door and catch him in the act !

I definitely think he is cheating. All sounds very sketchy and you and your child deserve better.

Thank you for all your messages.
*he doesn't do that at home, I'm sure 100%.I'm working locally and coming back home for lunch, etc. My schedule is different every single day, so sometimes I'm coming back earlier. He works 12 miles away. I noticed that last couple of months he has more "trainings" or doing overtime, so he is definitely doing it somewhere else
*I usually find these black hairs next to our laundry basket or in the bathroom (I tried to smell his clothes too but I lost most of my sense of smell after Covid couple of years ago so it's very hard to say if there is anything suspicious)
*I asked him couple of times about his "overtime" or money spent but it looks like he prepared all the answers
*but I really saw he is trying to escape me with phone - for example going to toilet for half an hour , going to cut the grass second time in couple of days, etc
*I'm pretty sure that I need somehow to manage to find something on his phone.... Because he is a very good actor

Yes, he’s definitely cheating.

He had gambling problems in the past. Yes, I could believe he is taking cash for it. But he spends daily amount of money for something else too. I managed to check his statement and every single day when he is at work, he spends around £20-£25 at the corner shop next to his workplace (statement shows the shop name and location). And I'm pretty sure it's not a lunch food because he is provided with lunch, coffee and soft drinks at work.

Can you use an apple tag to track him?
Can you try ti stop the cash so you can see where he is spending?
Can you try to access his phone and do a deeper search?
Can you confront him?

Can you just call it a day?

The mentionitis is a dead giveaway.
I'm not sure you need proof - you are unhappy in your marriage because of your husbands change in behaviour, that is enough to leave / arrange counselling/ whatever your endgame is.

20 - 25 quid a day at work is £500 a month. That he can't/won't account for, in cash.

Gambling, affair, god knows. But definitely needs addressing. What would he do if you took £500 a month out of the household budget?

I spent almost an hour on his phone - checked his email, Facebook, messages, calls, etc - literally nothing. But it looks like he is deleting most of the stuff or has some secret app for messaging.
Because I saw notification on his phone "conversation deleted".
Googling history was deleted too.

Yes, £500 it's a lot. He never saved on food and he started to do it. It looks he is scared I'll be short of money and will ask him more than our weekly food budget. He started to say - "oh, don't buy so many ice creams, don't buy chocolate, etc".

And one more thing - he told me the wants second child which was a red flag for me because it looks like he wants me to be busy and just let him enjoy his lifestyle.

Is he getting cashbacks at the shop?

No, he is taking cash from our local cash machine.

That is very suspicious he is deleting all history! Definitely trying to hide something..

Is he buying scratchcards from the shop?

Gambling (lotto?) or he's having an affair with the person working in the corner shop!