I believe my husband is cheating

[Meklk]

Hi!
We are together 15 years (6 married). Have 3 years old child.
I just can't understand what's going on with my husband. I'll give you some facts, please tell me I'm not an idiot, I really think he has other women from his workplace...
*he constantly telling me about his female collegue (she helps him, she supports him, she is nice, etc.)
*I constantly find some black hairs at home (she is brunette), I'm blonde, so definitely not mine
*he became more nervous at home - one minute he can laugh with me, another - doesn't want to talk to me
*he spends A LOT money - taking cash (despite the fact that he HATES cash and pays everywhere with card), every day when he works he spends around £15 at the corner shop next to his workplace (workplace providing all meals and drinks, he doesn't smoke)
*he is attached with his phone, I managed to unlock it but couldn't find any evidence, he is quite good with computers, etc, I'm pretty sure it's hidden app or something as he switching off the phone every single time I'm next to him
*We have family laptop and he removed his email log in details from there
*he has very high sex drive and he is very good in bed but I noticed he doesn't want to kiss me anymore or cuddle, only sex and done.
*he started to complain about homemade food - I'm cooking the same 15 years and definitely didn't change any recipes, he used to love my dishes.
*he avoids eye contact with me
*sometimes he is doing late shifts, coming home around 2-3am and sits downstairs in the kitchen until 6am in the morning. When I asked him why - he said he wants to relax
*he tries to avoid any public appearance with me or our child
*and the last one - yesterday I took a shower and after I finished, I noticed that he left with our child (without telling me!), I was so confused, called him, text him, he replied back after an hour and blamed me that it's my problem, he just wanted to take our child to playground and I was taking shower too long. I tried to ask our child, he is only three and all he managed to tell me that "daddy was talking over the phone".
What do you think?

Voice recorder hidden in the car is a great idea.

And cashback- of course! I hadn't thought of that. It must be that or scratchcards.

OP I'm so sorry you're going through this. I've been cheated on (boyfriend not husband though) and it drove me mad trying to work out what was going on. The gaslighting was the worst.

If your getting a voice recorder ,get the voice activated one as the battery lasts longer . He'll more than likely have her on loud speaker when driving, so you'll clearly hear their conversations .

Definitely sounds like there's something going on with this woman he keeps mentioning - the bloody gall of him if he's had her in your house!

Sorry OP - I've been there and it's gut-wrenching. It's the gaslighting that's the worst, it makes you feel like you're going mad. Why do these men always have to have their cake and eat it?

Nothing more to add except stay strong OP!

Scratch cards ?

I think you know then Sorry

My mum hired a private detective and caught my dad out. I'd do that. Just from what you said, that all sounds highly suspicious.

I’m thinking the gambling is what he is trying to hide from you. Maybe the girl from work is a distraction. If he has a set work place I would be tempted to pop by when he is due to start/finish take lunch and see if I could see for myself.
I would also tell him everything that you suspect. He may admit. He may deny. If he denies watch his body language carefully. Tell him you want to go to counselling and your unhappy and see how he reacts. If he refuses you know you have issues. You can give him a ultimatum. If he agrees you may find a whole host of things come out.

I respectfully disagree with anyone who suggests counseling

Cheating and stealing are abuse.

You can’t have success in counseling with someone who is an abuser. I sure he done a lot more abusive type of actions. You just can’t pretend counseling is magic whereby someone who knows they are hurting and using you will somehow get a magic realization. They KNOW. That’s why they hide it. It’s toxic to think you can therapy it all out. Don’t fall for it. It’s well documented that you can’t.

OP, you’re in a crap place. I promise if you can get rid of him, if even to secure yourself and take some space from him. Being separate and putting yourself into a good position…. You can from a place of stability work on things. If that can’t be done then you know you’re just chasing a ghost of something that never lived.

it’s time to think of yourself. Someone who loves you wouldn’t even want you to feel the way your feeling.

Get a cheap old school phone, or one from a drawer. And use it like a dictaphone. Place where you suspect he makes calls.

But to be honest you might get some peace and quiet if he is else occupied. Sometimes affairs make for better relationships.

It will run its course. Then he'll go from two to zero.

I never know how people find the time for affairs!

My ex-wife used one of those affair sites. Looking at the profiles, most of the women who cheat were - like my ex-wife - SAHMs with school age children. I minimise the child maintenance as much as possible so my ex-wife has to work every spare hour she has now, so I guess she finds it harder these days 😂

Just another place for her to meet men I’m afraid 😳

Don't be afraid. I don't care what she does with her life now (provided the children are okay of course), we're divorced!

You kinda do? You mentioned it and felt working would give her less time to? It might be “harder” you said?

Just pointing out she’s likely meeting more now.

Easier.

Not trying to start anything I know you are divorced which is frankly weird you’d even care. She has less money for the kids and more hours to work but.. on the job she’s meeting men.

Sorry, I thought you’d processed it given your gleeful comments. Life might be harder for your children with her working, and you helping as little as you can, but she’s sure as the sun rises having men in her bed.

Lets hope one will be a good stepfather! That’s what really matters!

I was joking. When we were married she used to hook up with men on a regular basis when the children were at school. I'd either be at work or she would either claim she was working shifts or meeting friends during the day. Now she hasn't got any time for that and has to work like the rest of us.

If she's meeting men at work that's great and hopefully she'll find one who cohabits with her because it means I'll probably get less phone calls begging for money.

One thing though - please don't make digs about making life harder for the children because she's working. Working is what self reliant adults have to do, it's a fact of life. Also, claims that I'm "not helping" are simply untrue. I wanted 50/50 and got 65/35. I would happily do more. If she wants to stop that for financial gain, then the difficulties she faces are of her own making and easily resolved.

As for the stepfather thing, well, based on who my ex-wife goes for, they're probably too busy with their own wife and kids to do that full time 😂

Hi everyone, I have some updates...
So, I managed to check his bag and found receipts, hidden in the back pocket. He is buying top ups for online account to play his computer games. If someone is dealing with the same situation - there is a "paysafecard" which you can top up on the shops, supermarkets, etc and then spend these money for online games.
So at least I know where he spends almost £200/week.
I'm now trying to find some evidence that he is having an affair.

I just want to print it out all evidence and give it for him with divorce papers. I'm also doing some backup plans for me and my child.
Thank you for your support, I'm feeling like I'm not alone in this battle....

Oh OP, what a mess. Is it possible the OW is also a gamer? I think dealing with an addiction and an affair would stretch even the best of narcissists.

@Meklk Those top up cards aren't just used for computer games and you can use a credit card for computer games. For example, you could use these cards to join a paid for dating app like Ashley Madison or to pay for online " adult services." I would be questioning why he would use such a card in the circumstances as normally it's kids who buy these cards because they can't get a debit card. Also, bear in mind he could have bought the top ups on his credit card. Why on earth take cash out first unless he wants to hide it?

I would suggest if you are gathering evidence to see if the paysafecard has a website where you can view the transactions.