I know this thread will attract a lot of negative comments and maybe I need that but mostly I need advice on what to do or how to move past this.
Apologies for the length, I’ve tried to explain it all.
I met a man about 3 years ago through mutual friends, we instantly got on like a house on fire. He’s married (7 years, no kids) but it didn’t mean anything as we were solely friends, we became really close and he started to confide in my about his problems at home. He would tell me how unhappy he was, how he got married too young, rushed into it and now him and his wife are different people and their life is just not a marriage. He said his life is not what he wanted it to be, he would talk about how he really wanted children and she didn’t and how his life feels so empty. He told me it’s rare they would have sex, maybe a couple of times a year on the typical ‘special occasions’ and they would often argue and sleep in separate rooms.. whenever they would talk about it, they would say they would try to make things better.. but it would always go back to how it was.
Trying to be a friend, I gave him advice on what may help improve things or if he wanted to walk away that would be fine too, a lot of marriages end. It’s still just a friendship for us at this point.
fast forward another six months and we start to spend more time together and I realise I’ve developed feelings for him. I tried to ignore this but it becomes apparent he also has feelings for me.
we both knew it was wrong but couldn’t stay away from each other and we began seeing each other romantically and in all honesty, it was amazing. I’ve never felt happiness like I had when we would be together, we would spend as much time as possible together and I fell in love with him, completely. It wasn’t just sex, we would have days out at the beach, meals at restaurant, long walks together etc. I knew he was still unhappy in his marriage but we didn’t really talk about it, almost as if we ignored it it wouldn’t be there.
we would talk about our future together and I saw such a change in him, from the miserable, depressive man I met 3 years ago, to this really happy, positive loving man.
we would spend time together and he would get visibly upset that he would have to leave and return to his ‘normal life’. He would tell me over and over again that he wanted to be with me and only me, that he saw his future with me.
A year in I decided I needed him to actually commit to me and told him this. He said he will find a way to end his marriage. He didn’t want to tell her he’d fallen in love with someone else as he didn’t want to hurt her even more than ending the marriage would.
weeks went by and no change. I told him we can’t go on like this and he said that he wants to be with me more than anything, but can’t leave her, he feels so guilty and he would rather he suffers in a life that makes him unhappy, than put her through the pain of a divorce.
I genuinely believe he is unhappy in his marriage but I just can’t understand why he won’t leave if he does. I understand that he doesn’t want to hurt her, but he’s hurting both of them by carrying on with such an unhappy life.
I obviously told him that if he can’t commit to solely me then I have to walk away, it can’t keep going on like this.
I just want to hear peoples opinions? Have I been an idiot? Has anyone had anything like this?
Do I do anything? Tell the wife?
what do I do about him? Just cut him out my life? Try and be friends? See if he ends his marriage? Please help :(