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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

He Cancelled a Few Hours Before the Date

43 replies

Kentia90 · 10/07/2022 11:42

So I had a date with a guy I thought it went really well and we stayed out all night until closing. He was due to go on holiday the next day. He asked if I was free the next day after him getting home and we pick a day but don’t make any solid plans.

He texted me quite a bit while he was out there which surprised me and then after day 5 he goes completely quiet. I don’t hear off him until the day we talked about meeting up apparently his phone broke he got it fixed when he got back. So it’s too short notice really to make plans that day so we decide on Fri.

Fri comes around, I get a babysitter, 3 hours before we are meant to meet he said he can’t leave his children they’re too upset he is going out and he hasn’t seen them in ages so he doesn’t have the heart to leave them can we do the day after or some day before I go away on holiday.

I just reply no worries. I can’t do before I go away I’ve got plans but maybe we can sort something when I'm back.

He has since replied 3 times to that text apologising and asking me what I am doing that night and how awful he feels about cancelling.

Im interested to know what you all make of it? I feel like there's a good chance he's just not that into me and he's making excuses. I haven’t messaged back, some of my friends think I’m being harsh by ignoring him. That's twice I kept a day free and arranged a babysitter and have been disappointed. Do I ignore him, do I reply, do I make plans when I’m back? Do I give him another chance?

OP posts:

Reallyreallyborednow · 10/07/2022 19:01

so he’s only cancelled once? The other time was only tentative?

he cancels because his children need him? Is that a bigger red flag than someone who goes out anyway and leaves the kids to it?

stop booking a babysitter and tell him you can only meet when the kids are with their dad.

Original poster

Kentia90 · 10/07/2022 19:10

Reallyreallyborednow · 10/07/2022 19:01

so he’s only cancelled once? The other time was only tentative?

he cancels because his children need him? Is that a bigger red flag than someone who goes out anyway and leaves the kids to it?

stop booking a babysitter and tell him you can only meet when the kids are with their dad.

Yes first time we only said let's do this day but made no plans as in where and a time so fair enough. Second time I think he should have thought about that before agreeing to go on a date and he really could have gave me more notice.

I'm fine with the reason if its genuine. I'm not fine if it's just an excuse and he just couldn't be bothered or something better came up.

I guess I'm trying to work out which one it is.

OP posts:

Original poster

Kentia90 · 10/07/2022 19:13

MargotMoon · 10/07/2022 18:54

Not being available/cancelling at very short notice, lots of messaging and then going quiet for days on end then getting back in touch, blowing hot and cold basically.

I mean, even if he is genuinely single is this behaviour acceptable really?

Your right it's not acceptable I'm trying to work out if he's telling the truth or not. If his phone broke fair enough that couldn't be helped. I just don't want to be a mug and just agree to any more dates if he's not that interested but the constant messages are telling me otherwise so I really don't know what to think.

OP posts:

Beachsidesunset · 10/07/2022 19:13

You don't know his surname?

Original poster

Kentia90 · 10/07/2022 19:15

Beachsidesunset · 10/07/2022 19:13

You don't know his surname?

No he told me and I can't remember it. I could barely pronounce it I think it's Scottish. Kicking myself now for not paying more attention. I have a very common first name and that's it.

OP posts:

Superduperwooper · 10/07/2022 19:15

Kentia90 · 10/07/2022 18:26

I mean I can never be sure. He isn't on social media so it's not like I can do any stalking haha. Who knows

Show quote history

Yup, he's not single.

BlueBellsArePretty · 10/07/2022 22:16

Can you remember what letter his surname began with?

DenholmElliot1 · 10/07/2022 22:22

"He isn't on social media"

Ah. That old chesnut.

Mahanii · 10/07/2022 23:02

*"He isn't on social media"

Ah. That old chesnut.*

I'm not on social media! Not everyone is.

seaUrchinOne · 10/07/2022 23:19

I was just thinking, I'm not on social media and I am single, nothing to hide!

I wouldn't put up with flakiness, he should of been more organised with his parenting than let you down, knowing you had gone to the effort of organising a babysitter. This is the way some people are, might not be anything sinister like in a relationship already but just can't keep to plans and not think how it effects others.

Winterautumn · 10/07/2022 23:45

I’m 100% sure he’s not 100% single

Watchkeys · 11/07/2022 09:27

Winterautumn · 10/07/2022 23:45

I’m 100% sure he’s not 100% single

You've spoken to him personally then? Or you have 100% faith in your suspicions? It's got to be one or the other.

EmmaH2022 · 11/07/2022 09:36

My first thought was married. Sorry.

if not, who wants to deal with all this crap anyway!

Sandra1984 · 11/07/2022 09:36

I wouldn’t go on a date again with someone who cancelled on me last minute (after I had to arrange for a baby sitter) with the silly excuse of: “ oh I just changed my mind and would rather xyz”.

Maybe he’s single, maybe he’s busy but he’s selfish, inconsiderate and quite unavailable so I would move on to greener pastures. He may also be texting you a lot (needs your attention) but his actions that speak louder than words. Don’t loose your time OP. He’s bread crumbing you.

Sandra1984 · 07/01/2023 23:34

His phone broke for 5 days, he cancelled twice on you, he’s not
on social media and his dissapeared from the dating app after a few days. This guy is so married…

Hoplesscynic · 07/01/2023 23:54

I don't get the "kids too upset" excuse. He's supposed to be going out to see you, surely his kids would be left with their mum? Or was he supposed to also have a babysitter and cancelled them on such a short notice?
Either way, a shitty thing to do and combined with the "broken phone", going off OLD and no SM presence I also bet that he is in fact married/in a relationship. Most likely couldn't get away from his wife or felt guilty to meet with you, so cancelled but kept texting you as he still wants a shag (eventually).

birder · 08/01/2023 00:08

A bit of a zombie thread. Would love to know how things panned out OP.

kittie01 · 08/01/2023 00:10

I had that with my other half at the start and I dumped him. Told him there’s plenty of men willing to step into his shoes. He kept apologising but I said no. He’d cancelled two dates at that stage. I didn’t need sitters but I felt I wasted my time. He got back in touch after a few weeks and we chatted again and he said he’d sort himself out as he’d issues with his kids and ex etc. I know him since I was a child and his family and his ex. He sorted himself out and we started going out walking again then we got together. We’re nearly a year down the road, he’s chaotic and a big gobshite but he’s my gobshite and we’re practically living together now and it’s great. (I’ve got massive issues but we’re working on that) I hope you get sorted

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