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Original poster

He Cancelled a Few Hours Before the Date

43 replies

Kentia90 · 10/07/2022 11:42

So I had a date with a guy I thought it went really well and we stayed out all night until closing. He was due to go on holiday the next day. He asked if I was free the next day after him getting home and we pick a day but don’t make any solid plans.

He texted me quite a bit while he was out there which surprised me and then after day 5 he goes completely quiet. I don’t hear off him until the day we talked about meeting up apparently his phone broke he got it fixed when he got back. So it’s too short notice really to make plans that day so we decide on Fri.

Fri comes around, I get a babysitter, 3 hours before we are meant to meet he said he can’t leave his children they’re too upset he is going out and he hasn’t seen them in ages so he doesn’t have the heart to leave them can we do the day after or some day before I go away on holiday.

I just reply no worries. I can’t do before I go away I’ve got plans but maybe we can sort something when I'm back.

He has since replied 3 times to that text apologising and asking me what I am doing that night and how awful he feels about cancelling.

Im interested to know what you all make of it? I feel like there's a good chance he's just not that into me and he's making excuses. I haven’t messaged back, some of my friends think I’m being harsh by ignoring him. That's twice I kept a day free and arranged a babysitter and have been disappointed. Do I ignore him, do I reply, do I make plans when I’m back? Do I give him another chance?

OP posts:
IodineQueen · 10/07/2022 12:27

I would throw this one back personally. It sounds like at best he’s flaky, and life is too short.

harri2214 · 10/07/2022 12:28

It depends what you think of him and how much you are interested in pursuing this. You might be right and he's not that interested, or his reasons may be genuine. He may be losing confidence or other things going on in his mind. Either way, i agree that's not great the way he's cancelled on you and it would ring alarm bells for me too e.g not being reliable etc. Can you think of him in your mind as just a mate and text back but keep things casual. Tell yourself it doesn't matter much if things work out or not/if you meet up or not etc. Ignoring him completely is a good sign that you're not gonna keep trying but if he's a decent person and there might be something there, you could keep things open, reply to him, make tentative arrangements but don't have high expectations. Let him do the running after u and make it clear that if he cancels on you again that you're not gonna bother with him. Ultimately, it depends how much u like him and whether u see any future with this guy. Dunno if that helps at all. Good luck whatever u decide.

Watchkeys · 10/07/2022 12:31

Are you enjoying what he's showing you? If you like being let down like this and want it to be a feature in your life, chase him. If you'd rather not, let him go. It's not rocket science, this stuff. It's about you, and what you like, rather than about what people think is the 'right' thing for you to do.

Pinkbonbon · 10/07/2022 12:31

Best case scenario he is flaky and didn't have the common sense to figure he would want to spend time with his kids after a week away (seriously op...bit thick isn't he?). And you know going forwards his kids will be used to excuse his flakiness. Worst case scenario, he is a player who had a better offer at the last minute.

billy1966 · 10/07/2022 12:32

You are not being harsh.

He's flaky which is tedious.

Ignore him.

DenholmElliot1 · 10/07/2022 12:32

Are you sure he's single?

Original poster
Kentia90 · 10/07/2022 17:53

harri2214 · 10/07/2022 12:28

It depends what you think of him and how much you are interested in pursuing this. You might be right and he's not that interested, or his reasons may be genuine. He may be losing confidence or other things going on in his mind. Either way, i agree that's not great the way he's cancelled on you and it would ring alarm bells for me too e.g not being reliable etc. Can you think of him in your mind as just a mate and text back but keep things casual. Tell yourself it doesn't matter much if things work out or not/if you meet up or not etc. Ignoring him completely is a good sign that you're not gonna keep trying but if he's a decent person and there might be something there, you could keep things open, reply to him, make tentative arrangements but don't have high expectations. Let him do the running after u and make it clear that if he cancels on you again that you're not gonna bother with him. Ultimately, it depends how much u like him and whether u see any future with this guy. Dunno if that helps at all. Good luck whatever u decide.

Thanks I think what you say makes a lot of sense. I have left it at we'll sort something out when I get back from my holiday. He has replied but I won't bother messaging back. If he messages again in a few weeks when I'm back wanting to meet up and I have no other dates or nothing better to do I might meet up with him.

If I hear nothing I guess I'm not missing out.

Appreciate the advice Smile

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 10/07/2022 17:55

If he messages again in a few weeks when I'm back wanting to meet up and I have no other dates or nothing better to do I might meet up with him

With what intention? To book a babysitter you don't need (again)? I wouldn't bother arranging anything with him.

CornishTiger · 10/07/2022 17:58

I’m a little confused. He’s messaged you three times since you said maybe see you when I’m free from being away.

You didn’t reply but he’s messaged three times asking what you are up to and apologising.

He clearly chasing you and knows you are annoyed at being let down.

Watchkeys · 10/07/2022 18:01

CornishTiger · 10/07/2022 17:58

I’m a little confused. He’s messaged you three times since you said maybe see you when I’m free from being away.

You didn’t reply but he’s messaged three times asking what you are up to and apologising.

He clearly chasing you and knows you are annoyed at being let down.

What's confusing? He asks to see her and then lets her down at the last minute. Continually asking when she doesn't respond is just a sign that he enjoys the chase.

Original poster
Kentia90 · 10/07/2022 18:04

CornishTiger · 10/07/2022 17:58

I’m a little confused. He’s messaged you three times since you said maybe see you when I’m free from being away.

You didn’t reply but he’s messaged three times asking what you are up to and apologising.

He clearly chasing you and knows you are annoyed at being let down.

So he cancelled. I said no worries maybe when back we can sort something out. He messaged another 3 times that night because I wasn't replying and maybe felt guilty I don't know.

I have just replied to him today pretty much the same thing we'll sort something out when I get back and he's replied agreeing asking how I am etc etc

So I'll leave it at that for now. His behaviour is confusing he seems keen but then is also making up a lame excuse for cancelling last min. I really don't know what to think. Im confused too!

OP posts:
Original poster
Kentia90 · 10/07/2022 18:09

Watchkeys · 10/07/2022 17:55

If he messages again in a few weeks when I'm back wanting to meet up and I have no other dates or nothing better to do I might meet up with him

With what intention? To book a babysitter you don't need (again)? I wouldn't bother arranging anything with him.

No your right there I won't be booking a babysitter. Normally I have weekends free when my kid is with his dad but his dad was unable to have him for a few weeks.

I do really like the guy it's been a long time since I got excited about anyone like him but I also find flakiness a huge turn off so I'm in two minds about him.

But even then do I want to waste my precious time when I could be doing something else. I'll have to have a think about that one. If I have nothing better on maybe.

OP posts:
redtshirt50 · 10/07/2022 18:15

I think he sounds like he's just bad at planning / a bit of a chaotic person, not that he's doing it on purpose.

The fact he messaged you three times shows he feels bad - that he didn't want to cancel but felt he had no choice.

I would be inclined to give him a second chance, but don't spend too much time messaging him while you're on holiday!

Babyboomtastic · 10/07/2022 18:24

If you are not longer interested, then why are you saying 'maybe'? Just be honest with him.

I had a guy once who a few dates in, cancelled a couple of hours before he was due to come over for the weekend, as he remembered he was going to a wedding the next day. Sounded a bit dodgy, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

We are now very happily married with 2 kids. He genuinely did forget about his best friend's wedding 🤣

If you otherwise really like him, then it could just be a screw up, but if you aren't that emotionally invested, then move on...

Original poster
Kentia90 · 10/07/2022 18:24

Pinkbonbon · 10/07/2022 12:31

Best case scenario he is flaky and didn't have the common sense to figure he would want to spend time with his kids after a week away (seriously op...bit thick isn't he?). And you know going forwards his kids will be used to excuse his flakiness. Worst case scenario, he is a player who had a better offer at the last minute.

I did think that maybe he had a better offer or went out with mates instead but he ended up messaging me throughout the night. I just don't want to waste my time on someone who just isn't that interested. It's hard to work out what he wants.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kentia90 · 10/07/2022 18:26

DenholmElliot1 · 10/07/2022 12:32

Are you sure he's single?

I mean I can never be sure. He isn't on social media so it's not like I can do any stalking haha. Who knows

OP posts:
Original poster
Kentia90 · 10/07/2022 18:31

redtshirt50 · 10/07/2022 18:15

I think he sounds like he's just bad at planning / a bit of a chaotic person, not that he's doing it on purpose.

The fact he messaged you three times shows he feels bad - that he didn't want to cancel but felt he had no choice.

I would be inclined to give him a second chance, but don't spend too much time messaging him while you're on holiday!

He is chaotic lots went wrong on his holiday stuff got lost/misplaced. Even on the date he was a bit like that, I found it quite amusing.

You might be right best case he's just not thought it through. We'll see if he does all the chasing when I get back or I may just not hear from him in that case I'll have my answer.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kentia90 · 10/07/2022 18:36

Babyboomtastic · 10/07/2022 18:24

If you are not longer interested, then why are you saying 'maybe'? Just be honest with him.

I had a guy once who a few dates in, cancelled a couple of hours before he was due to come over for the weekend, as he remembered he was going to a wedding the next day. Sounded a bit dodgy, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

We are now very happily married with 2 kids. He genuinely did forget about his best friend's wedding 🤣

If you otherwise really like him, then it could just be a screw up, but if you aren't that emotionally invested, then move on...

I do really like him we had a great night and neither of us wanted to go home. He's very much my type and I haven't felt excited about anyone like this in a long time.

I just really don't want to waste my time if he's not that bothered. I suppose there's a small chance this is all genuine.

Haha I'm glad you getting cancelled on worked out for you in the end. Maybe I need to give him another chance I'm not sure yet

OP posts:
MargotMoon · 10/07/2022 18:37

This smacks of someone who is in a relationship to me. Unfortunately I know the signs Sad

Besttobe8001 · 10/07/2022 18:40

Kentia90 · 10/07/2022 18:26

I mean I can never be sure. He isn't on social media so it's not like I can do any stalking haha. Who knows

Show quote history

It really sounds like he's not single to me.

Phone getting broken and kids needing you are two classic excuses. You can't really argue with either of them so you don't.

I wouldn't bother personally, for me actions speak louder than words.

You know this yourself by posting on here. Value yourself. Find someone else.

Original poster
Kentia90 · 10/07/2022 18:42

MargotMoon · 10/07/2022 18:37

This smacks of someone who is in a relationship to me. Unfortunately I know the signs Sad

Really that's interesting. What sort of signs?? I mean he's not on social media. He's on a dating app the one we connected on but he disappeared off it a few days ago. He said something about his kids being upset and he couldn't get them to sleep but surely his ex would have had them to sleep if he was planning on coming out? So I am a bit confused by it all.

OP posts:
velvetvixen · 10/07/2022 18:47

Are you sure he's not on SM?

He may be partnered and wants to keep you as an ego boosting pen pal.

Original poster
Kentia90 · 10/07/2022 18:48

He also went away on holiday with 'one' friend. He said he'd send me pics but all I got was messages.

I never have been in a situation where a guys had a girlfriend so I really wouldn't know what to look for but it's strange behaviour.

I've just got another message from him saying he really wanted to see me before I leave.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kentia90 · 10/07/2022 18:52

velvetvixen · 10/07/2022 18:47

Are you sure he's not on SM?

He may be partnered and wants to keep you as an ego boosting pen pal.

He said he's not he said he hates all that kind of stuff. He had a unusual surname and I can't for the life of me remember what it was

OP posts:
MargotMoon · 10/07/2022 18:54

Not being available/cancelling at very short notice, lots of messaging and then going quiet for days on end then getting back in touch, blowing hot and cold basically.

I mean, even if he is genuinely single is this behaviour acceptable really?