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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Would you be put off by this?

135 replies

whatshouldIdo2022 · 06/07/2022 18:52

Been seeing a guy for a while, previously dated him then life took us separate ways so he's not a totally unknown quantity. We get on really well, lots of shared views, sense of humour, we just 'get' each other. I wouldn't say I want to rip his clothes off but he's attractive to me because of the connection we have. We've kissed and talked about having sex. Tomorrow I'm meant to be going to his and we've both been making inferences to that being the night, however..he's started saying things the last few days that have frankly turned me right off. Such as "I'd give an arm to fucking batter you every morning before work" I wouldn't say I'm a prude but this made me feel a bit scared? Intimidated? Its overly crude and a bit aggressive to me and that along with some other similar things he's said make me feel like he views sex as something you do 'to' a woman, or at least he likes the thought of that. He's a very intelligent man and doesn't normally talk like this. I said I didn't particularly like what he'd said and he replied that he just speaks figuratively.
Today I sent him a picture of a peacock I'd seen out and about and he said are you gazing in awe at the towering cock before you..this really just gave me the ick. I'm not really into the whole meek damsel in distress cock worshipping trope.
Not sure what I'm looking for here..my sexual boundaries are a bit skewed by being in a sexless relationship for a long time and feeling really undesirable, so I'm not sure if I'm being a bit sensitive or not. Its nice he clearly wants me but my gut is screaming at me that something isn't right. I feel like maybe if I were responding in a similar manner it would be fine but that the fact he keeps on in this vein when I'm not shows a lack of respect for me.

OP posts:
Iamclearlyamug · 06/07/2022 18:53

Ewww no. That gave me the ick immediately 🤢🤢

Dsisproblem · 06/07/2022 18:55

Confused yeah I wouldn't like that. I also don't like that he continues when you've told him you don't like that kind of talk. Massive turnoff.

whatshouldIdo2022 · 06/07/2022 18:56

Thank you! Its just grim isnt it. Also what's with turning everything into some sort of lads lads lads innuendo. Shame because I really like him but don't think I could go there now.

OP posts:
fedup078 · 06/07/2022 18:57

Yuck

Cocacolacazza · 06/07/2022 18:58

The first one wasn't too bad, but God thar Peacock one was awful! Is he 12?

beautyisthefaceisee · 06/07/2022 18:58

Not for me either op. Really puts me off

isamonster · 06/07/2022 18:59

Erm yes. I have dumped people for less. 🤢

pictish · 06/07/2022 18:59

Well as a woman who would object to being ‘battered’ every morning, I’d be put right the fuck off. I’m not fanny provider thanks.

DariaMorgendorffer · 06/07/2022 19:00

Good god, time to cut this one loose op! Don't even think about going over if you're as sickened by those comments as I am Confused

Bikeybikeface · 06/07/2022 19:00

Do you have any sexual attraction to him at all? I mean his cheesy sex innuendos are a bit crap but maybe they are so far from the mark because you do actually have the ick. Also he does seem a bit clueless if he’s continuing with that line of chat when you haven’t reciprocated.

whatshouldIdo2022 · 06/07/2022 19:03

I don't know what to say to him! Despite this he is a nice guy and I know he'll be upset he's gone too far and put me off..but then this is him, I wouldn't want him to tone it down just so I shag him. He asked if the peacock thing was too much and I just replied with yes. I feel like he's kind of testing what he can get away with saying to me Confused

OP posts:
whatshouldIdo2022 · 06/07/2022 19:05

@Bikeybikeface maybe it is that and I've just tried to ignore it because we get on so well. I guess if I really fancied him I might be saying similar back.

OP posts:
DramaAlpaca · 06/07/2022 19:06

Having read that, I really don't think you should go over to his. Yuck.

Unanananana · 06/07/2022 19:07

If he would be that upset he wouldn't say such disgusting things in the first place.

He is telling you who he is and testing your apparently non-existent boundaries at the same time.

Put him in the bin where his gutter mouth belongs.

FOTTFSOFTFOASM · 06/07/2022 19:08

I wouldn't say I want to rip his clothes off but he's attractive to me because of the connection we have

OP, I was about to say what you've just said - namely that if you really fancied him, you might find it less icky. As it is, it's just icky.

girlmom21 · 06/07/2022 19:14

It'd massively put me off. Sexy/flirty is fine. Crude/crass is grim.

anotherscroller · 06/07/2022 19:16

Doesn’t batter mean beat up?

whatshouldIdo2022 · 06/07/2022 19:18

@anoanotherscroller I did ask him this and he clarified he meant sexually but to be honest anything where you have to make the distinction between physical violence and sex is a turn off!

OP posts:
Dancinginthedark01 · 06/07/2022 19:24

That would put me off. It’s not cheesy, it’s aggressive. Also if you expressed you don’t like it and he’s not taking any notice then I definitely wouldn’t see him any more. It’s sounds like he will carry on oblivious and you couldn’t trust him.

whatshouldIdo2022 · 06/07/2022 19:35

Just for amusement sake, here's another I forgot. Talking about fuel prices and I said that I needed to fill up and he replied "I need to fill you up" 🤢

OP posts:
Yorkshirebred · 06/07/2022 19:38

It'd be a nope from me, he sounds gross 🤮

middleofthelittle · 06/07/2022 19:41

Willing to bet £100 he's bad in bed

Fushiadreams · 06/07/2022 19:41

Sounds like he has never really got much sex so you’re likely not the only woman who doesn’t fancy him and he’s all excited as he thinks he’s going to get laid and can’t believe some woman has actually agreed to it.

OldFan · 06/07/2022 19:42

I've had blokes like this before and wouldn't again. So vulgar.

You're turned off before you even shag him @whatshouldIdo2022 , so why bother shagging him? He might even be dodgy in bed, overly rough for you or ignoring your 'no' or something. Either way, he's disrespectful.

I think I'd say I was put off by this stuff and that's why I was blocking him, and then block. Or you could just block him.

whatshouldIdo2022 · 06/07/2022 19:44

@middleofthelittle I can just imagine him saying something really fucking cringe like that during sex.

OP posts: