Would you be put off by this?

[whatshouldIdo2022]

Been seeing a guy for a while, previously dated him then life took us separate ways so he's not a totally unknown quantity. We get on really well, lots of shared views, sense of humour, we just 'get' each other. I wouldn't say I want to rip his clothes off but he's attractive to me because of the connection we have. We've kissed and talked about having sex. Tomorrow I'm meant to be going to his and we've both been making inferences to that being the night, however..he's started saying things the last few days that have frankly turned me right off. Such as "I'd give an arm to fucking batter you every morning before work" I wouldn't say I'm a prude but this made me feel a bit scared? Intimidated? Its overly crude and a bit aggressive to me and that along with some other similar things he's said make me feel like he views sex as something you do 'to' a woman, or at least he likes the thought of that. He's a very intelligent man and doesn't normally talk like this. I said I didn't particularly like what he'd said and he replied that he just speaks figuratively.
Today I sent him a picture of a peacock I'd seen out and about and he said are you gazing in awe at the towering cock before you..this really just gave me the ick. I'm not really into the whole meek damsel in distress cock worshipping trope.
Not sure what I'm looking for here..my sexual boundaries are a bit skewed by being in a sexless relationship for a long time and feeling really undesirable, so I'm not sure if I'm being a bit sensitive or not. Its nice he clearly wants me but my gut is screaming at me that something isn't right. I feel like maybe if I were responding in a similar manner it would be fine but that the fact he keeps on in this vein when I'm not shows a lack of respect for me.

@MoederBok123 I know, I've only let it slide beyond me indicating I don't find that acceptable because a) I thought he'd get the hint and b) its so out of character, he isnt remotely laddy or immature in any other way. From people's replies I'm thinking he's probably quite inexperienced and thinks women like all this ladslads rubbish. But the battering thing I think is definitely something he's thought and then voiced and I find that more worrying/disrespectful than the attempts at 'banter'.

"I'd give an arm to fucking batter you every morning before work"

That is shockingly vile and scary. Any woman should be very wary of a man who would say such a thing. I wouldn't speak to him again, nevermind see him again. Red flags all over the fucking place.

Yes vulgar is the word.

Dreadful.

Horrible . Not for me I'm afraid .He can't know women well if he thinks that's what we want to hear

I would definitely be put off by this (and have stopped dating men I'd liked in the past due to similar language being used). I think for me it's 50% the language in itself (immature, laddish, crude etc) but the other 50% is that whilst this might be language that some women want their partner to use... You've made it clear that you don't like it and he seems unable to stop and respect that. That would totally put me off being able to be sexual with someone, I'd feel like a conquest or another notch on the bedpost sort of thing.

I've just realised who he reminds me of!! Jay from The Inbetweeners. I wouldn't want to date Jay.

@mummabubs yep he clearly doesn't care how the things he's saying are making me feel. Just keeps pushing it. Tone deaf.

'Battered' 😳😖

This reminds me of when I was single and chatting to a guy online who I had liked for a while. We were going to meet up. One night he asked what I was doing, I said I'd just dyed my hair.He asked to see so I showed him a pic of my newly dyed hair and he said:

"Now you're all glossy on top and glossy down below". 😐

My vagina sealed right up there and then.

Delete and block OP. Delete and block.

When I read that line, it made me think back on one guy I dated. He only ever spoke 'rough' when he had been drinking and I always blamed the alcohol. However, one night when he could barely walk after a music concert, I invited him to sleep on the sofa because the taxi dropped us at mine and I genuinely didn't think he'd manage to walk home. Turns out he did like things rough and it took quite a lot to stop his forceful advances. Eventually he fell asleep but I was amazed at how someone who could barely walk got so strong all of a sudden. Stupidly I put it down to alcohol again and eventually did sleep with him and became quite involved. Long story short, he was abusive and whilst alcohol was usually the thing that made it worse, it didn't always need to be there.

I'd advise to try speaking to him again. Get him to explain why he speaks like that. If you can't have an open and honest conversation then that may show you more. The others could absolutely be right. He may just have a strange way of trying to impress. Either way, it would be good to know for sure. Some people just have a raunchy way of speaking about sex and now days it's seen as more acceptable so may happen earlier in relationships. I realise though that you're under more pressure due to implications that 'that night will be the night'. Good luck :)

It's a 'no' from me. The fact you've made him aware that you're not into that flavour of talk and he's still pushing it would be a massive turn-off for me.

Yuck. I think if your grossed out by him it’ll only get worse in the future. If you sleep with him he’ll think this talk is acceptable.

Reminds me if a man I used to know who used sex line” I want to hose you out”
Good grief 🤮

@PortMac that made me clench my thighs together!

Life's funny isn't it!

the first one would have me telling him to fuck iff, the second is vaguely amusing & id have responded in kind!

@whatshouldIdo2022 I don't think he's the bloke for you!

Grim. But also very clearly - you don't fancy him! I've been there, wait for someone you bloody well want to rip the clothes off, it is worth it. And I'd bet my entire collection of terry prachett novels on the fact lovaboy is shit in bed.

Very well put @mummabubs ! I don't mind the odd crude inuendo but it all seems more vulgar and too often to me. Especially how early on it is in the dating phase and the disregard for OP's voiced dislike thereof.

Sounds like he's been watching too much porn and has learnt from there that women are turned on by this kind of talk. Ugh, I'd feel ill, and definitely not like jumping into bed with him.

Describing sex as ‘battering’ makes my vagina slam shut and put padlocks on. But the ‘towering cock’ quip just made me laugh, and I’m sure he thought you intended that when you sent a cock pic. Sometimes things I’d find sleazy from someone I wasn’t considering sex with, turn me on if I fancy them. Maybe he sees your relationship as already under way, while you’re still undecided. With a 50-50 score so far, I’d give him another chance.

Go with your gut.

@whatshouldIdo2022
sorry OP I was amused by the peacock remark, it was ridiculous but
the ‘battering’ thing is simply unforgivable -makes me shudder actually
apologise that I had not seen that

Don’t waste him. Give him a mop and send him to clean your garden paving.

It's only bantz innit. Can't you take a joke? What are you questioning a man for anyway, don't you know your place?

Seriously, don't sleep with him because it has come this far. Tell him clearly that his comments will only impress teenage boys, so unless that is who he is going for, he might want to change his sales pitch. Then don't respond to anything more.

Even if he's harmless... his language is totally misjudged and inappropriate and that is a red flag.

How can he imagine this kind of talk is anything but a complete turn-off to a woman? And the reference to battering is utterly vile. Christ, easy access to crappy phallocentric porn has got so much to answer for. If this is what he thinks women like, I can only imagine he is utterly crap in bed.

I am absolutely repulsed by everything he’s said. He’d have totally blown it with me. I wouldn’t be able to look at him without shuddering (in a bad way!).

“but my gut is screaming at me that something isn't right. ”

Listen to it. That’s all you need to know.

Don’t meet him tomorrow.

(that battering comment would have put an abrupt end to any conversation or chance of meeting ever again, for me. I actually got a sick feeling of horror in my stomach reading it)

(the peacock comment is a bit funny and more appropriate to the context – you did send him a dick(ybird) pic)

“I've only let it slide beyond me indicating I don't find that acceptable because a) I thought he'd get the hint and b) its so out of character, he isnt remotely laddy or immature in any other way.”

Doesn’t’ matter if you’ve let it slide previously. You have voiced your concerns and he ignored that/continued with the overt filth.

Sounds like he thinks you’re one of the lads or a wank sock, and not prospective girlfriend material.