Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Would you be put off by this?

135 replies

whatshouldIdo2022 · 06/07/2022 18:52

Been seeing a guy for a while, previously dated him then life took us separate ways so he's not a totally unknown quantity. We get on really well, lots of shared views, sense of humour, we just 'get' each other. I wouldn't say I want to rip his clothes off but he's attractive to me because of the connection we have. We've kissed and talked about having sex. Tomorrow I'm meant to be going to his and we've both been making inferences to that being the night, however..he's started saying things the last few days that have frankly turned me right off. Such as "I'd give an arm to fucking batter you every morning before work" I wouldn't say I'm a prude but this made me feel a bit scared? Intimidated? Its overly crude and a bit aggressive to me and that along with some other similar things he's said make me feel like he views sex as something you do 'to' a woman, or at least he likes the thought of that. He's a very intelligent man and doesn't normally talk like this. I said I didn't particularly like what he'd said and he replied that he just speaks figuratively.
Today I sent him a picture of a peacock I'd seen out and about and he said are you gazing in awe at the towering cock before you..this really just gave me the ick. I'm not really into the whole meek damsel in distress cock worshipping trope.
Not sure what I'm looking for here..my sexual boundaries are a bit skewed by being in a sexless relationship for a long time and feeling really undesirable, so I'm not sure if I'm being a bit sensitive or not. Its nice he clearly wants me but my gut is screaming at me that something isn't right. I feel like maybe if I were responding in a similar manner it would be fine but that the fact he keeps on in this vein when I'm not shows a lack of respect for me.

OP posts:
whatshouldIdo2022 · 07/07/2022 09:02

I'm quite proud of myself for actually asserting my boundaries for once! The people pleaser in me was going to just go and try and overlook the comments. This thread has really helped me get to this point so thanks all!

OP posts:
KosherDill · 07/07/2022 09:05

Eww, run.

What a crass and immature attitude toward sex and intimacy. No way could I get turned on by that.

pippinsleftleg · 07/07/2022 09:08

Well done OP, he sounds vile.

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 07/07/2022 09:43

Cocacolacazza · 06/07/2022 18:58

The first one wasn't too bad, but God thar Peacock one was awful! Is he 12?

They were both terrible. I would have walked.

Hollyhocksarenotmessy · 07/07/2022 10:25

Well done OP.

I don't mind a bit of Well-judged innuendo or banter, (I found the peacock joke funny), but the 'fucking batter you' and 'fill you up' made me feel sick. Especially as he knows you don't like it. Especially as you aren't yet having sex. He would have been shit in bed, very obviously, as it's all about his dick's glorious performance.

Good swerve.

JuicyMelonss · 07/07/2022 10:43

I think batter as in "hot baby batter" i.e. semen / cream pie you every morning rather than aggressive sex (wreck / destroy your p...)
Revolting.

billy1966 · 07/07/2022 10:51

Well done OP, you SHOULD be proud of yourself.

Lewd remarks are very distasteful and unfortunately would be a complete turn off for me.

I think it is very important to sit with how someone's behaviour makes you feel and acknowledge it honestly.

It really is the only way to avoid making mistakes in relationships IMO.

You did this.

This will make you a stronger person, making better choices.

Shitscared123 · 07/07/2022 10:56

I think you’ve been brilliant in asserting your boundaries. When you meet someone “nice”, it’s tempting to make excuses for shitty behaviour. His comments are vile.

theviewfrommywindow · 07/07/2022 11:27

@whatshouldIdo2022 Well done OP!

DariaMorgendorffer · 07/07/2022 11:57

Great work op! Flowers you did the right thing.

takeitandleaveit · 07/07/2022 16:41

Well done OP, onwards and upwards.

PinkButtercups · 07/07/2022 17:12

First one is a bit weird but I did giggle at the second one. To me personally it's just light hearted banter and I'm not a very serious person.

But of course other people take things in different ways so if it gave you the ick don't bother with him anymore.

whatshouldIdo2022 · 07/07/2022 17:20

Yeah I get some of it is just bantery but I found it annoying and immature that he was just kind of slipping it into normal conversation to try and turn everything sexual. A bit like he was constantly reminding me that this was going to be a sexual relationship soon. It made me feel like his main aim was to get his leg over which it probably was!

OP posts:
badhappening · 07/07/2022 18:50

Well done. I don't think I could ever see someone in the same light after those vile low down comments.

Sounds like he was also drumming it to you that according to him it WOULD be a sexual relationship. Like you were being held to ransom. That would completely turn me off as well.

WordOfTheDay · 07/07/2022 22:51

"I'd love to be able to fucking batter you every morning before work" makes me think of battering, as in pounding/striking repeatedly, as you do with a battering ram. In other words, giving you a good pounding/seeing to with his dick. Awful to say/hear in the context you describe (no passionate sexual relationship and established trust or no previous mutual build-up to strong talk like that).

Would you be put off by this?
whatshouldIdo2022 · 07/07/2022 23:06

@WordOfTheDay yes that's how he meant it. The more I think about it, its actually quite upsetting and I wish I'd just told him to fuck right off straight away.

OP posts:
Redruby2020 · 07/07/2022 23:33

whatshouldIdo2022 · 06/07/2022 19:35

Just for amusement sake, here's another I forgot. Talking about fuel prices and I said that I needed to fill up and he replied "I need to fill you up" 🤢

My longterm ex used to say things like that, don't go there lol.

GentlemanJay · 07/07/2022 23:44

Cocacolacazza · 06/07/2022 18:58

The first one wasn't too bad, but God thar Peacock one was awful! Is he 12?

The first one isn't too bad? Lol

Musti · 08/07/2022 02:35

Yuck. You did the right thing.

StClare101 · 08/07/2022 03:48

Good for you. There is absolutely nothing sexy about “battering” a woman in bed. I reckon he would have been awful to sleep with - he clearly thinks only of himself. Getting a text like that would have given me the permanent ick. No way could I get past it.

WilsonMilson · 16/11/2022 17:31

Urgh the ‘battering before work’ was the worst by far. That’s just HORRIBLE. There’s nothing sexy about that at all, just aggressive and frankly repulsive. Well done for asserting your boundaries.
I’d also wager good money that he would be absolute rubbish in bed.

Melonapplepear · 16/11/2022 17:37

Good for you. Think we are all in agreement as to how icky this is 😅 they're just clueless when it comes to talking to women a lot of the time.

whatshouldIdo2022 · 16/11/2022 18:38

Well he's messaged me every month or so since asking if I want to meet up/come for dinner etc, not mentioned what I said to him or attempted an explanation so I think that puts him firmly in the boundary pusher/ignorer category in case there was any doubt!

OP posts:
mummabubs · 16/11/2022 22:21

Sadly this is hardly surprising OP. I'd be blocking his number at this point to act as a further communication that you want nothing to do with him as he is clearly incapable of respecting boundaries, as you say!

Melonapplepear · 17/11/2022 08:28

Yes I would also block, he won't get the message and will likely keep popping up.