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Original poster

Would you be put off by this?

135 replies

whatshouldIdo2022 · 06/07/2022 18:52

Been seeing a guy for a while, previously dated him then life took us separate ways so he's not a totally unknown quantity. We get on really well, lots of shared views, sense of humour, we just 'get' each other. I wouldn't say I want to rip his clothes off but he's attractive to me because of the connection we have. We've kissed and talked about having sex. Tomorrow I'm meant to be going to his and we've both been making inferences to that being the night, however..he's started saying things the last few days that have frankly turned me right off. Such as "I'd give an arm to fucking batter you every morning before work" I wouldn't say I'm a prude but this made me feel a bit scared? Intimidated? Its overly crude and a bit aggressive to me and that along with some other similar things he's said make me feel like he views sex as something you do 'to' a woman, or at least he likes the thought of that. He's a very intelligent man and doesn't normally talk like this. I said I didn't particularly like what he'd said and he replied that he just speaks figuratively.
Today I sent him a picture of a peacock I'd seen out and about and he said are you gazing in awe at the towering cock before you..this really just gave me the ick. I'm not really into the whole meek damsel in distress cock worshipping trope.
Not sure what I'm looking for here..my sexual boundaries are a bit skewed by being in a sexless relationship for a long time and feeling really undesirable, so I'm not sure if I'm being a bit sensitive or not. Its nice he clearly wants me but my gut is screaming at me that something isn't right. I feel like maybe if I were responding in a similar manner it would be fine but that the fact he keeps on in this vein when I'm not shows a lack of respect for me.

OP posts:
DrinkFeckArseBrick · 06/07/2022 22:40

I think youve hit the nail on the head. 'Fucking battering' someone doesnt sound like a mutual pleasure thing. No woman ever has said she wants a guy to 'batter' her. You're right that it sounds like he views sex as something he does to someone because it feels nice for him, irrespective of what type of sex the woman wants. At best it sounds very 'lads banter' and like he is very inexperienced with women if he actually thinks someone wants to hear this

Dontsayyouloveme · 06/07/2022 22:42

He’s crossed your boundary.. dump and run!

Carlycat · 06/07/2022 22:44

He sounds repulsive. I wouldn't be surprised if he's shit in bed, or even a virgin

Thepossibility · 06/07/2022 22:53

Fucking gross. It's like he sees you as a piece of meat with holes for his pleasure. So icky and sounds a bit rapey.

billy1966 · 06/07/2022 22:58

So grim.

Listen to your gut and dodge what would undoubtedly be a very disappointing experience.

seaUrchinOne · 06/07/2022 22:59

Ick Ick, that would be a no for me, he's just full of disrespectful' lads banter' it will only get worse. I think your life went separate ways before, for good reason. Stay single until there is a man worth your time.

StarDolphins · 06/07/2022 23:04

Oh goodness me yuk!!! It will get worse & worse, they never stop even when you tell them to & once you’ve been with him a while you’ll absolutely hate it…

everythibg turns into an innuendo- sausage & mash turns into ‘bet you’d like my sausage’ & on & on🙄 gets boring

Ilosthim · 06/07/2022 23:06

Good lord. Even if i DID fancy the pants off him, this sort of cringey sex "banter" is still a total no no. He will be shit in bed, trust me.

Added to the fact you've never even had sex, it's just really odd.

I'd tell him. And then run far far away.

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 06/07/2022 23:10

eeew gross a right turn off and I think I have a good sense of humour but those remarks would make anyone want to run a mile and close their legs. Be care just because you knew him before in the past does not mean he is a good guy. I dated someone I had known years before and he turned out to be the biggest narcissist asshole emotional bully. Take a step back and do not go to his house to stay over. Just say something has come up and you can meet for a coffee and a walk next week and see how you feel then but once you get the ick then no going back. He sounds like a cave man and probably would not even know where your clitoris is.

FictionalCharacter · 06/07/2022 23:11

Batter? He sounds like a porn-soaked incel. It’s like them saying (sexually) that they want to smash or destroy a woman. Revolting and nasty.

1000chairs · 06/07/2022 23:14

Ooh he's a keeper (not)
Dump TB

Original poster
whatshouldIdo2022 · 06/07/2022 23:17

StarDolphins · 06/07/2022 23:04

Oh goodness me yuk!!! It will get worse & worse, they never stop even when you tell them to & once you’ve been with him a while you’ll absolutely hate it…

everythibg turns into an innuendo- sausage & mash turns into ‘bet you’d like my sausage’ & on & on🙄 gets boring

Yep can totally see him doing this, and he's probably the sort to turn into a total sex pest too.

OP posts:
treesandweeds · 06/07/2022 23:19

So what are you going to say and do then?!

ldontWanna · 06/07/2022 23:23

Definitely a turn off. My main worry would be that he's into dirty talk/rough sex and neither of those are on my list so it would be pointless.

Original poster
whatshouldIdo2022 · 06/07/2022 23:24

I think I'm going to say something. Don't think I can just block although he will know why because of the last messages we've sent. I'm going to say, I won't be coming over later. I've been thinking about the things you've said to me over the last few days and I find a lot of it really inappropriate and quite aggressive. I've indicated that I don't like it but you haven't taken any notice of that and I don't think we're compatible, sexually or otherwise. Then block, because I know he'll be profusely apologetic to get his own way

OP posts:
pictish · 06/07/2022 23:58

Be more concise. No chinks for him to prise open.

I won't be coming over later. The things you've said to me over the last few days have been inappropriate and aggressive.

I didn't receive them well yet you continued to the point I no longer feel comfortable with you.

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 07/07/2022 00:02

Agree with the person who said he is probably watching too much porn most of which is made by men so probably thinks this is what women want to hear, dump and run. You deserve better than that filthy mouthed cave man.

SarahDippity · 07/07/2022 00:06

I also would message him, op. I’d feel a need to have the final word and tell him that language is unacceptable and vile.

MoederBok123 · 07/07/2022 07:53

whatshouldIdo2022 · 06/07/2022 23:24

I think I'm going to say something. Don't think I can just block although he will know why because of the last messages we've sent. I'm going to say, I won't be coming over later. I've been thinking about the things you've said to me over the last few days and I find a lot of it really inappropriate and quite aggressive. I've indicated that I don't like it but you haven't taken any notice of that and I don't think we're compatible, sexually or otherwise. Then block, because I know he'll be profusely apologetic to get his own way

I think your message is clear and leaves no room for confusion.

Dancinginthedark01 · 07/07/2022 08:21

I would message him too. I had someone who sent me very sexual messages (not aggressive) before we met but in person he was really nice. It put me off though so I told him and he apologised and said he had misread the signals. I looked back at the messages and there was not a single thing he could have misread. He must have thought women liked it but I can’t imagine they would before they were even in a relationship.

CandidClarisse · 07/07/2022 08:25

I agree with those that say it's a test and he's checking how vulgar he can be with you. It sounds like you aren't that into him, id just tell him that you've changed your mind about seeing him but you wish him well.

I honestly think if you follow through the sleep with him it won't work out anyway

dudsville · 07/07/2022 08:35

Just rtft for the first time. I grimaced at your first post and then continued grimacing as i made my way through the thread. I'm also inclined to give the benefit of the doubt and think he's naively putting it on. When my OH and i got together he did some things i didn't like, but they were v v v tame vanilla things and i was quite certain he was doing it because he thought he should, and he responded well and it ended immediately. However even giving the benefit of the doubt to his possible naivety, what he said is so wrong, it's not sexy to talk of battering someone, and the fact that he thinks it is now shows how much he's been influenced by porn and just how incredibly far he has yet to develop in order to be a good partner - and i would not be invested enough at this stage to walk him through that.

Original poster
whatshouldIdo2022 · 07/07/2022 08:56

Right I've sent it. He's replied with 'ok' so hopefully that's it! Thinking back there have been other times where he's made crass comments or jokes and I've slapped him down but he's carried on anyway, so I don't think I can give him the benefit of the doubt anymore. My ex was quite boastful about his sexual past and that was bravado at the start of a relationship but this is different, and he's obviously incapable of recognising discomfort in others and adjusting his behaviour accordingly.

OP posts:
dudsville · 07/07/2022 08:58

Well done OP, its lucky you caught this early on, onwards and upwards.

dudsville · 07/07/2022 09:00

And i can see my post might have confused. When I wrote any the benefit of the doubt i didn't mean AND stay in the relationship.