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Relationships

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Original poster

Fast moving relationship

125 replies

NewLove101 · 03/07/2022 23:00

At the beginning of the year I went on a dating website for the first time in my life. I've recently separated from my husband of 15 years (mutual separation as relationship run it's course and both agreed to move on).

I very quickly got chatting with a guy online and we went on a first date within 2 weeks of first messaging each other. Things went well, second date planned instantly and we've now been dating for five months.

We message each other every day, spend every weekend together (with my children too who he gets on great with). We connected so quickly and easily I've wondered if he is 'the one'. If everything that has happened in my life was leading up to meeting this amazing guy who thinks the world of me. We have already said "I love you" and he's given me a key to his house.

I've met his parents and friends and I love every minute I spend with him. I am still married to my ex, with the divorce to sort. I've been honest about everything and he's been very understanding.

Anyway, he's been talking a lot about future holidays, milestone birthdays in a few years and even things to do with the children when they're older. I sometimes forget I've only known this guy from this year, rather than my whole life.

OK, to the point finally...is it too soon to think about marriage with this guy?

He's never been married. Recently he was best man at his friends wedding and he's told me he'd like to get married one day. He even said what honeymoon and cake he'd have! He's asked if I would ever remarry (yes I would, I don't regret getting married it was mostly good).

I joked about making a 'relationship agreement' recently like Sheldon in Big Bang Theory and he said the only contract he'd sign would mean putting a ring on his finger. This last week an acquaintance of his I met for the first time asked if we we're getting married. I smiled and said 'no'. My boyfriend looked at me (as if to gauge my reaction) then confirmed 'no' but it was said calmly, not defiant or surprised. My 5 year old son also asked this week if we're getting married. I have not mentioned anything of this nature to my son. I think in his innocence he thinks grown ups just get married when together. When I told my boyfriend this, his response was "what did you say?". I replied "the truth, I said no we're girlfriend/boyfriend" and left it at that. Then today watching TV, I read a sign from the crowd aloud saying "Marry me xzy (celeb name)' and he spun round so fast, I wonder if he thought I was proposing! I can't stop thinking about marrying this man.

Is it crazy to think of marriage again so soon? Has anyone else done this?

OP posts:

Springdaisy · 03/07/2022 23:03

I would get the divorce sorted first before even thinking of marriage.

Tiredandfedup22 · 03/07/2022 23:05

You are still married to the father of your children. What on earth are you thinking about this for?

Why have you introduced him to your kids? Have they not had enough to deal with?

fabicelolly · 03/07/2022 23:10

I don’t understand how a relationship can work with someone where you wouldn’t talk openly together about your desires and a decision as big as marriage. To me it feels like a big component of emotional intimacy is missing in the way you describe your communication with him, but maybe that’s not important to you - only you can decide what you want and need and if he stacks up.

bloodyunicorns · 03/07/2022 23:12

This is moving way too fast!! You're still married. Get that sorted first.

And why on earth are you introducing him to your dc so soon?! They will be well confused.

Sort this relationship first.

Fireflygal · 03/07/2022 23:13

Yes, absolutely crazy idea. It takes at least 2 years to know someone and 5 months is s honeymoon stage.

What will happen financially when you divorce? Does your bf have a house? When you have children you need to be extremely hard headed as they rely on you for stability.

I thought my ex h was the man I had been waiting for, turned out to be a nightmare. It was all fake (on his side) and love bombing.
How old are your children?

Catlover1970 · 03/07/2022 23:14

What is the mad rush???????

JanglyBeads · 03/07/2022 23:16

I'd Google love bombing, OP. Slow down, way down.

SteveHarringtonsChestHair · 03/07/2022 23:16

Why are you both saying no, when you clearly would both like to? Why not answer “well of course not yet, but I wouldn’t rule it out down the line” or something?

Obviously it’s early days so just enjoy it for what it is now. You’re probably still rebounding from your long marriage. There’s no such thing as “the one”, there are billions of people in this world and you could be happy with thousands of them. If this works out then great, but what’s the rush to label it when you’re still married to your ex?

Puglover287 · 03/07/2022 23:18

This is very rushed. Why have you introduced him to your DC so soon???? Sounds like they’ve been through a lot already with their parents separating.

TomAllenWife · 03/07/2022 23:32

I was thinking lovebomber

Waaay too soon to be meeting your dc and staying over etc

You're still married

Jesus if I married every guy I thought was amazing at 5 months in I'd have been wed about 20 times when in reality I needed to be running for the hills

Aquamarine1029 · 03/07/2022 23:35

I can't believe you've already introduced your kids to this man. 🤦

Pinkbonbon · 03/07/2022 23:45

Another vote for love bombing.

Maybe not though. But never marry someone you haven't at least known for a a few years.5 months is the honeymoon stage. While they are on their best behaviour. You haven't had time to see how they handle arguments, life changing events, general stress and long term relationships yet.

So yes, it is mad to be thinking about weddings.
Why do you have to marry him anyway? Isn't it good the way it is? I wouldn't bother unless you want more children or something. More trouble than it's worth.

AnneLovesGilbert · 03/07/2022 23:50

If it’s meant to be and he’s everything you think he is then what’s the rush?

How long ago did you introduce him to your children?

Mysteriousnotice · 04/07/2022 00:19

Sounds like rebound to me. Far too soon to intro dc.

fedup078 · 04/07/2022 06:39

I'd take this very carefully
The ex before my stbxh was like this and I fell for him hard. After about 15 months he totally pulled the rug and ghosted me after having telling me he wanted to marry me the week before

Interesting that people think this is too short a time to introduce kids as my stbxh has been seeing someone the same amount of time and I've been livid he's involved ds so soon but wasn't sure if I was BU

Treezylover · 04/07/2022 07:50

I think people have very rigid rules around meeting the kids which not everyone subscribes to. I’m happy for my kids to meet people I’m dating- if they’re going to be a possible part of their lives I value seeing how they interact, and my kids opinions - they have good judgement! Depends on ages but don’t get why everyone is jumping on you for it, but you don’t need to feel guilty about it.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 04/07/2022 07:53

You have children. Slow your roll. Your fanny is doing most of the talking at the moment and your brain needs to catch up. Don't consider moving in together til 18 months minimum, 2 years is better. Marriage should come after that.

wellhelloitsme · 04/07/2022 08:00

Treezylover · 04/07/2022 07:50

We message each other every day, spend every weekend together (with my children too who he gets on great with).

You don't think this is way too much, way too soon?!

Eatthecake80 · 04/07/2022 08:03

When you know,you know.

BackToTheTop · 04/07/2022 08:07

Sometimes things like this happen and it all works out fine and dandy, but more often than not it's a recipe for disaster.

Get your divorce sorted and then give it another 18 months. If he loves you he'll wait. Plus it also gives you time to settle and 18 more moths out of a lifetime is no time at all

wellhelloitsme · 04/07/2022 08:08

Eatthecake80 · 04/07/2022 08:03

When you know,you know.

Except lots of people 'know' then it doesn't work out.,,

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 04/07/2022 08:12

Eatthecake80 · 04/07/2022 08:03

When you know,you know.

Except when you think you know and you're wrong 🙄

Lampan · 04/07/2022 08:15

Lovebombing.

And even if it isn’t, what’s the rush to get married? Take a couple of years of dating and getting to know each other, no harm in that. Is there even any need to get married at all? Who has the most assets?

Feelingsillyandgiddy · 04/07/2022 08:15

It does sound pretty fast to be talking about marriage. I’m 6 months into a new relationship with a wonderful man! We don’t even have sleepovers yet and the thought of talking about marriage so soon is terrifying!

Itwasntmeright · 04/07/2022 08:30

You’re still married for a kick off.

do you have your own home? Does he have his own home? Do you stand to get much out of the divorce settlement?

does he have a steady job? Does he contribute equally when you’re together?

you’ve only known him five months, five. Months. sounds like you have young DC. You don’t know anything about him yet, literally nothing. he might be perfect or he might be a violent abusive wanker, you have absolutely no idea at this point. you’re the mother of small children, you’re responsible for keeping them safe and secure, pull your head out of your fanny and start being sensible. What’s the bloody rush FFS?

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