Female Dating Strategy?

[deskdreams]

Has anyone looked at this website / forum / podcast? Its sort of like a female answer to red pill, pick up artist, misogyny. Its certainly seen as quite a toxic online space and the langauge about men is quite grim but at the same time after having a read and listen to what they say I think their is pertient information. I've been unlucky enough to encounter pua and players who pretty ruthlessly target women in dating apps looking for easy sex and they will say and so pretty much anything to get it and will clearly even target women they don't even like much if they think she is likely to put out or they have techniques about how to isolate women and break her so that the women will be submissive to them.

I think its potentially useful to have a guide for inexperienced women (like myself) that helps alert them to this sort of thing although I also did find the misandry and the way they evaluate men to be quite harsh. I did think it was a useful perspective though even if I wouldn't want to take it all on board.

Anyone else looked into it?

I think a read of this board every day shows how much women do need to raise our collective standards.

I’ve looked at it and I think a lot of MN members who give advice on the relationships board give similar advice.

To me, the core principles are that we should all figure out what we want out of life and find a relationship that works with that. Also that people don’t change, pay close attention to how they act not what they say and don’t waste time - if it’s not working just move on. I also like the way they support women and their achievements generally and encourage women to be happy being single and to focus on their own goals rather than just finding a man and supporting him

Said the scrotes and pick me’s who can’t stand for a second that others won’t settle for …well….whatever they’re about lol

Lets see how you talk about actual male groups who put down women as a sex AND actively seek and teach ways to degrade them.

FDS is all ‘ hey I’ve my standards and won’t settle…. Guess I’ll just not waste my time with low value men”

Some of FDS is useful. The stuff about raising your standards and knowing your worth/what you'll accept. Focusing on building your own life rather than hitching onto a man and losing yourself.

But they have a lot of toxic ideas and the subreddit was practically on fire. If anyone said anything other than the party line, however sensible, they'd be labelled as a 'pickme' (literally labelled, next to their username) and then banned.

As an example, I got banned because I said that an engagement ring didn't need to cost thousands to be meaningful, and an engagement doesn't have to cost the earth as long as it's thoughtful and meaningful to the couple. I gave the example of my husband and I, engagement ring cost £120 (made him promise not to spend any more than that as I don't care about jewellery, didn't feel comfortable wearing anything expensive and we were saving for a home and a baby). And our engagement was in the coffee shop where we had our first date, with a surprise party upstairs of all our loved ones, after a day out for our anniversary.

That makes you a pickme. You have to expect an engagement ring worth an arbitrary amount as money is a sign of emotional investment.

I mostly browsed for a while from a fascinated vantage point as it was such a bizarre echo chamber and unlike anything I'd seen before, but they tore down other women voraciously and silenced any debate. I think it's quite an easy thing for someone to latch onto who's feeling a bit insecure, lots of 'sis' talk and being made to feel a part of the 'in group'.

Some useful stuff, but a heck of a lot more really backward and archaic thinking.

I mostly browsed for a while from a fascinated vantage point as it was such a bizarre echo chamber and unlike anything I'd seen before, but they tore down other women voraciously and silenced any debate.

This was my experience with that subreddit too. There were some useful bits, but I was also turned off by the relentless focus on how much a man earns and what can he give you financially and in terms of posh dates and extravagant gifts.

They used an awful lot of silencing tactics.

If someone shared an alternative point of view it was because:

They're trolls
They're miserably bitter and single (regardless of what the poster says their relationship status is)
They're too stupid to get it
They're too entrenched in pickme culture

And the list goes on. Their views were never defended because they couldn't be, so they simply created one massive echo chamber. So interesting from a psychological and sociological standpoint. I was sad to see the subreddit go tbh!

I actually really liked tbe Reddit threads because they gave me a perspective I never realised
I found it empowering but it’s actually very negative so I don’t read it regularly

Are you sure you didn’t bring up how a ring didn’t need to be such and such in response to another woman’s standards saying so? Cuz I’m going to be honest…. You did not get labeled a pick me by having the ring you wanted, you only got that by trying to level down another’s woman’s standards.

be honest.

No it’s about being happy being single and not taking less than ones standards just to have some LVM around.

You missed a big thing. It’s better to be single. That’s what has everyone so upset.

standards are kept and the lowering of such isn’t tolerated. That upsets pick nes and LVM. It’s so weird and creepy because it’s really about what you personally will tolerate of expect. It’s about your expectations not being managed down.

creepy that it rubs people the wrong way. Nobody says to devalue or berate, or to play games. It’s cut and dry.

You sound just like what you you are. Wishing you the strength, intelligent, insight, and ability to level up. I hope you can!

Pretty sure one of the main women running that sub was a sugar baby. There was/is a discord server for fds. I came off it but plenty of the women on there are literal gold diggers. As in, its their income. So there's a strain of that running through certain offshoots of the conversation.

But yes also as pp said, if that's in reply to someone wanting a big ring that'll get you booted.

PS you got a whole bevy of pick meds and low value men to play with.

The HV folks just have standards that they adhere to. Nothing personal

I actually found their comments about porn to be incredibly enlightening
I guess I never actually realised just how damaging new feminism is to women
mill be forever grateful to the forum for that eye opener

a rule is to not manage down others standards. It’s fine if you’re cool with a diamond flint. But don’t tell others they shouldn’t have different standards that are above yours. Just because you’re happy with humble efforts doesn’t mean others should be. Stop trying to lower the bar for your own comfort,

And ……the totally unsubstantiated comment about a mod..lol

sex workers now can’t have standards? You lot are so behind. PLUS provide proof?! That is a hell of a comment. Proof or GTFO.

im waiting.

tell me how she is a sugar baby.

tell me then why she isn’t allowed her standards.

also tell me how sex workers in your view aren’t allowed opinions…

waiting!

………………..

prove it.

It was very very American, materialistic and shallow for the most part. Not all but mostly, sad to hear it went from reddit, was always good to waste an hour.

You get it.

i think a lot of sad faces on here are mad because they didn’t understand the community.

many women are OK with Lib male centric faux feminism, but on FFS don’t try to tell other women to accept what they don’t want to.

FDS is anti “cool girl” and anti “not like the other girls”

these chicks are mad because they accepted a shit ring and those who won’t told them to kick rocks. Lol

Case in point, please mumsnet never shut down

It's a lot like the redpill in which a few prominent posters give genuinely decent advice about how attraction and general self-respect but, as a topic, it attracts people who have had issues with the opposite sex so it becomes an echo-chamber of negativity.

5-10 years ago, I would have sworn blind that this sort of ideology would get absolutely no traction with women, but it does just seem to be picking up steam.

I'm sure there are some interesting sociological studies to be had here. Personally, I find it all pretty fascinating.

Yeah, very American I agree!

Don’t accept bullshit, accept what is good for you and your comfort level. Accept and keep to your own standards.

Nothing is said about hurting or manipulating anyone. Just knowing your own worth, believing in yourself and accepting only the things that measure up. It’s so CREEPY how women with standards vex your sort.

where are you from? The eat dirt and like it because something is in your mouth country?!! at least your mouth isn’t along state?!! What a clown country!

Manage down your own expectations but stay mad that we argue women shouldn’t. Some women want even more in some aspects than I do, but I’m intelligent and understand that they need to keep to their own standards.

is that American really? Standards and self confidence? Not settling and being OK with being single? Is that Stars and Stripes ?

Alleged someone was a sugar baby….

prove it?

or can I spread rumors about you?

I wasn't commenting on the supposed sugar baby, I commenting on you.

Commenting on my comment about the sugar baby accusations…..

but I guess unproven accusations don’t bother you? Just those who stand against them?

case and point indeed! 🙄

where are you from? The eat dirt and like it because something is in your mouth country?!! at least your mouth isn’t along state?!! What a clown country!

U ok hun

This isn't anything to do with feminism.

You made a massive assumption that I took moral issue with a woman profiting from working as a sugar baby or being a gold digger. I dont. It was something I remembered reading about a mod probably on discord. I've no proof whatsoever and its largely irrelevant to my point. Which is that there are colliding interests on there, some of which are more interested in the profit aspect. They will never go halves on dinner. They will never accept less than the best diamond ring. They want the big earner and everything that goes with it. And yes, its a rule of fds that you never try to talk another woman out of her standards

@Clymene why is it not? Its not Liberal feminism certainly. But it is stridently pro female.