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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Does this mean he is chatting to someone else

68 replies

Owl1997 · 30/06/2022 14:34

I am driving myself crazy with this. The man I am seeing keeps showing as online on WhatsApp. I’m paranoid that he is speaking to somebody else. We have been seeing each other for 5 months and as far as I know exclusively. or so he has said.

OP posts:

QueSyrahSyrah · 30/06/2022 21:22

@FireandBrimstone

Settings > Account > Privacy > Switch 'Last Seen' to 'Nobody'.

It hides your online / last online status from everyone, and theirs from you.

FireandBrimstone · 30/06/2022 22:02

@QueSyrahSyrah thank you. I actually thought that only stopped people from seeing the last seen time, not whether I was online.

Hurstlandshome · 30/06/2022 22:09

My brothers and male friends are in loads of group chats, many more than me or my girl friends. Could he be the same?
You have to stop fixating on his activity, it's so unhealthy.

TokyoTen · 30/06/2022 22:21

I use WhatsApp on my PC- it shows me as online when I am not using it but its open in a browser tab.

PetersRabbitt · 30/06/2022 22:27

Go with your gut.

TokenGinger · 30/06/2022 23:01

I think I permanently show online when at work, because my laptop is linked to my WhatsApp and I just never close the web page down. It's so much quicker and easier to type a response using my keyboard than it is to pick up my phone and type away.

I have started to warn people though, because I think they think I'm ignoring them because it looks like I'm online when they've messaged, when in fact I could have my browser minimised for a few hours whilst in a meeting.

Dery · 30/06/2022 23:04

“We are not official but he told me to trust him that he is not seeing any body else”

I think you should stop cyber-stalking him but why aren’t you official after 5 months? That seems like a long time to be seeing each other without making it official. Who’s holding back on that? Is it him by any chance? Would you like to be official? If you want to be official and he is resisting it, then it’s understandable that you feel insecure. On that basis, he may not be the guy for you.

madasawethen · 30/06/2022 23:53

Exclusive but not official? I don't even know what that means?

Eeejjj · 30/06/2022 23:55

deffo speaking to someone else, but not necessarily like that, parents/siblings/friends/colleagues etc.

CthulhuInDisguise · 01/07/2022 00:19

As others have said, probably chatting to friends/family/colleagues. I don't use WhatsApp to message my boyfriend, I have found that Signal is better for my mental health because I can't tell if he's online or not so it stops me stressing. The last man I dated would be online a lot when I was without texting me and although I didn't think he was chatting to another woman, I was anxious if I saw him online and not messaging me, in case he was ignoring me (he often left messages unread for ages even though he was online). Not having that feature is much better for me. Might be worth thinking about in the short term if he isn't giving you any other cause for concern?

ladydimitrescu · 01/07/2022 00:34

He could be speaking to a friend, colleague, family member - you're sounding intense and over the top op. Stop checking up on him.

GinGym · 01/07/2022 00:37

ElspethBoomingHowsen · 30/06/2022 14:47

Op! Stop stalking the poor guy!

This!!! He could be messaging anyone on his contact list ffs! Maybe he is telling them all how great you are!

WinoLino · 01/07/2022 06:15

Did you start the other thread about whether he was being rude or not? This must be horrible for you OP and I think you need to address your anxiety 😊

Teeturtle · 01/07/2022 06:56

Owl1997 · 30/06/2022 18:20

Thanks all. I just feel confused because I sent him a message and he has not read it but he was been showing online for a while now.

my guess is he is on the Audio call to somebody.

If you were a man watching and monitoring a woman as closely as this, you would probably be considered dangerous.

layladomino · 01/07/2022 08:05

There must be more to this, surely?

Why do you jump to the conclusion that he's seeing someone else just because he's online? You don't trust him - why is that? Is it because of something he's done, or is it because of your own insecurities?

If it's the former, then focus on the specifics he's done rather than speculating about him being online. If it's the latter then you need to work through that yourself or you will sabotage this and any other future relationships.

If all he's done is to be online and not talking to you - then why do you assume he's cheating rather than talking to workmates / friends / family?

You are stalking him which is not on. He has a right to friends and a life away from you. It would be controlling to expect to know who he's talking to at all times.

IodineQueen · 01/07/2022 08:39

QueSyrahSyrah · 30/06/2022 21:22

@FireandBrimstone

Settings > Account > Privacy > Switch 'Last Seen' to 'Nobody'.

It hides your online / last online status from everyone, and theirs from you.

This won’t hide your online status. It will only hide last seen. There isn’t currently a way to hide your (or anyone else’s) online status.

FireandBrimstone · 01/07/2022 08:42

Thanks @IodineQueen, that's what I thought.

RubyandPearl · 01/07/2022 08:44

OP are you my ex partner? He accused me of cheating for exactly the same reason. Note the ex partner bit. Please stop this isn't good for anyone. Look after yourself x

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