Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Does this mean he is chatting to someone else

68 replies

Owl1997 · 30/06/2022 14:34

I am driving myself crazy with this. The man I am seeing keeps showing as online on WhatsApp. I’m paranoid that he is speaking to somebody else. We have been seeing each other for 5 months and as far as I know exclusively. or so he has said.

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 30/06/2022 15:56

What What you mean 'as far as I know, exclusive'

You mean you've been dating him for 5 months and not only is he not your bf, you haven't even had an exclusivity chat?

Of course he's seeing other people ffs.

Not to say that's why he is on WhatsApp WhatsApp course. Presumably he uses it to talk to everyone he knows.

But come on op, if you're 5 months in and he hasn't even brought up a relationship, he obviously doesn't want one.

Pinkbonbon · 30/06/2022 15:58

*what do u mean

*WhatsApp of course

NippyWoowoo · 30/06/2022 15:59

Owl1997 · 30/06/2022 14:44

He is messaging me on there today too. He’s at work currently. I just wonder who else

I'd like to think that somewhere, in a parallel forum, a man is posting desperately on a asking for reassurance that the woman he's seeing isn't chatting to other men on WhatsApp because he keeps seeing her online...

Watchkeys · 30/06/2022 16:00

What makes you doubt his exclusivity claims, OP?

Pinkbonbon · 30/06/2022 16:03

Ah wait my name he has mentioned exclusivity. Still though, 5 months and not a relationship...not a good sign.

I think you know he is seeing other people. Instinctually.

But best case scenario, he isn't making you feel secure. So this probably won't work long term.

Kitten2 · 30/06/2022 16:10

Could be his mum , friends , family. I'm always on and off my watsapp

momneedscoffee · 30/06/2022 16:21

If you have a gut instinct go with it. You're intuition doesn't lie x

blacksax · 30/06/2022 16:30

Of course he is chatting to other people on there, but why would you assume another woman? He's not going to stop talking to friends, family and work colleagues just because he's seeing you.

vodkaredbullgirl · 30/06/2022 16:35

Do you expect him not to talk to anyone?

Original poster
Owl1997 · 30/06/2022 18:20

Thanks all. I just feel confused because I sent him a message and he has not read it but he was been showing online for a while now.

my guess is he is on the Audio call to somebody.

OP posts:
Original poster
Owl1997 · 30/06/2022 18:21

I wouldn’t expect him to stop speaking to others but my concern it’s a woman and he’s playing me. We are not official but he told me to trust him that he is not seeing any body else

OP posts:
Lalosalamanca · 30/06/2022 18:22

You are tapped; mate.

wellhelloitsme · 30/06/2022 18:24

Owl1997 · 30/06/2022 18:21

I wouldn’t expect him to stop speaking to others but my concern it’s a woman and he’s playing me. We are not official but he told me to trust him that he is not seeing any body else

What does this mean, in real terms?

So you're sleeping together exclusively, but are not 'official'? What does official mean then?

I think it's worth being clear about where you think you stand so you can check you're on the same page as you're clearly feeling anxious and it might make you feel better to just have a transparent conversation with him instead of second guessing stuff.

Brandnewwoman · 30/06/2022 18:32

I use what's app for work purposes so can be video calling customers to look at parts they are trying to identify .
I also use it to arrange meetings and send drawings /prices /exchange info with colleagues and suppliers ,so am on and off it all times of the day and night messaging lots of men but purely in a professional capacity !

ExtraOnion · 30/06/2022 18:34

I don’t think you are ready to be in a relationship.

amummyy · 30/06/2022 18:41

Owl1997 · 30/06/2022 18:21

I wouldn’t expect him to stop speaking to others but my concern it’s a woman and he’s playing me. We are not official but he told me to trust him that he is not seeing any body else

If you are not official why are you stressed? He isn't in a relationship with you after 5 months... it's WhatsApp, he could be speaking to anyone

vodkaredbullgirl · 30/06/2022 18:51

You sound like a stalker.

inmyslippers · 30/06/2022 19:02

e are not official but he told me to trust him that he is not seeing any body else

^^5months in you should have established exclusivity. Did you meet online? If he doesn't want to put a label on it, definitely seeing other people

QueSyrahSyrah · 30/06/2022 19:07

Op, for your own sanity please go into your WhatsApp settings and change it to hide when your online, which will also mean you can't see anyone else's status. It's very freeing.

SallyWD · 30/06/2022 19:27

A lot of people (including me) have WhatsApp on their laptops so while they're working it always shows as online - even if they're not actually looking at WhatsApp. You need to relax! It's not healthy to monitor him so closely.

Naenaespet · 30/06/2022 19:30

I am married. I am on WhatsApp for hours a day. Moaning to friends and work colleagues. Not having an affair.

totallyoutnumbered · 30/06/2022 19:30

Owl1997 · 30/06/2022 14:44

He is messaging me on there today too. He’s at work currently. I just wonder who else

Umm. Surely that's none of your business. I'm constantly on WhatsApp as is my DP. We work on there, text kids, loads of groups. Family and eachother. I would literally not bat an eyelid to see him online at the same time as me. Is this all that is actually concerning you because if so I wouldn't breathe a word. Unless you want to freak him out that is

thecatsarecrazy · 30/06/2022 21:13

Op the guy I talk to is always online but he uses it for work. Don't keep looking it will drive u loopy. I worry when he says goodnight then goes offline online I convince myself he's saying goodnight to someone else.

wellhelloitsme · 30/06/2022 21:15

thecatsarecrazy · 30/06/2022 21:13

Op the guy I talk to is always online but he uses it for work. Don't keep looking it will drive u loopy. I worry when he says goodnight then goes offline online I convince myself he's saying goodnight to someone else.

But if you can see that he's going offline and online then you're going offline and online too?!

FireandBrimstone · 30/06/2022 21:17

QueSyrahSyrah · 30/06/2022 19:07

Op, for your own sanity please go into your WhatsApp settings and change it to hide when your online, which will also mean you can't see anyone else's status. It's very freeing.

Where exactly is the setting to hide when online?