Partner gets annoyed I get up in the night to go to the bathroom.

[misswrite]

Hi, I feel I'm going to sound crazy here, as I think of course it's ok to go to the bathroom when you need to, yet my partner gets annoyed at me and brings it up a couple of times a week when he wakes up in the morning. I don't go every night, it's usually about an hour before we are meant to get up for work, I try to hold it a lot of times for fear of him taking issue as it can turn into an argument as I say it should be ok and he says I have woken him up and he's sick of me waking him up to go to the bathroom. It's usually only once a night. I am in my 40s, I just can't hold it as I use to do 10 years ago. I am quiet too, and don't flush to avoid more noise. Then I hope he's not going to get annoyed at me. He does go to toilet at times too, and I wake up, yet I don't feel irritated, I just don't understand why I irritate him to a point he has to make it known to me.

God he’d hate sleeping next to me then… I get up about 3 times every night (kidney issues). If it bothers him that much he should sleep elsewhere. You can’t help it.

He's a typical dick. Tell him to sleep somewhere else if it bothers him that much.

Seriously though have you spoke to him about how intolerant he's being.

This is horrible of course you can’t help going to the bathroom in the night. Doesn’t sound like you do anything to intentionally disturb him. Is this the only thing he is unreasonable about?

I mean what would he prefer- that you wet the bed? He sounds ridiculous.

@HappyHappyHermit i just came
on to say exactly what you said!

OP - please ask him what his proposed alternative is. He is being so horrible to you.

He sounds really unpleasant. Of course you can't help getting up to use the bathroom and you shouldn't be lying there worrying about it!

I'd tell him in no uncertain terms to fuck off to the spare room... or go there myself and have a peaceful, worry-free night.

He’s being a dick. Don’t lie there being uncomfortable because he’s got some ridiculous bee in his bonnet. You need to be assertive. Do what you need to do and ignore his tantrums. Just say “it’s perfectly normal, you know” in a calm tone of voice if he’s going on about it.

What a horrible man. I’m in my 20s and I get up every night to use the bathroom, I cannot help it.
It would seriously put me off him because that’s just mean!

I’d threaten to pee the bed. Silly man. he should remember that men need to go more as they get older…

Zigzagzen ...I try to talk to him, it's like he turns it around that I am the one trying to start an argument, my head just starts to spin, I have to walk away most times as he baffles me!

What an arsehole. How long have you been together?

If he's like this about your bodily functions I'm guessing he's controlling in other ways.

I'll offer you the first LTB.

He’s a prick. Tell him every time he gets up to go to the toilet too. Is he usually a horrible person in general?

Disturbed sleep is awful particularly if you find it difficult to get back to sleep having been woken up.

Do you have a spare bedroom? If so, tell him to sleep there (or you sleep there).
Who owns the house? If its your house tell him he can move out if he isn't happy.

He’s being a knob. I also have to use the loo during the night which never used to happen when I was younger. But hormonal changes and kids wreak havoc with your bladder. There’s nothing you can do, it’s not like you are snoring and disturbing his sleep and refusing to try and solve the situation. As long as you are being as quiet as possible, and it sounds like you are then that’s all you can do.

Absolutely do not hold your pee in. If you need to pee, pee!
You will damage your kidneys.

That happened with me, my ex husband would moan every time. I now live on my own, have anxiety issues about having a wee at night and usually go 3 or 4 times after I get to bed before I even go to sleep.

Ok. This is not a good relationship. Have you got anyone you can talk to about this in real life?

What a dickwad this man is. How dare he dictate your bathroom habits, OP.

What would happen if he developed nighttime toilet usage? Would he be apologetic knowing how ‘annoying’ it is? No, probably not. Typical man, thinking the world revolves around him and his whims. So glad I don’t have one and they certainly wouldn’t be welcome in my bed. My dog is the only one welcome there!

I’d dump him. Life’s too short to lie in bed dying for a wee or get shouted at for going to the toilet. What’s he going to be like when you’re menopausal and going 3 times a night?

Wetting the bed is probably a little bit too far to go to prove a point.

I'm sorry he's being so unreasonable.

However as a spouse of a big snorer I can attest to how unreasonable no sleep can make you.

Can you be any quieter when you go? Bit gentler getting in and out of bed? You might already have hit the level of minimum disruption but it's worth considering before someone gets dumped in the spare room.

How are the two of you the rest of the time?

He sounds horribly controlling, this kind of thing really worries me and makes me wonder how this will end, what else will he try and control.
There is no way I would hold it in for anyone. If you need to go you need to go.
Id consider leaving, this is bang out of order.

“I try to talk to him, it's like he turns it around that I am the one trying to start an argument, my head just starts to spin, I have to walk away most times as he baffles me!”

As a PP said, it sounds like he bullies you. Is this the only thing he bullies you about? I suspect not. His response is not normal, btw.

That's normal for me (and has been for decades); on the nights when I just cannot fall asleep, it can be up to 15 times!

The OP should sleep in a different room.

Tell him how lucky he is that he doesn’t need to go to wee overnight, some men can, but unfortunately women cannot hold it that long and need to pee. Can he wear ear plugs if it bothers him. You should tell him you want to keep your kidneys healthy by going regularly. I take it you don’t have children together. We have a dog that sometimes needs to go out to wee 4/5 am, totally normal.

You can have a relationship without living together, then you can do what you want.