Partner gets annoyed I get up in the night to go to the bathroom.

[misswrite]

Hi, I feel I'm going to sound crazy here, as I think of course it's ok to go to the bathroom when you need to, yet my partner gets annoyed at me and brings it up a couple of times a week when he wakes up in the morning. I don't go every night, it's usually about an hour before we are meant to get up for work, I try to hold it a lot of times for fear of him taking issue as it can turn into an argument as I say it should be ok and he says I have woken him up and he's sick of me waking him up to go to the bathroom. It's usually only once a night. I am in my 40s, I just can't hold it as I use to do 10 years ago. I am quiet too, and don't flush to avoid more noise. Then I hope he's not going to get annoyed at me. He does go to toilet at times too, and I wake up, yet I don't feel irritated, I just don't understand why I irritate him to a point he has to make it known to me.

What a nasty piece of work he sounds. Tell him to get lost and ignore him.

Ps why on earth are you trying to appease him????

Another with kidney issues here and I go at least 2-3 times a night with an early morning visit every morning without fail!

It sounds truly bizarre and if it were my partner I would be very upset with him to even raise an issue with this.

"Tell him hes a nasty piece of work and he can fuck off of he thinks he's got any kind of say in your bodily functions."

Also, when you stop snoring I'll wear a nappy. Tosser.

He is a real selfish pig isn't he, a real gaslighter. What do you get out of the relationship? Everything is about him isn't it? He sounds quite abusive and gaslighting, if you are not married and have no kids tying you together I'd leave.

At the very least I'd tell him you want him to sleep in the other room because his snoring keeps you awake and the you have to go to the toilet. Put it all back on him.

This used to annoy my XH.

I've had 3 babies and can't help it

He suggested I had CBT as it was just a habit and not a need.

What I found far worse was him going for a long (I'm talking 30-45 mins) No 2 and stinking the entire ground floor out. It was also our shower room and I'd go in there, holding my breath to spray and flush. 🤢

As I said, he's now my XH 😀

Thank you for all your comments, I will certainly be taking the advice, mainly the suggesting we sleeping separately more.
Let's see if that helps!

We have no kids together and we are not married, share a home though.
He can be lovely to me, which is why I struggle to step away from what's going on, as like many mentioned, they is more things that happen, this is just one of the situations I deal with regularly which upset and confuse me. He's not a straightforward man, and I need to stop trying to appease him, I just do that as I want an easy life and not to fall out over things which don't warrant an argument, he's very clever, the little digs and put downs he gives me, If I pull him up on them, he makes me out like I'm the one starting something, when I'm just responding to his poor attitude towards me. 🤯

Thank you all again, very much appreciated.

I need to stop trying to appease him, I just do that as I want an easy life and not to fall out over things which don't warrant an argument,

Doing things or not doing things so they don’t lead to an argument is not ok and is a massive red flag you’re in a mentally abusive relationship.

He's rather lucky he isn't with someone like me! If he pulled this controlling bullshit with me, I'd piddle on him!

Little digs and put downs? Why, for the love of God, are you accepting this? Why do you think you deserve to be treated so insultingly?

OP you can't do anything right can you?

Whatever you do is wrong in his eyes.

You will never be able to get it right.

This is because he is abusive. A bully. He is gaslighting you.

Please do the freedom programme.

Oh for goodness sakes why on earth are you even thinking like this? Have some respect for yourself! Leave the abusive arsehole!!!

Maybe you're not hydrated enough? I go at least twice and am younger than you. Nothing wrong with it.

this is just one of the situations I deal with regularly which upset and confuse me. He's not a straightforward man, and I need to stop trying to appease him, I just do that as I want an easy life and not to fall out over things which don't warrant an argument, he's very clever, the little digs and put downs he gives me, If I pull him up on them, he makes me out like I'm the one starting something,

@misswrite - read this again and again. Your words! Really let it sink in. What does it all mean, and do you really want to live your life like this?

And please, whatever you do, read WHY DOES HE DO THAT, by Lundy Bancroft. It's a classic on abusive behaviour and is available online as a free PDF.

Why are you wasting your life with a nasty bully?

What a waste of a life.

This was me.

Constantly trying to appease my X and keep him calm.

I loved him of course and would say he could be lovely but also very difficult. Always blaming me, in a mood, getting angry. During lockdown I realised that he wasn't lovely often and only when he had got his own way.

And a lovely day was him not being angry with me and punishing me with the silent treatment or screaming at me. Making me a cup of tea or taking me to the shops. My world and expectations got very small.

When I came to terms with the fact our relationship was extremely unhealthy I ended it. It was painful as I loved him but love wasn't enough.

It's not been easy but I've got my life and my self esteem back. Learnt about boundaries. Self care. I feel happier than I have in years.

WTF?

Get out of this relationship now, never mind sleeping separately.

How on earth would he cope if you have kids? They have been known to cry during the night...

Please DO NOT get pregnant with this man or marry him.

Separate now. He sounds awful.

I try to hold it a lot of times for fear of him taking issue as it can turn into an argument

For 'fear of him taking issue'? Just think about what you just wrote.

I go regularly too. My husband has never mentioned it.

But I try to go earlier in the middle of the night if I need to, because I’m aware that the closer it is to waking up time, the harder it is to go back to sleep. If my dh wakes me an hour before I get up, then I struggle to go back to sleep more than if he got up at say 3 to 4 am.

Now I’m not saying you need to wake up especially to do this, but if you need to go earlier, go! Rather than holding it in, then having to give up and go anyway nearer to his waking up time.

I bet there are other issues in your relationship that he takes issue with too?

No one should be afraid to go to the toilet.

Op seriously finish the relationship now. He is abusive. Luckily you have no kids and aren’t married.

you shouldn’t have to appease him and someone who loves you shouldn’t make digs at you.

only be with someone who makes you feel amazing. Who never makes you feel like shit. Who you don’t have to walk around on eggshells for. Who you are happy talking about anything you want to talk about without worry of being belittled or being outsmarted. That is the minimum needed for any relationship.

"No one should be afraid of going to the toilet"
Your P is abusing you

He he i can see it from his point of view as my oh gets up through the night to go to the toilet too 🙊 and it wakes me up, I am a light sleeper to be fair. Every so often we sleep in different rooms and I get much better sleep, not sure what the answer is xx

Are you on fucking glue?? Do you really think the guy's abusive behaviour is ok or that this is in the slightest bit amusing?!

@Grumpusaurus nah just sleep deprived! Yes obviously goes abit further than toilet issues, but sleep deprivation can really effect some people.