Partner gets annoyed I get up in the night to go to the bathroom.

[misswrite]

Hi, I feel I'm going to sound crazy here, as I think of course it's ok to go to the bathroom when you need to, yet my partner gets annoyed at me and brings it up a couple of times a week when he wakes up in the morning. I don't go every night, it's usually about an hour before we are meant to get up for work, I try to hold it a lot of times for fear of him taking issue as it can turn into an argument as I say it should be ok and he says I have woken him up and he's sick of me waking him up to go to the bathroom. It's usually only once a night. I am in my 40s, I just can't hold it as I use to do 10 years ago. I am quiet too, and don't flush to avoid more noise. Then I hope he's not going to get annoyed at me. He does go to toilet at times too, and I wake up, yet I don't feel irritated, I just don't understand why I irritate him to a point he has to make it known to me.

Please do me a favour.

Piss the bed and then wake him up and ask him if he prefers that option.

Say "There are really only two options available a nd say you choose which you prefer, I want you to be happy ".

Reading all your posts together, you are in an abusive relationship in which you are expected to sacrifice meeting your needs to comply with his wishes.

You need to do the online Freedom Programme so you can see how he is using coercive control to keep you in line.

You deserve better than this.

Exactly what @Poppinjay said.

OP, if you imagine a life without him, what does it look like? How would you feel?

He has a go at you if you get up to pee in the night and it wakes him up, but he does it too and it wakes you up too? That’s appalling.
And he snores and keeps you awake? And you walk on eggshells round him? He’s a nasty, aggressive hypocritical bully. Plenty of good advice from PPs on this thread about where to go with this relationship.

I'm guessing this is the tip of a MASSIVE iceberg in relation to the many small ways in which he controls you.

You feel confused by him.
He is moody but claims you're trying to start fights
He demands 'Lord and master' attention from his adult children
You're literally tiptoeing around him
You're trying to keep him happy

These are all well-known signifiers of an abusive relationship.

10 years later or 10 days, it doesn't matter, he's not the boss and I'd really like you to see what he's doing with a clear head.

It's up to you what you do next, but you don't have to put up with it for life.

We both have slept in the spare room, if I was to get up after I go to toilet, which I have done a few times previously, he has said I'm still to noisy, so I have at times just sat downstairs waiting for him to wake up, then gone upstairs to have a shower, he can then get irritated at me as I've not given him any morning action and says he doesn't feel i like love him! I do find him demanding! - I have heard that he was that with his kids mother too.

Why do you put up with this shit? He is a controlling arsehole! Who the hell gets annoyed with their partner for going to the toilet?

What do you get from this relationship?

Lots of women don't need to keep going to the loo. I am 68 and don't get up in the night nor do I usually have to go on a long car drive or if out for a day. My sister is the same. We both drink plenty of water too

Honestly OP the more you say about this man the worse he sounds. This is not what a healthy relationship should be like.

Oh, just leave him OP. He's too much trouble to be arsed with by the sound of it.

Christ I go at about 1 and 5 am 😵‍💫 every flipping night

He is truly awful!!!

He is abusive you exist only to service his needs and demands.

I try to talk to him, it's like he turns it around that I am the one trying to start an argument

We have lived together for 10 years, he does have some odd ways about him, which have fried my brain on multiple occasions, this is just one of many!
I have said to him, what am I meant to do, hold it in? Where strangely he never answers me!

What he wants is for you to passively accept the emotional punishment he dishes out without any complaint from you. And yes OP, he probably wants you to hold it in, but he won't actually come out and say it because you are meant to come to that conclusion yourself. He wants to make sure he is not to blame if you lose sleep or wet yourself.

Does he offer any proper solutions to any of this? Had he tried earplugs? If this bothers him so much, then regrettably he should be sleeping in the spare room. However, I don't think he will come up with any solutions because it sounds like he just wants to have a sulk at you in punishment.

To then say you are trying to start an argument when you are responding to this is beyond.

I really don't know what I am saying so wrong as I promise you all I am trying to appease him and keep him calm

like I'm to blame for everything that goes wrong in his life

How convenient for him to have an emotional punching bag.

If my dh disturbed my sleep multiple times a week about an hour before wake up (so unlikely I’d get back to sleep) we’d probably have to sleep in separate rooms. I need my sleep to function.

i also don’t think it’s normal to need the toilet in the night as a 40 year old (I’m 40 and have 3dc).

Omg. Tell him to go and sleep elsewhere. What a knob

Yes it definitely is perfectly normal

if it’s that bad for him you can sleep in separate rooms, it doesn’t have to destroy your sex life.

he’s being ridiculous about this though.

Sleep separately.

Preferably in different houses

Tell him you'll just pee the bed next time.

What a prat.

He's abusive.

Do you have children together?

How hard would it be to split up?

he can then get irritated at me as I've not given him any morning action and says he doesn't feel i like love him!

Sounds like he’s trying to find reasons to start an argument or make you feel bad.

I don’t understand why you are with him and putting up with it?
Have you told him to stop being so stupid? Or are you afraid to?

What are you getting out of this relationship?

Never mind separate beds, you need separate houses! Your posts are really sad OP, please leave him

So aside from the fact that it is fine if you need to go to the toilet any time of the day or night, he also does and he snores too.

I would finish with him or sleep in separate rooms. What a dick

He sounds like an abusive sack of shit. I hope this post is your first step towards realizing this is no way to live your life.

Sorry but he is being ridiculous. If you've got to go you've got to go.