Looking for advice from married women: how can I get married too?

[DreamAboutMrs]

I need married women to give me advice because I’m getting to an age where I really want marriage and feel left out from people I know getting married, in stable relationships.

Problems: I’m big. Like really big for my height (size 18 which looks massive on me). I feel like my weight is a big problem for dating and feel like men don’t ask me out mainly because of it. I also feel like I’m boring, as in my personality is boring, I don’t really have any hobbies or special interests to talk about. My personality isn’t particularly fun or bubbly either, I feel I’m quite dull and a bit boring.

I’ve created a glow up plan in an attempt to improve my life (and find a husband) over the next six months:

• I’ve been reading up on fashion and beauty and trying to dress more feminine, wearing bright colours, skirts and dresses, heels etc.


• I have an entire newly developed skincare routine that I complete morning and nighttime. Cleanser, toner, moisturiser and SPF. Cleanser, face mask, retinol and seal moisture at night. Before I used to just wash with water and then go.


• My morning and evening hair care routine is getting better too.


• I’ve been receiving therapy and it’s helped a lot with everything mentally and I’m ready to put myself out there dating wise.


• Most importantly, I’ve (slowly) started losing the weight I gained over the years and hopefully will have lost a decent amount by December.

What else do I need to do? How do I ask men out? Then introduce the topic of marriage without looking desperate? I also I’m not great in the kitchen, I’m on Atkins/Keto + one meal a day so I don’t cook much because of the weight loss. Household chores, cleaning, laundry also are not my thing but it’s something I do because I must - so this could make marriage difficult and it possibly could make me difficult to live with I’m aware. I also think I could get along with in-laws and do family events when necessary. What else do I need to know/do before getting married?

Rather than thinking about marriage all the time, perhaps you could just focus on meeting someone you like who has the same interests as you, and you want to spend time with.

The whole 'I must find a husband in a year' approach will make most men run a mile.

Ok… in the kindest way possible you really need to stop with everything you are currently doing in order to ‘get married’.

It definitely comes down to the old adage of ‘Nobody will love you until you love yourself’

Please stop focusing on what you don’t have, that hasn’t made you unmarried. The right person won’t care how glowed up or glammed up you are. Lose weight for yourself, look after yourself to be healthy, dress for your personality and in whichever mood suits you.

Marriage isn’t the be all and end all, desperation is probably fairly off putting to potential partners, but you really need to focus on yourself first!

There’s a hell of a lot to go through before you get to the point

Sorry- posted to soon.

I’ll be honest, you’re not doing yourself any favours by putting marriage on a pedestal as the ultimate goal here.

You are overthinking all this.

Love isn't manufactured from a tick list.

You say you’re boring. What do you actually enjoy doing? What makes you happy?

well done for the therapy and losing weight, you should be really proud of yourself :)

Is this a spoof?

what kind of things do you do with friends? I recommend trying to do some new things, such as join a group on Meet Up. Meeting new people is the best way and you may find you are happier anyway that way.

May I ask how old you are? And why do you want to get married? I met my DH at university - it was a random chance (which doesn't help you I'm afraid). IMHO make these changes for yourself, not for a potential husband. If these things make you feel better about yourself, then that will shine out of you. At that point I'd think you were ready (by whatever means) to start dating.

I don’t really do anything for fun and the only friends I really have are workplace “friendships” which don’t really count.

Just be yourself. You aren’t going to find the sort of person to build a long lasting and mutually supportive relationship with by trying to change who you are. Weight loss, self-care and therapy are all great things to have started on, well done - but think of them as an investment in yourself rather than ways of trying to attract a husband.

Get dating. Whether your preferred route for that is online dating, speed dating, or social meet-ups. Be clear with the men you meet that you’re ultimately looking for something long-term. Don’t overthink things. I don’t cook or clean. We buy ready-made of eat out and we have a robot vacuum and a cleaner for the rest. I’d really not consider your ability to cook and clean fundamental aspects of a relationship!

Thank you for the advice though @BiscuitLover3678 :)

Stop trying so hard to find a husband and focus on yourself. You need to love yourself before you can expect anyone else to.
Your list is great as long as you are doing it for your own health and wellbeing and to give yourself more confidence. But if wearing girly clothes is not really your thing then don't change, same with all the household shit. Men are quite capable of cooking and cleaning for themselves these days so look for one who is good at that himself and doesn't expect you to do everything for him.
You need to look for a man who will accept you for you, but this won't happen until you are proud of who you are.

Keep doing the therapy.

You never know what is going to happen in life. You might not meet someone to marry--a lot of it is sheer luck, rather than down to anything you are "lacking." Or you might get married and then have a miserable time in it. Or get married and then divorced for any of a number of reasons. Or get married and it's pretty good, but you run into problems (as anyone might).

Doing therapy to develop your resilience and self-esteem and inner resources so you can deal with all of those eventualities will be well worth it.

Aside from that, it's "be yourself." You don't have to have a skincare routine in order to get married ... but if you enjoy it and it makes you feel more confident, then keep doing it ... for yourself.

If I were you I would focus on improving my life for myself. Tackle your health and fitness and continue with therapy.

You said you/your life is boring. Think about the things you would like to do. Give them a try. Maybe you will find something you enjoy and you will meet more people.

Write a bucket list and do the things on it. Think about how you can get out there and socialise where you will meet men.

Work on your self esteem.

What is stopping you from doing anything for fun

Surely this isn't real? What age are you reaching which means you must get married immediately or forever be alone?

Well done on taking control of your life OP - I hope the therapy, healthy living and focusing on yourself is making you feel more comfortable in your own skin.

How old are you? Because I think my advice would differ depending on wether you were 20 or 40.....

You don’t do any of that
you don’t change yourself
and you don’t try to get a husband
you improve yourself for you
you find a hobby you like for you
you do exercise and eat healthy for your body, since it’s good for you
you improve your health care routine since you’re taking care of your body
you wear whatever you want that makes you feel better, if looking more feminine makes you feel better, go for it - if you’re confident on jeans and hoodie ms, jeans and hoodies it is
you make friends to have a bigger social circle
if a guy appears that you’re interested, and he’s interested - great, take things slowly, enjoy his company
do NOT, and I cannot say this enough, do not see any guy as a potential partner… value them as people
do NOT, settle because you want to marry
learn to love you, enjoy your company, find things you love, and if the right person appears - awesome

I am in my twenties and everyone I know is getting married. Apart from me.

My grandma, many moons ago when I was early 20's, said to me, Men decide they want to be married, and then start to look around for a wife/someone to fall in love with. Women fall in love and then want to marry.

Oh and I met my DH husband when I absolutely did not want to get married. I was happily single and had a lovely life on my own with my kids. He was a friend of a friend and he sort of grew on me until one day I realised he was the one.

You sound lovely and congrats on taking all of these positive steps forward to improve your wellbeing and health

if getting married is important to you then that’s fine - it’s important to a lot of people

but I would stop overthinking things. As others have said, just get meeting people and dating - whether that’s through a hobby or online

marriage is the step after a relationship which follows dating and you need to start somewhere

it seems that you think that all women who are married are somehow better than you - more attractive, amazing cooks, love cleaning - that just not the case

they just happened to meet someone who they connected with

I’m definitely no model, cook or perfect housewife for sure

so by all means continue what you are doing because it’s viral you are happy and love yourself - and then just put yourself out there and kiss a few frogs before you find the one

I’ve always heard that one the other way around!

Whatever you do, do it for yourself 😊