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Original poster

Looking for advice from married women: how can I get married too?

104 replies

DreamAboutMrs · 13/06/2022 13:01

I need married women to give me advice because I’m getting to an age where I really want marriage and feel left out from people I know getting married, in stable relationships.

Problems: I’m big. Like really big for my height (size 18 which looks massive on me). I feel like my weight is a big problem for dating and feel like men don’t ask me out mainly because of it. I also feel like I’m boring, as in my personality is boring, I don’t really have any hobbies or special interests to talk about. My personality isn’t particularly fun or bubbly either, I feel I’m quite dull and a bit boring.

I’ve created a glow up plan in an attempt to improve my life (and find a husband) over the next six months:


  • I’ve been reading up on fashion and beauty and trying to dress more feminine, wearing bright colours, skirts and dresses, heels etc.

  • I have an entire newly developed skincare routine that I complete morning and nighttime. Cleanser, toner, moisturiser and SPF. Cleanser, face mask, retinol and seal moisture at night. Before I used to just wash with water and then go.

  • My morning and evening hair care routine is getting better too.

  • I’ve been receiving therapy and it’s helped a lot with everything mentally and I’m ready to put myself out there dating wise.

  • Most importantly, I’ve (slowly) started losing the weight I gained over the years and hopefully will have lost a decent amount by December.


What else do I need to do? How do I ask men out? Then introduce the topic of marriage without looking desperate? I also I’m not great in the kitchen, I’m on Atkins/Keto + one meal a day so I don’t cook much because of the weight loss. Household chores, cleaning, laundry also are not my thing but it’s something I do because I must - so this could make marriage difficult and it possibly could make me difficult to live with I’m aware. I also think I could get along with in-laws and do family events when necessary. What else do I need to know/do before getting married?

OP posts:
goodcall101 · 15/06/2022 15:45

goodcall101 · 15/06/2022 15:27

@DreamAboutMrs Here is my advice, it could be totally wrong, but I have a happy marriage so take from it anything that’s you suspect will be helpful for you.
First, it might not feel like it but if you’re in your 20s you have lots of time to meet the right person. I will say, just to be blunt, having deadlines for when to get married etc. is not a good idea, you need to drop it immediately.

Every 20 something has a blueprint of what’s going to happen when and I know it’s painful but you cannot control this really and you could miss opportunities and make yourself crazy by thinking you can control it. I know plenty of people who got together and had kids in their 20s and they don’t regret it exactly but some of them do wish they weren’t in such a hurry. 20s is young, you could live to 100, that’s a long time with someone you “panic bought” aged 29. I know women in their 40s who are still single and are happy. I know women in their 40s who are angry because they thought they’d have it all by now but they don’t, in part because they wasted their time trying to push the wrong people into their life plan, 15 years or more of not getting what you feel entitled to can make you bitter.

Having said all that, it’s good to be proactive, just don’t let it become a goal in your mind- your goal is joy, you don’t know yet what will make you truly happy, but you can learn. I would recommend investing in yourself, not how you look (do this if you want to but know that confidence brings you more than beauty) but spend time figuring out what you enjoy. Do something you really enjoy at least once a day, every day. Knowing what makes you happy means someone else stands a chance of making you happy too. Treat yourself how you want to be treated in a relationship.

Be open-minded when dating, give people a good chance even if there isn’t a spark straight away, or they aren’t the most romantic, but have very high standards of behaviour and respect. Be brave enough to move on if you are treated disrespectfully- the faster you move on, the quicker you will meet someone who is a good match.

(Warning- very Controversial advice ahead)

Don’t ask men out, let them know you’re open to them but don’t put them on the spot. You will waste a lot of time asking people out and it will shake your confidence even if they agree to it.
Don’t try and control the pace of a relationship (unless to slow it down a bit) just let them know what you would like and leave it at that- no forcing the issue
Don’t try to control communication, let them contact you mostly, reply enthusiastically, but don’t fall into a trap of having several weeks or months of casual texting back and forth, lots of people get stuck in these ruts and the will to make a proper relationship fizzles out.
Don’t sleep with anyone before the 4th date at the very earliest (old school but it saves a lot of confusion and heartache in the long run- trust me)

Be kind- that’s a good chunk of what people want in a relationship, always shocks me how few people seem to realise this. You can have it all going on in terms of looks, personality, wealth etc but if you make people feel like they’re not quite good enough they will/should move on. Putting yourself down is another way of making a partner feel not quite good enough btw- so make sure you respect yourself as much as you want them to respect you.

Good luck, and have fun!

Show quote history

I should add! Ultimatums are not the way to go imho, and it’s good to bare in mind that most men want to be able to support a family/buy a house/ get to a certain point in their career before they settle down- it’s not always because they think you’re not the right one. Let them know it’s important to you, and if you suspect they are waiting for something better to come along then get out of there asap- life’s too short to be someone’s fallback.

SexyLittleNosferatu · 15/06/2022 15:59

This can't be real, surely?

Are people genuinely giving "advice" to someone in their 20s who is talking about her cooking and household chores not being up to much as though those are the requirements for bagging a fucking man??? This is utterly grim!

TryingToBeUnique · 15/06/2022 18:13

@SexyLittleNosferatu
i don’t think anyone has given advice on how to improve her housework. Are you saying nobody should interact with her at all? Why not?

WhatsInAMolatovMocktail · 15/06/2022 18:29

Many years ago I had a friend who was incredibly tall. She found it very hard to date due to low self-confidence and wouldnt date someone shorter than her. She was very keen to get married.

She went on a campaign like you. Better clothes, new hairstyle, tried new hobbies to make herself feel better (theatre, cookery classes, travel et). She asked male friends to check her OLD profiles for any red flags. She made herself go on a lot of dates but didnt sleep around at all, and when a relationship wasn't going in the right direction she binned it off and tried again.

She found someone, fell in love, is now married with kids.

So whilst the majority will rightly say you need to be happy with yourself first, I would also say if that part is going well, being tough-skinned and very determined about OLD can work. You have to be prepared for a lot of failures but strong enough to know it is NOT you. There are millions of potential partners out there - it's unlikely you will meet one that is good enough without a LOT of hard searching.

PS I like you. I think you can succeed without transforming yourself, BUT if transforming yourself gives you the confidence to put yourself out there, then go for it.

PPS Do not settle for someone just because "they'll do" and you're in a rush. Take your time, whatever you do. You are so young. I bet all your married friends have a little part of them that misses that lovely stage when you are heady in love with a guy, breaking up then heady in love with the next guy. It is both painful and intoxicating, I think. Married life is long. Don't rush.

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