New man am i being harsh??

[Moredogsplease]

Hello everyone, could use some majority advice if poss as i have met someone new but so many things in his world are different to mine i just dont know if im lining myself up for problems. Were both early 40s, he has one kid, i have 3. Were only casual right now so no big deal but he is so lovely i cant help thinking forward as to wether id want a relationship in time, if he does, and if i am being judgey and harsh by being surprised by:
No sofa. Very little furniture or belongings really, some nice bits but we sit on cushions on the floor. 8 months in, still the same and he blames the layout, difficult getting it into the upstairs flat. True, but....
No tv. Doesnt watch it. He plays his records when im there or we just talk.
Sober. Vegan. Quite alternative (but not to a dickhead extent)
Seems to dislike responsibility. Bailed on his 2 year old and partner. Said fatherhood absolutely pounded his mental health.
Seemed selfish since he himself was the product of a family where the dad bailed early on and he seemed sad about that but did the same.
Squabbled with his ex saying he should get some of the child maintenance money because of when he has his daughter.
Works freelance and doesnt seem to have much money, refuses to ever work weekends or evenings but moans about not having enough cash.
Doesn't drive, no licence, rides a bike carries a rucksack.

Its given me a bit of the ick because at our age i expect more. He seems maybe selfish? Immature? Hes very intelligent so its not stupidity thats an issue and as a person , one of the nicest, sweetest guys. Sex is pretty good, and he is good looking .

I guess what im asking is would you bother? Or would the above put you off him a bit??? Fully prepared to be slated here!!!

I dont think he is alright for now either. He wants money from his child. He is selfish. And the more time you spend with him, the more reluctant you'll be to end things as youll feel invested in it

I sigh a thousand sighs when I see everyone pointing out the list of reasons why someone is a complete and utter waste of space (walking away from one's own child is a dealbreaker all of its own, but the general lack of aspiration is pretty unappealing) and then the OP says "oh well, they'll do for now".

Really? Why would you waste precious time on someone who's a dead ender?

the answer is no different from the last time the question was asked.....

"Bailed on his 2 year old and partner. Said fatherhood absolutely pounded his mental health."

There's your answer right there.

Was this the thread?

www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4505308-At-40-would-you-expect

I remembered it too. Maybe same man different OP?

I'm not materialistic or house proud but god no, I couldn't be doing with this.

As a minimum I need a chair 😂

@Moredogsplease . Waste of time and you know it really

I thought I'd read this before as well but maybe there are just a lot of feckless manchildren out there?

I briefly dated one like this. It didn't get any better. The hills are that way >>>>

Why would you have any respect for a man who bailed on his kids?

Me too. Sorry, OP.

😂 I was looking fir a concise "Dump" 2 liner
This says it all

op posted about this guy in March and was told he is a waster and potentially a cocklodger
all that’s changed is that she’s wasted a further 3 months on him that she will never get back

OP will be back in August posting the same shit saying her ass hurts because she still Sat on pillows on the floor

I mean how many men are very spiritual, vegan and sober.

Doesnt drive. No licence. Travels by bus.

Has no Furniture only pillows

weekends are his time

and a shit father

It’s the no furniture & pillows that would do it for me 😂my ass needs a comfy chair

You want to be with someone who abandons their partner and child because it’s hard work?

Bailed on his 2 year old and partner. Said fatherhood absolutely pounded his mental health.

And he wants to avoid paying for his ex to look after said abandoned child?

He ditched his kid and wanted child maintenance money? Ew.

Either keep as a casual FWB
but not relationship material
in any way shape or form

Keep it casual. Nothing wrong with following a different lifestyle, but you may find as time goes by that him not conforming to his idea of society actually translates into hippy soundbites. He may disaprove of working like the majority of us, but will be quite happy to let you support him. The kwerkyness etc will begin to grate.
He needs to man up & support his child, he should be ashamed of himself .

Sorry but he sounds like a generic clone of so many men here in a hipster area of Bristol. Puts on an intellectual, spiritual, moral, free spirit persona but is fundamentally selfish and usually not actually a very nice person under the act. Also usually very mercenary and will attempt to disguise it or shame people into giving them handouts by lecturing about materialism and how others are too focused on money.

I can spot them a mile off but can see how people are initially taken in.

Bailed on his 2 year old and partner. Said fatherhood absolutely pounded his mental health

If he can't cope with one child that is his own flesh and blood, he is never going to want anything to do with three children that aren't even his. So that's the biggest red flag.

All the other stuff is weird as well - no sofa, no TV, can't drive, no money.....aargh, it's just rubbish, he is basically a man child. There will be no date nights, no foreign holidays, no drunken silly nights.....I'd be bored stiff.

Some people don't like possessions and if that's their preferred way of living, there's no shame in that. But actually it sounds like this chap here is just being stingy. He's too stingy to buy a sofa, car or to give his ex her full maintenance. If that's the case, stinginess is a really unpleasant trait and defo a red flag.

I got the ick, waaaay before the end of reading that op @Moredogsplease

Cocklodger.

Let me guess, Sagittarius.

He gives me the ink and I've never met him.

You sound incompatible. Most women are past that stage by your age but he seems to be stuck on student mode? And he sounds selfish - couldn't cope with fatherhood?? Diddums. Just as well his ex can cope with motherhood then 🙄

So he does see his daughter if he wants basically payment for when he has her?
did you ever comment on this to him?
don't waste your time.
oh and tell him to get a fucking sofa and PIVOT!

He doesn’t need a sofa now, 10 years down the line it’s a not a good luck trying to get up off the floor 🤣

Look 🙄