New man am i being harsh??

[Moredogsplease]

Hello everyone, could use some majority advice if poss as i have met someone new but so many things in his world are different to mine i just dont know if im lining myself up for problems. Were both early 40s, he has one kid, i have 3. Were only casual right now so no big deal but he is so lovely i cant help thinking forward as to wether id want a relationship in time, if he does, and if i am being judgey and harsh by being surprised by:
No sofa. Very little furniture or belongings really, some nice bits but we sit on cushions on the floor. 8 months in, still the same and he blames the layout, difficult getting it into the upstairs flat. True, but....
No tv. Doesnt watch it. He plays his records when im there or we just talk.
Sober. Vegan. Quite alternative (but not to a dickhead extent)
Seems to dislike responsibility. Bailed on his 2 year old and partner. Said fatherhood absolutely pounded his mental health.
Seemed selfish since he himself was the product of a family where the dad bailed early on and he seemed sad about that but did the same.
Squabbled with his ex saying he should get some of the child maintenance money because of when he has his daughter.
Works freelance and doesnt seem to have much money, refuses to ever work weekends or evenings but moans about not having enough cash.
Doesn't drive, no licence, rides a bike carries a rucksack.

Its given me a bit of the ick because at our age i expect more. He seems maybe selfish? Immature? Hes very intelligent so its not stupidity thats an issue and as a person , one of the nicest, sweetest guys. Sex is pretty good, and he is good looking .

I guess what im asking is would you bother? Or would the above put you off him a bit??? Fully prepared to be slated here!!!

He bailed on his child yet the red flag for you is that he doesn't drive 😱. Ok then!

This!!!

@Pleiades2020 That's exactly the one. That OP was a real charmer.

*

Lighten up ladies. Maybe a cervical massage would help you all calm down.
Shall I name change and be a cowardly twat like the rest of you every time I want to ponder something? Nah. I wanted opinions, not silly women with too much time on their hands looking through my previous posts (seriously, WHO has time for this) and picking me apart. Or attempting to. Dating life a big mess, yep! I was married forever, this is all new to me, and yeah...mistakes have been made. My kids however, they are fab and doing well. Feels like I'm back at school except all the bitches are now middle aged Wine

@Sonaftersonafterson Wow! 🤣🤣🤣

I haven't posted on this thread yet but I saw this and had to comment.

'Maybe a cervical massage would help you all calm down'

'not silly women with too much time on their hands is quite something'

This kind of comment speaks volumes about you OP. I haven't even read the posts you're referring to so I have no idea what this was about, but saying that women need cervical massages to calm down??? Really OP???

I've encountered women like you before. They usually say these things to get some chuckles and popularity points around men because they think its edgey ? It's a way for them to ascend a social hierarchy by joining into sexist behaviour and using misogynistic insults. It's pathetic. No one respects that OP. The men you do this around and find it amusing won't respect women much either.

And what's strange is that you've used it here.....on a women's forum! What planet are you from??

yeah the last bit all sounds awful. You’re in honeymoon stage. Imagine him when you’re into a relationship and you’re over the lovey dovey stuff.

Sorry but I couldn't even have the most casual of casual flings with a man who had bailed on his child. He's a piece of shit.

Imagine getting a cervical massage (?!!) from a sober-broke-vegan-deadbeat dad😝

His attitude to his child would be the deal breaker for me

The other thread says he sees his child every weekend, not sure that counts as ‘bailing’ exactly, parents are allowed to split up.

the money thing is kind of shitty, although it depends what the residency split is

If he's good looking and good in bed would keep this man as a fuck buddy ONLY but not get involved. In any case sounds like it's the only joys you will get from this Peter Pan type.

Call me shallow, but when a grown man hasn't got something to sit on, then I wouldn't be interested in him.

The part about his child is absolutely unforgivable. I couldn't even stay for the rest of the evening after being told that.

His lack of material things shouldn't be an issue, or his chosen diet. Him being sober would be a good thing from my POV, but this is about how you feel. I think not having a car, and biking around is also a good thing, but it's hard when you have kids and no car.

The fact that he ran away from the responsibility of his child, and thinks he's entitled to CM is hilarious, it's called being a parent and providing for your child etc, THAT'S a problem. Saying being a father mangled his mental health? Perhaps he should have thought about that before he had sex.

He sounds very blasé about things that should be important in his life, but then manchildren never think about the important things.

You clearly can't depend on him for being consistent, or even sticking around. He might be friend material but boyfriend material? Nooooope.

What would bother me is the lack of responsibility in providing for his child. And lack of sofa etc.

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

Some people are saying "if the sex is good then why not stay for a while...". Quite apart from the fact that the longer you're enmeshed with someone, the harder it is to break up, if I didn't respect someone, and I couldn't respect someone like this, I'm not sure how I could have good sex... it wouldn't matter how hot their body was, or how good their moves were.