Partner lying about owning a house..

[Smileandbe]

Hi all,

I have been with my partner for a couple of years now, he owns his own place (or so I thought) and I own mine. He has basically moved in with me (it's easier for us both this way due to being closer to work) and we've lived together just over a year.

We try to go to his place once a week. Recently I have suggested I would like to move forward maybe get a place together or rent one of our places out so we are better off financially. He reacted badly to this and says he doesn't want to sell his place or rent it out. I am happy to sell or rent mine if it means we move forward together. I presumed he was struggling with commitment and maybe it was too soon for him to move forward, despite the fact we live together already.

I have since discovered (from some papers he threw out and asked me to shred) that he doesn't actually own his property but rather rents it from his ex in laws. I've done a check online and confirmed this is the case. He doesn't know that I know yet.

My first reaction was shock. He's told me since we met that he has worked so hard to get a mortgage and pay it as a single person (as I have too). He's told me he has 5 years left on his mortgage, that he's locked in for 5 years so he'd get a good rate and not be affected by the cost of living crisis in that respect etc etc. He planned to sell his flat when he retired and get a mobile home so he could travel abroad more. He's not simply lied about owning a property, he's fabricated a lifestyle.

I couldn't care less if he had absolutely nothing when we first met. I've never asked or wanted anything physically from him and I do not consider myself to be a materialistic person. I would have loved him the same whatever but the fact that he has been lying to me all this time is so confusing. I don't understand why he feels he needs to do it and when he plans on telling me the truth. I am still struggling to process it.

I really do not know the best way to approach this with him. If anyone has any input I'd be so grateful 🙏 thank you

If he's lying about this, what else is he lying about? Cocklodging Pinocchio

I am so sorry OP.

As I imagine everyone else is saying, I don’t think there is any choice but to end it.

That’s a huge huge thing to lie about, and shows he has no thought for other people whatsoever. You cannot possibly trust him again,

Very nasty web of lies. Time to get rid of him. If you think he may react badly then have a friend there when you tell him who can stay while he moves out.

Also do a credit check to see if he’s taken out debt in your name or his at your address.

Are you sure they're his ex in-laws, and that he isn't still married?

None, which is why I think it's the IL's house, & they rent it to him to ensure their GC are housed.

Reminds me of when Some guy from
Hinge told me he worked at a certain company - I thought it was well weird he had the ability to text all day and leave me food love parcels at my door like a fucking creep

anyway straight onto companies house
the place he told me he ‘owned’ and currently ‘worked at’ had dissolved a few months earlier
another guy who was ‘renting’ due to some weird ex circumstances. Apparently she had put his name on a whole load of debt. Fucking bullshit: he knew full well it took me about four weeks to see straight through him.

seen him in the street taking pish to some lassie, they looked like they were dating - wanted to stop and warn the girl. Gimp

now if I meet a man I do at minimun searches
facebook
instagram
google their name
google their name with job title
properties search (address and when bought to see of it aligns)
companies house
electrol roll
reverse image search just incase

All this rubbish about being in a 5 year fixed rate mortgage - WTF!

im wondering if that was his way of trying to deter you from asking if he’d sell his place and buy with you 🙄 as he obviously can’t due to not being his house. What a tangled web of lies he’s spun……

Have you spoken to him about it all yet @Smileandbe ?

All this rubbish about being in a 5 year fixed rate mortgage - WTF!

im wondering if that was his way of trying to deter you from asking if he’d sell his place and buy with you 🙄 as he obviously can’t due to not being his house. What a tangled web of lies he’s spun……

Have you spoken to him about it all yet @Smileandbe ?

Good grief, more deceit? I’m concerned for you, from the little I’ve read he sounds like he may be a narcissist. I’m sure there’ll be more he’s done that you’re not saying. There is no question. Get away from him, cut all contact. This one’s a bad’un and he has to go for your sake.

So he's been messaging other women and now you've found out he's told all these lies?

Get rid. There's nothing to salvage here. He's an untrustworthy liar.

^ sums it up well, sadly.

Part of me hopes they just got the mortgage out in their names so that he could leave their daughter the house they bought together.

they may just have him paying them the mortgage and then sign it to him when he finishes paying.

it is definitely a possibility - let us know what you find out

if you let him get away with this op he'll know he can lie about anything. it's beyond a lie actually. it's intentionally deceitful.

I have experience of being with someone who lied and deceived especially when money was involved. I cannot tell you would to do, but there is no way I would tolerate this - its a deal breaker. It wont get better.
I'm thinking that perhaps he wanted you to find out and was too much of a wimp to tell you to your face - hence giving YOU his paperwork to shred.

Why would you hope this? I completely disagree.

I think I feel so strongly because I’ve dealt with similar and your situation is worrying.

Whatever he has lied about, it was still a lie.

Several lies it would seem and over a few years. In fact this man is a pathological liar and has very little regard for you or any of your future hopes, why would you even consider giving him a chance?

In my view there is a lot more to this thread OP, about you and how you feel about yourself. You deserve better and you will find better. Get him out, cut all contact and stay strong. Read self-help books if you need to, write about how you feel. Stay no contact. But take action, I really think this man is very bad news.

Life will feel better with him out of the picture and it really won’t take as long or be as difficult as you might think. Promise.

Get help from friends, get him out, stay strong.

Luck and lots of love OP.

I once went out with someone who lied about the same thing, it wasn't the only thing he lied about. I wish is left him after finding out the first lie

I had similar. He misled me about his job (he no longer had one), his age, where he actually lived and goodness knows what else. I too wish I’d left him after the first lie.

You need to confront him. He has constructed an elaborate lie!

I'm seeing all the red flags and part of me is on board with LTB, but the other part is actually curious. How will he explain it? I'd confront and ask. Then almost certainly LTB - with no more questions you need to mull over, just a way forward. Sorry OP, I hope you're ok.

My friend and her partner split up 6 or 7 years ago. She owned the house but the only way they could get him out was when her dad bought a flat for him to live in that was suitable for his granddaughter to visit. Her dad still owns the flat, and it’s held in trust for his granddaughter. I’m sure the ex DP pays rent but I wouldn’t be surprised if he paid well below the market rate.

I think he probably lied because he was embarrassed that you own your home and he was renting from his ex-in-laws.
That’s pretty emasculating/embarrassing.

Nevertheless, he’s continued to lie, and that’s unacceptable.

I’d start with: Is there anything you want to tell me?
And continue on until he either confesses or runs away.
Chances are, he’ll probably confess and then run away so be prepared for that.

Bloody hell. How can you ever trust him again. And if the pp is right, he reacted badly about being found cheating?

You have no choice but to finish it.

Op you have seriously poor boundaries to still be in this relationship after what he did and how he treated you back in April.

A cheater and con artist is using you in your home.

You have been pulled in by the plausible, charming side of him. But he has a two other sides that do not have your best interests at heart.

He has no respect for you to treat you so badly. The tragedy is you giving him the benefit of the doubt last time.

This comment reminded me of my ex husband. A total lying Walter Mitty. I spent years feeling so embarrassed with what lies he told our friends to make himself look successful & afluent whilst spending all of our meagre income on worthless crap. He made my life a misery. Get away now do not give this worthless piece of crap a moment longer of your time or the opportunity to cocklodge in the property that you have worked so hard for.

Oh dear

Go speak to him about it, clear the issue and decide what to do.

ffs give her a break. Bit too late for the clear hindsight chat - yes its clear to us but she also has the good parts of him
she clearly knows something is very wrong if she is asking mumsnet - at least she is asking for help and advice