Partner lying about owning a house..

[Smileandbe]

Hi all,

I have been with my partner for a couple of years now, he owns his own place (or so I thought) and I own mine. He has basically moved in with me (it's easier for us both this way due to being closer to work) and we've lived together just over a year.

We try to go to his place once a week. Recently I have suggested I would like to move forward maybe get a place together or rent one of our places out so we are better off financially. He reacted badly to this and says he doesn't want to sell his place or rent it out. I am happy to sell or rent mine if it means we move forward together. I presumed he was struggling with commitment and maybe it was too soon for him to move forward, despite the fact we live together already.

I have since discovered (from some papers he threw out and asked me to shred) that he doesn't actually own his property but rather rents it from his ex in laws. I've done a check online and confirmed this is the case. He doesn't know that I know yet.

My first reaction was shock. He's told me since we met that he has worked so hard to get a mortgage and pay it as a single person (as I have too). He's told me he has 5 years left on his mortgage, that he's locked in for 5 years so he'd get a good rate and not be affected by the cost of living crisis in that respect etc etc. He planned to sell his flat when he retired and get a mobile home so he could travel abroad more. He's not simply lied about owning a property, he's fabricated a lifestyle.

I couldn't care less if he had absolutely nothing when we first met. I've never asked or wanted anything physically from him and I do not consider myself to be a materialistic person. I would have loved him the same whatever but the fact that he has been lying to me all this time is so confusing. I don't understand why he feels he needs to do it and when he plans on telling me the truth. I am still struggling to process it.

I really do not know the best way to approach this with him. If anyone has any input I'd be so grateful 🙏 thank you

Thanks all. I thought I might be overreacting but don't think I am. I feel so stupid not to have had any idea earlier.

Not sure why he gave me the papers but I don't think he had any idea they were there. Although surely the truth would have had to come out somewhere along the line.

He's deffo not with the ex - they have a grown up child together and I have met her, her new husband and the ex inlaws numerous times at birthdays for the child etc. They haven't been together for about 18 years (or so he says who knows anymore). Which makes it even worse - I'm now wondering if they've been told not to mention anything to me about it but for what reason I wouldn't know. The ex has never lived at his place either as when they split she kept their original house and he told me he bought his a few years after. Why the ex inlaws own it, I have no idea! I just don't get why you would lie about something like that. It has massively messed my head up.

Thank you for all your advice.

Yes. This is too serious for the relationship to continue.

sorry OP.

Wow that’s some deceit, what else does he lie about because he has no intention of staying with you! He’d rather bail than confess. Plus how was he going to tell you about and ‘sale’? I’d kick him back out - he’s leeching off you.

Now you know he's a liar, and you have no idea what else he might be lying about. You can't possibly trust him, so the only option is to end it.

It's crap, but there isn't any way forward from this.

He's lied to appear a "good catch" to you... i.e financially well off/set up.

My concern is that at his stage of life he is the complete opposite.

What happened to his share of the divorce assets?

Think I'd do an Experian search and see if he has any debt.

Why bother?

There is no information that the OP could possinly obtain that would change what she needs to do next - which is to dump him.

Why spend time and energy doing debt searches on a man who has already proved himself to be waste of her precious time?

The trust has gone. He's lied to you.
I wouldn't be able to continue in the relationship if I were you.

I wouldn't mix finances.
You could easily being up what you noticed in the papers he gave you. I mean he gave them to you. Just to see what he says.

A total total dealbreaker.

He is not the honest man you thought he was. That is one hell of a lie.

I would run for the hills whilst you still can, he has an eye on half a share of your place op.

Is there a chance that they did originally own it and he bought it from them so the papers are old.

He's not only a liar but a bit dim too if he asked you to shred papers that relate to his lies. Do you think he somehow wanted you to find out the truth?

Liar cocklodger chancer extraordinaire.

Sorry - nothing to do with your dilemma @Smileandbe, but couldn't help but comment on @takeaflight's post.

You really think all men tell lies? Honestly?! What a fine example of your sex you are.

I'd bother, so if l was wavering with what to do - this would help me make a decision.

I don't think the Op will LTB

Oh, OP. So he's moved in, lied about his house, finances and future plans. As well as lying about messages from another woman and then got aggressive with you when you challenged him. At least you know that your house is yours and you can send him packing now.

What a worrying situation. I would do a credit check and make sure he has not taken out any loans in your name. He could have told this lie to make him seem a better prospect, but also could have more nefarious intentions - I am so sorry OP.

Agreed @GreenIsle . OP, it's a bit sneaky but could you check with HM Land Registry who actually owns it?

It literally costs £3 to order title deeds from
the Land Registry. It’s always worth doing your due diligence when you’re starting out with a new relationship.

Thank goodness you found out now rather than further down the line!

Like so many PPs I'd also wonder what else he's lied about, but even if he hasn't this one is huge

An ex friend did the same to his new partner, who didn't find out until applying for a new mortgage with him. How he thought he could keep it a secret is anyone's guess, but she chucked him out and you'd be wise to do the same

I had a relationship with a liar. There are all kinds of reasons why people lie- none of that matters. What does matter is you can't trust them.
Heave ho and never speak to him again.

Kick him out. Let him go back and live in his own place.

I've had this too. Thankfully his lies unravelled very quickly and with me doing some digging, discovered he was also married, with a toddler and was a stay at home dad rather than the successful persona he had created with me.

Please OP, get out and end it as soon as you can. He is not the man you think he is. - are they definitely even his EX in laws? You also need to let at least one of your trusted friends or family know so they can support you in RL.

He's a liar to his core.

I wouldn't be surprised if he handed the family home to his ex and the inlaws have accommodated him by giving him a competitive rent.

He has deliberately falsely represented himself.

He has conveniently moved into your property.

He is a scam artist.

Be glad you haven't married this waster.

He is NOT to be trusted.

So he's been messaging other women and now you've found out he's told all these lies?

Get rid. There's nothing to salvage here. He's an untrustworthy liar.

I just don't get why you would lie about something like that.

Horrible shock for you OP

Just guessing, but I imagine he was vaguely hoping to fulfil his ambitions (the mobile home and travel when retired, etc) on the back of your property investment. He probably hadn't thought it through in detail, but hoped if he could string you along it would all work out somehow.

Walter Mitty types are never a reliable bet for the future!