Partner lying about owning a house..

[Smileandbe]

Hi all,

I have been with my partner for a couple of years now, he owns his own place (or so I thought) and I own mine. He has basically moved in with me (it's easier for us both this way due to being closer to work) and we've lived together just over a year.

We try to go to his place once a week. Recently I have suggested I would like to move forward maybe get a place together or rent one of our places out so we are better off financially. He reacted badly to this and says he doesn't want to sell his place or rent it out. I am happy to sell or rent mine if it means we move forward together. I presumed he was struggling with commitment and maybe it was too soon for him to move forward, despite the fact we live together already.

I have since discovered (from some papers he threw out and asked me to shred) that he doesn't actually own his property but rather rents it from his ex in laws. I've done a check online and confirmed this is the case. He doesn't know that I know yet.

My first reaction was shock. He's told me since we met that he has worked so hard to get a mortgage and pay it as a single person (as I have too). He's told me he has 5 years left on his mortgage, that he's locked in for 5 years so he'd get a good rate and not be affected by the cost of living crisis in that respect etc etc. He planned to sell his flat when he retired and get a mobile home so he could travel abroad more. He's not simply lied about owning a property, he's fabricated a lifestyle.

I couldn't care less if he had absolutely nothing when we first met. I've never asked or wanted anything physically from him and I do not consider myself to be a materialistic person. I would have loved him the same whatever but the fact that he has been lying to me all this time is so confusing. I don't understand why he feels he needs to do it and when he plans on telling me the truth. I am still struggling to process it.

I really do not know the best way to approach this with him. If anyone has any input I'd be so grateful 🙏 thank you

Are you sure he did not buy it off them and the papers are old?

The ex has never lived at his place either as when they split she kept their original house and he told me he bought his a few years after. Why the ex inlaws own it, I have no idea!

Well, it's pretty obvious this is yet another lie. What are the chances that you rent somewhere that your ex inlaws happen to own?

Dump him at once

In April you posted about him messaging another woman.
Now you've found out he doesn't actually own his property.
He is a liar.
You should get rid of him immediately. You absolutely cannot trust this man.

While he's been living at yours what exactly has he been contributing to the household? He sounds like a common-or-garden cocklodger to me - just a particularly crafty one who has included lies about owning his own property (normally cocklodgers claim some kind of "accommodation emergency" to move in by stealth at the beginning).

Oh dear OP I’m sorry but you are with a lying low life. He hasnt even done it to try and impress you, if he’s messaging other women. He’s what’s in it for me all the way. Get rid is the only answer but before you do make sure he’s not taken loans out against your house/name

In April you posted about him messaging another woman

I hadn't twigged that
Doubtless he feels he's onto a good thing, but just what the hell is the point in this relationship?

Think I'd ask him about it and tell him to go back to him flat. He doesn't want to be committed to you. You deserve better. Get a mortgage yourself.

"He's told me since we met that he has worked so hard to get a mortgage and pay it as a single person (as I have too). He's told me he has 5 years left on his mortgage, that he's locked in for 5 years so he'd get a good rate and not be affected by the cost of living crisis in that respect etc etc. He planned to sell his flat when he retired and get a mobile home so he could travel abroad more. He's not simply lied about owning a property, he's fabricated a lifestyle."

😮Wow😮!

That's not just one lie, that's an absolute web of lies, presumably told to you over time too, not just the once. Premeditated and carefully planned lying.

I think he's probably a Future Faker - 'people who sell the idea of a future to get what they want in the present'. At heart it's manipulation of you, by him.

I would dump him. I don't like being lied to, and I really, really don't like being manipulated. I'm not sure I'd even be able to look at him right now, because his behaviour is so abnormal.

Maybe they have a deal and he still owns his old house but she lives there? I think you need to ask him

One of oldest and dearest friends started dating a man when she moved to his home city for work. He was a local - born and bred - and would point out his parents' place (fancy, middle of town) to her regularly. He came from money, grew up in a nice area etc. She didn't meet his parents because they always moved out of the City for winter.

That summer, for various reasons, they didn't come back.

She suggested going to their winter home to visit. He kept throwing up excuses etc.

Needless to say, it was all a complete lie. His parents had divorced when he was young. He had grown up SOME of the time in this city, but had actually spent most of his life in a (much less glamourous/wealthy) city. He hadnt' seen his dad in years.

She forgave him even though he'd been lying to her for YEARS. The got married.

He now "manages" some properties SHE has paid for and is supposedly primary carer to their DC - ie he complains and hires/fires nannies on a regular basis. The really scary thing is she believes all his stories... even now.

These men are basically con artists. Don't go there.

@BIWI I was assuming @takeaflight was meaning white lies such as ‘no, your hair isn’t too short/light/frizzy’ ….’yes you look lovely in that outfit’ type of white lies rather than agreeing with a DP that the hairdresser has made a mess when they are already feeling less than confident.

He had the chance to come clean to you and instead fabricated even more lies to justify initial lie. Don't waste any more time with him. Send him back to his rented house.

Do NOT get into ANY financial arrangement with this man. Do not sell your place to get a place together; do not move out.

But I'd be re-thinking the relationship. He's a liar & could be trying to take advantage of your financial stability.

Absolutely playing devils advocate here (cos it really doesn’t sound too good OP) but could the ex- in-laws have bought the house when he divorced the ex to buy him out of the main home and he’s been paying off the mortgage after which he gets the house handed over to him? Maybe his credit was shit or he couldn’t get a mortgage? It’s just speculation it’s probably bullshit but you never know, I’ve heard of stranger things.

Its all very suspect but I’d be doing some digging before declaring LTB or raising it with him. I hope you didn’t shred the evidence so you can ask him About it.

Your DP's house might be rented to him but sooner or later it'll likely go to his DD as an inheritance...
You're the new partner and that's all you are. You're with in today, likely tomorrow but next year?... Well, things change, only kids are forever.
I want to say your DP's a prick but I'll admit I don't feel comfortable sharing financial information with people I wouldn't trust my life and soul to. The thing is if the house were mine I'd be more likely to pass it off as a rental, than pretending I own sth when I don't. In my experience people who embellish themselves and come across as bigger/better than reality are a liability for my life and my MH.

Run....for the hills....fast.

Elaborate lies. There will be more. You can't believe a word he says.

Run.

I haven't read all of the responses but could it be a "rent to own" situation with the Ex in laws? Maybe he has an agreement with them that if he pay for X amount of years they will turn the house over to him?

If not he is clearly just a liar and you should not trust him.

Friend of a friend had a new fella in her life and I heard he worked in the City.

I immediately thought "no he doesn't" as I would regularly see him about the local town at about 3pm on a weekday.
He turned out to be a huge liar saying that he owned a particular large property and rented it out. Little did he know the real owners and occupiers were well known to other friends, so luckily his web of lies were detected very early on.

I wouldn't even confront him on the matter OP. I would just say its over as I'm not really feeling it any more. I would be actually quite worried and scared of what he would be capable of after lying to you for all these years. It sounds like the start of a Netflix documentary. Proceed with caution.

What a lying twat. Dump him.

Is he a cocklodger, OP, does he pay you proper rent/food/bills money?

This is a huge breach of trust op and I would be questioning my relationship. As an aside - how on earth can you credit check someone else????

I wouldn't even confront him on the matter OP. I would just say its over as I'm not really feeling it any more. I would be actually quite worried and scared of what he would be capable of after lying to you for all these years. It sounds like the start of a Netflix documentary. Proceed with caution.

Agree with this. Just end it. No need to waste anymore time on him.

You now know he's someone who can look you in the eye and lie, and keep that lie going for years. What do you do? Tell him to fuck off and move on to pastures new.

That's rather a large lie to have caught him out in. Especially when you consider the elaborations about his mortgage etc. I would just say you had checked paperwork he gave you to dispose of, just to ensure you weren't destroying anything important and you were puzzled when you came across that information. I suppose where you go from there depends on his reaction and how much you care for him.

I think I would probably be asking myself what else in his life, and your relationship was a lie and whether he could be trusted. In my case there would no longer be a relationship but that's definitely a decision only you can make.

I think it’s probably how he prefers to portray himself generally, and probably he doesn’t want you to think you’re of higher value - not that you would but he clearly has these values.
I had a casual friend who ‘owned’ the house his ex was in, had a ‘degree’ - oh so much stuff he had or had done - to be fair he didn’t use it to take advantage except as far as feeding his own superiority complex.
But, you know, just don’t try a real relationship with these folk - you end up you can’t really believe it’s Tuesday if they said so and it’s just pointless.
I wouldn’t bother challenging as you’ll get more porkies and lying excuses, and turned on you often, and you also then might drive yourself mad trying to understand him or why he does this stuff.
Of course he could be a big con artist too - so leave even faster!
it is a shame for you to be lied to and have everything about the relationship spoiled - look after yourself.

He's a nasty liar isn't he? I'd have him out on his ear by the weekend. No future with someone like this.