I can’t take anymore. Feel like I want to disappear forever

[SundaysKal]

My partner is asking me to move to Ireland to support him in his job. Im pregnant. We are not married.

He wants this job as it’s got good long term prospects and his parents live in Dublin so he will be close to them. They are not welcoming people and whilst I know them, they are not the sort of people you can call in for a chat or have a warm relationship with. They see my DP every week or so for an hour when we have gone over. My family are much more involved and proactive.

The sticking point though is that my job is based in England and I would not be able to work in Ireland doing what I do. It wouldn’t even be possible remotely. DP knows this yet expects me to join him in Ireland and he will ‘provide everything.’ I don’t want to be jobless and in a place so far from family. He also says that it’s quicker to fly back from Ireland than it is driving from where we are at the moment to see my family. It’s not the point, I can get in the car here and be with them.

He is saying he will take the job no matter what now and is putting it all on me breaking us up. He has said that I always knew he would want to be close to his parents as they got older (they are nearly 80) and that I knew this and always said I was open to the idea. I did but also made it clear in the last year that I wasn’t ok with it and couldn’t have a future there.

I don’t know what to do now. I’m having the baby in 5 weeks. I’m distraught.

he’s not exactly a loud or aggressive man

That's some low bar you've got there. He mocked you and mimicked you when you were vulnerable and pregnant. He doesn't want your baby. He is willing to abandon you and your unborn child without a backward glance and blame you for the break-up. Is all of that not enough reason for you to let him go?!

Wow.....well I started off feeling ok to give advice with the situation to being angry with all he was coming out with and saying to you.

That alone should make you not go. He's controlling, selfish and absolutely thinking about his own needs than those of you and his child. You'll be miserable away from your family, if he wants to go and never wanted the baby anyway then let him make that choice, it's on him not you.

Re the baby - trust me. It won't remind you of him and the baby will have its own personality. Mother instinct will supersede!

Just repeating this one !

you can do it alone OP. He doesn’t have to leave. He is choosing to do that

Um.. if you can love your reprehensible boyfriend, you can love anything, certainly your own kid. Tell everyone what he has done, let everyone know his shame.

Well, he's a manipulative abuser isn't he? I'd tell him to fuck off and stay in Ireland, I never want to see him again. Honestly he sounds like a classic gaslighting, manipulating abuser. You can raise your baby on your own, it will be better without him in their life influencing them.

Abuse ramps up during pregnancy. You said he laughed when you fell down the stairs a week ago and mocked you. So you would have been what, 34 weeks pregnant? The baby could have been harmed, and his instinct wasn't to check that you were ok and maybe take you to A and E to have you and his unborn baby checked over, but to mock you??

This 'man' is pure GARBAGE. He scum. Tell him it's over and to fuck himself and he'll never see the baby if he leaves (personally it sounds like he never wanted the baby so I don't think he'll interfere with your parenting of it thankfully). Don't put his name on the birth certificate or give the baby his last name. He doesn't deserve that honour. Tell him to go, the sooner he leaves, the better, the sooner you can heal from his abuse and forge a life for yourself and your child. Honestly, OP, you're better off alone than being with scum like him. No woman deserves him, like a hole in the head!

Isn't it strange that when you protested that Ireland was too far from your family, he shut you down saying it was quicker to fly to them from Ireland than drive from where you are now? But when it's HIS parents, he has to move to be near them.

He's full of shit. He's refusing to acknowledge it isn't a good move for you and now behaving like a petulant child "never wanted the baby anyway" He is relying on you being easy to bully because you are so vulnerable - he is really being selfish and controlling.

You earn a very good salary. You can take him to court for child support. Or not. Whichever. You don't need him if this is how he is going to be. Do it on your own. You will be fine in the long run.

But I agree with a previous poster - give the baby your name and do not put him on the birth certificate.

Good luck. I promise - it will be ok. Get your family and friends around you and enjoy your baby in your home, on your terms.

He sounds like a bully.
He goes off to his own place & refuses all contact
He's been generally unpleasant to the point if mocking you when you fell downstairs when pregnant.
(A sure sign that its not going to improve when the baby is here)
You tell him loud & clear, you will not be
moving to Ireland, in view of his behaviour it would be madness to move away from your support group?
People who actually like & love you.

Don't go OP. All the other posters have given very valid reasons why you should not.
Life is too short to waste your love on a man who doesn't value it.

Absolutely do not go. I am saying this as an Irish woman happily living in Dublin. From what you said you will not be able to work in Ireland and therefore fully dependent on him. He has shown that your feelings don't matter. Being a first time mother is damn hard and you need your support around you. If you move to Ireland you could be compelled to stay there. Love Ireland but as a woman do not go and make yourself dependent on him. Sending you and your baby the best of luck

What happened to your savings, OP?