Teacher married to non teacher

[Darknessinlight]

I don’t know if anyone else is in this boat or is married to a teacher and are not a teacher themselves.

DH doesn’t really understand my job. I don’t expect him to but I don’t think he gets that I do need time to work in the evenings or weekends (try not to do both.)

I don’t know if anyone knows what I mean!

Are you the teacher? I trained after I was already married - teaching is my second (and main) career so DH saw the PGCE/NQT slog which set the expectations! I try to compensate by being more helpful in the school holidays but tbh current teaching job (SLT) I have to work quite a lot of evenings / Saturday mornings/ school holiday days (on-site) so I am often in the dog house.

I was married to my DH when he was a teacher but he isn’t anymore. It was hard but I understood that his job wasn’t in normal hours with planning, marking, parent’s evenings etc.

I'm assuming he's reasonably intelligent? When does he think you will plan and produce resources for 5 or 6 hours worth of lessons for each day? When does he think you will take in books and mark the work that pupils did in that day?

I'm assuming he realises that at school there are bright eyed children sitting in front of you all day, desperate for you to impart knowledge and actually, you know, teach them...

Therefore the rest of the job unfortunately gets carried out in your own time. 😃

I'm no longer a teacher but DH is. Cant say it's ever crossed my mind to think of it being a special "thing". DH doesn't usually work evenings, and never weekends or in the holidays, though (whereas I sometimes do). But if he needed to, it wouldn't be a problem any more so than if he had any other job... if there's work it needs to be done.

When does he plan and mark, @Blurp ?
not being goady, genuinely wondering.

DH can be a bit needy and wants to spend time with me when DC are in bed, which is lovely but I do need to do things.

Teacher here married to a non-teacher! My non-teacher DH has to work in the evening sometimes himself connecting with his international colleagues in different time zones so he gets it and understands that my work is never really ever finished either, it's only paused until another more appropriate time. I set boundaries for myself so that I only bring very minimal work home e.g. maybe do some on one day of the school holidays and never a whole day, just a couple of hours. I only do work at home during term times maybe once a half term (like one Sunday evening every 6 weeks) and only if absolutely unavoidable! Primary, non-SLT.

Plan and resource in PPA; live mark during lessons and give feedback as you go. 🤷

There is absolutely no chance I can do all planning and marking in PPA. No way.

I trained after I was already married - teaching is my second (and main) career so DH saw the PGCE/NQT slog which set the expectations!

This, basically. Though it doesn't stop him leaving the housework to me in the holidays 🙄

What do you do in your PPA? Do you have it all as a single block or is your PPA broken up across the week? I'd imagine it's easier to manage with a single block of PPA. Once I get started and the ball is rolling, I just get it done.

Non-teacher married to a teacher. I'm in a senior management position in healthcare. Minimum 50 hours a week, always working through lunch etc.

I can completely understand the need for lesson prep and marking etc.... however full-time contact hours for secondary teaching in Ireland is 22 hours a week so for the life of me I cannot understand how the lesson prep and marking can't happen in the other 18 hours of a 9-5. There's an awful lot of long lunch breaks and chats in the staff room and investment in school gossip which I find frustrating when he then complains about marking outside of school time!

I hide it well tho!

It is broken up @Margo34 but I still cannot do everything in that time. Something as simple as a jam in the photocopier can lose me quarter of an hour.

I'm the non teacher in our household. Very occasionally DH brings marking home but my experience is similar to Blurp. I'd say I work late/weekends more than DH does.

Plan and resource in PPA; live mark during lessons and give feedback as you go.

With respect, I teach History at GCSE and A level. 'Live marking' during lessons simply isn't doable. I have 30 pupils in a GCSE class and 4 textbooks to cram down them in the 2.5 hours a week I have them for. My current Y12 classes have 28 students in one class and 25 in the other. The school expectation is that I will mark essays at least once a fortnight. That's 26 A level essays per week (ish). Not going to get done in an hour's PPA. They take more than 2 minutes each.

It's not a case of 'tick and flick'. I have 4 hours of PPA a week and as a HOY have quite a lot of pastoral admin to do in that time. I have been teaching for 30 years and have always had to mark out of school time.

@MadMadMadamMim similar, but secondary English.

Plus, live marking is well and good with a spacious classroom and well behaved students but the reality isn’t always that simple!

He goes in for 7am, but always leaves at 3 if he can, or sometimes 4 if he has a meeting. The odd time he'll bring books home to mark, but maybe only once a month or so at most.

He's been teaching for years, so I guess he has a lot of stuff planned already. He's primary, though, don't know whether that makes a difference.

@Darknessinlight My kids are lovely and keen (generally)...but that brings it's own problems! They tend to write a LOT but need to be more succinct and organised or evaluative, rather than descriptive. But they are keen for feedback and how to improve, so want either individual time to talk to them or a decent, clear amount of written comments from me that are actually helpful.

I've spent a lot of time with disruptive and challenging classes in the past though and I know exactly what you mean!

@Darknessinlight @MadMadMadamMim Ahh that does sound a lot of marking! Primary vs Secondary have their different challenges and this one definitely makes me glad I'm Primary. I'm guessing verbal feedback wouldn't meet your school expectations either so I won't patronise anyone with that suggestion!

Headteacher married to a non-teacher - we both leave early 6:30am and arrive home around 5:30pm; if work isn’t completed by then and it’s not an emergency then it will wait.
I try to do as much as I can in the holidays but weekends are sacred and I don’t get PPA or management time.

Not married but I was the teacher and my ex was the non-teacher.

He has always worked jobs with contracted hours and never even checked his work emails outside of work as his day ended the second he left the building.

He could not understand or believe that most evenings and weekends I was busy working when I had been at work all day. And he would accuse me of just not wanting to spend time with him.

I don’t get how people use their PPA time to get all of their planning and marking and everything else done.

It would take me longer than my PPA time to either plan or mark.
So I typically try and do most of my marking during my break and lunch (when I’m not on duty) and use my PPA to mark the rest. It is obviously easier to plan at home than mark because I don’t have to bring all of the books home.

Teacher married to non-teacher, DH completely understands. I can't imagine any sane person thinking that teachers spend their evenings and weekends doing work to avoid more relaxing pursuits. @TrixIrl I'm in primary so slightly different but it's not only planning and marking, there is stuff like making a phone call to a parent, writing up a safeguarding or behaviour issue, emailing/calling to arrange trips and visitors, attending staff meetings or training, preparing and delivering staff training, assessments, referalls to external agencies, liaising with support staff, prepping resources for individual needs and writing up individual plans, all of which could easily take half an hour to several hours each so those 18 hours soon get eaten up.

From a family of teachers, married to a teacher. All jobs are longer hours these days, teaching is nothing special - DH and I are both workers, but he gets the great holidays, lucky duck. My DD is a mental health nurse and that is a tough job.

Thanks, but I’m not looking to be told other jobs are tough. I realise that.

OP, my point is, I don’t think teaching is the uniquely tough job you seem to be implying by starting this thread. My DH was in industry and retrained as a teacher - he deffo works less hours as a teacher, much better work/life balance.

I’m not @HeadNorth . I’m talking about my relationship.