Teacher married to non teacher

[Darknessinlight]

I don’t know if anyone else is in this boat or is married to a teacher and are not a teacher themselves.

DH doesn’t really understand my job. I don’t expect him to but I don’t think he gets that I do need time to work in the evenings or weekends (try not to do both.)

I don’t know if anyone knows what I mean!

Primary teacher and SLT. DDSL.

Arrive 8.15am. Leave between 4-5.30pm, depending on meetings/heavy marking pieces/safeguarding etc. Take nothing home. Everything done during PPA, breaks. I work a few days in the holiday getting my classroom ready.

Our school puts a huge priority on minimising workload and giving kids best value from teacher contact time.

A couple of my colleagues moan about taking work home/working weekends. They're also the colleagues I see sitting in the staff room after school every day chatting for a good while. Their time, their choice how to use it, but I find it bizarre they think they can have it both ways.

Maybe you should look at streamlining what you currently do? Be more time efficient?

Non teacher married to a secondary teacher, SLT and head of year. He works 7am to around 5-5.30 and never in the evenings unless it's a parents eve or event.
Rarely works at weekends or in the holidays.
He does have a crazy busy time of it everyday and I often encourage him to bring work home to relieve pressure in the day but he says he'd rather do it all at school and come home to switch off.

Is that at a senior school @Jumpking? Not snarky, just it's so far from the experience of my teacher friends that I'm curious. I've never been a teacher so have no skin in the game, just wondering.

I wonder also if it depends how long someone has been teaching as the hours were brutal when my friends were starting out, as they were creating all of their lesson plans from scratch.

That's quite a harsh definition of needy

He's a software developer. He really enjoys it and is considerably less stressed. Not saying he doesn't work hard, but he has so much more flexibility and a hugely better work life balance now.

Thankfully I work part time now so I get a good 4 day weekend without thinking about work too much.
Also my DH likes to tinker with his car on an evening in his garage if I'm working.

It took him a while to get used to it but he did eventually.
Got a child now too so my priorities are very different now.

OP, my point is, I don’t think teaching is the uniquely tough job you seem to be implying by starting this thread.

The OP implied nothing of the sort. I have no idea why people constantly accuse teachers of claiming their job is uniquely tough. I've never heard a teacher say that. Expecting anyone to preface any comment they ever make about difficulties in their own job (or indeed life) by saying 'I know that x, y and z jobs are also hard, but....' is silly and unreasonable.

Classic example of claiming a teacher is saying their work is harder than everyone else's when they're absolutely not. People on MN are looking for teachers to say that so that they can point out it's not the case. And obviously it isn't the case, which is fine given the OP never claimed anything of the sort.

RE workload, it obviously depends massively on the school and subject. I do way more now I'm in a tiny primary school with mixed age classes than I did in a 3 form entry, even though the latter had a much stricter marking policy and more observations etc. I've not suddenly become less efficient, it's the nature of my current job role. I imagine history and English teachers work longer hours than PE teachers. Statistically, primary teachers work longer average hours than secondary.

Yep, why are people turning this into a "longer hours" debate again? It's not what the OP asked.

I teach, DH doesn't. He's fab and definitely gets it when I have big marking bottlenecks etc on and the evenings and Sunday afternoons disappear as his job can be a little bit like that too. There's crunch times of year where he's whacking in 14 hour days and I pick up the slack and vice versa.

Am lucky though in that he's very pragmatic and chilled out and I've done a lot to enable him to coach sport to a decent level on some weekends so we very much work as a team.

PS I can't get my marking done in PPA either. A level classes + GCSE alone takes my 2.5hrs a week up. I live mark and do whole class feedback for day to day but assessments and planning eat all that time and my lunch 'hour' (30 minutes).

I'm the teacher in our house and even though I've only done it for six years it's not a problem. I get up early everyday and get to school an hour before I have to go get my marking etc done. There are alway pinch points that mean I'll have to do some work in the evenings but it's not that often these days. My department is amazing though and we share all resources use collective feedback, when appropriate, and help each other when needed. I'm usually a week ahead in my planning and organising depending on the the class but I teach a lot of ks3 so only 1 lesson a week so plan the next lesson straight after.

I think the subject and your colleagues are the biggest factor in work load. The only issue we have are parents evenings as we have a 2 year old and I do them from home and it's hard work trying to entertain him.

I'm not sure my husband appreciates the fact I get up early to get all my stuff done though so it doesn't impact our evenings. I know a lot of ppl who still give almost a full day to planning etc on a weekend.

I don't get how there seems to be a wide spectrum of teachers that never bring any work home to others that go in early stay late and have to work evenings and or weekends.

Thanks for the slightly more sympathetic responses. It does get a bit annoying when you’re told that the reason you can’t mark 150 books and twenty a level essays in two hours is because you’re chatting in the staffroom (our school doesn’t even HAVE a staffroom!) One of the things I have struggled with this year is no adult time at work.

The short working day is perhaps part of the ‘problem’ as I do drop offs and pick ups at nursery and then find DC (understandably!) monopolise my attention until 7pm. Then I have a DH wanting it when I need to get stuff done!

@Darknessinlight yeah how dare your DH want to spend time with his wife, that's completely unreasonable, what a needy fucker.

This obviously isn't sustainable for your marriage, would you consider putting the children in nursery for an extra hour or so in the evening, or having DH share pick ups, so you can get more done in the day?

Non teacher here married to teacher. My DH rarely works outside of work. I on the other hand work most evenings and weekends just to keep on top of the workload.

I just need to point out all schools are different. I’ve worked in four form entry schools schools as a class teacher and could get most work done at a school as planning and resourcing was shared and taught younger children so marking was less. Also no additional responsibilities outside classroom. Taught as a leader in a two form entry school where I only taught part of the week so had time to do my additional responsibilities. Also been a leader in a one form entry school where I had no one to share planning and resourcing with, taught full time so no time to do leadership jobs, all had to be done outside of teaching time. Frequently move year groups etc

Slightly off topic but it does annoy me when people just tell you to manage your time better, without acknowledging their experience may be different. As a secondary English teacher, I guess the marking load is pretty high and not something that can be changed by the OP. She will need to follow school policy.

I’m a teacher married to a non teacher but luckily for me he grew up with teachers so has a better understanding than most. I think sometimes those who have jobs they can leave at work find it frustrating when they want to spend time with a partner who has to work, but that’s just life I guess.

Yea mixed age classes are a bit of a killer.

@MolliciousIntent this is relationships, not AIBU. I’m not here for scathing put downs and acerbic biting sarcasm.

@Italiandreams i don’t have any experience teaching younger children but I do need an hour or so when kids are in bed to get sorted for tomorrow.

Lots of factors I guess.
Type of school you're in, age you teach, subject you teach.
I'm a teacher in a very small village school with a mixed age class so workload is high. It's only manageable being part time but I still work more than I should as it takes time to plan certain subjects (maths) for two year groups.
Marking I've got to say I really struggle with and some stuff goes unmarked. It's not like I don't know if they've struggled though. Usually I can tell during the lesson.
Thankfully we don't have marking scrutinies every two minutes.

I think marking policy has a lot to do with it, and SLT responsibilities.
I have alot of subject responsibility but I do absolutely none of it unless I'm given the time to do so. Head seems on board with that.

Teacher married to a teacher here! That's worse... on a serious note, huge childcare issues in training days and clashing parents' evenings when mine were little and double teacher stress levels.

That aside...Two teachers in the same house - oh my Lord the competitive moaning and bickering we can do ! His days are longer than mine, my holidays are shorter, maths is so much harder, you couldn't possibly understand my marking, my students are worse behaved than yours, my SLT are bigger numpties etc etc. Still, keeps us occupied...

Except for the six week holidays we have to spend together. Teachers married to teachers never get their own time!!

@Darknessinlight I'm sorry, that was bitchy of me. I do think though that you need to recognise that his upset about this is wholly reasonable. It may be unavoidable due to your job, but that doesn't change the fact that it is obviously having an impact on your husband, and your marriage. Shrugging it off as just how things are is not a good long term solution.

I'm a non-teacher married to a teacher. He leaves home at 6.30am to get to school by 7am, and stays at school until 6pm and gets home at 6.30pm almost every day, so they're long days but he gets the vast majority of his work done while he's at school. He very rarely works in the evening or on Saturday but usually does 2-5 hours on a Sunday.

I think he manages his workload really well, we get time in the evening together every day once we've put the children to bed and we have enough time at the weekends to do family stuff.

I imagine history and English teachers work longer hours than PE teachers.

A recent Teacher Tapp poll on this had KS2 as spending most time marking and planning , followed by secondary English which was miles ahead of anything else in secondary!

I do think secondary schools should look at this but won't hold my breath.

@JeanieGenie indeed but if I did those hours - in fact I couldn’t do those hours due to childcare constraints - but if I did, I would never see my kids!

I don’t actually work every single evening but sometimes I have to, and he isn’t ‘upset’ about it so much as he doesn’t accept it. Wanting to cuddle, getting in my way. Just let me be!

We are actually moving house soon and there is a separate office area where I’ll work, I’m hoping that will help.

@Piggywaspushed i can imagine! One of the other problems though is that of course in my holidays I become housekeeper and SAHM too.

Why is this a teacher specific issue? Lots of people I know need to work a few extra hours or evenings?

Surely the fact you finish early most days for childcare offsets that? Your DP sounds a bit attention seeking and needy