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Original poster

Partner won’t get a vasectomy

143 replies

Strawberrylatte · 02/06/2022 07:29

Hi all please could you tell me your thoughts on this please? So me and my partner have been together for 4 years , I have 2 children from a previous relationship and he has 3 children from 2 previous relationships so together we had 5! I said I was happy with 2 and would never have anymore .. anyway he always said little jokes like oh you will .. we will have a baby together one day it’s what he wanted and hoped for us. So being so in love I then came round to the idea and thought it would be so lovely to have our own child and complete our family. I said to him in a light hearted way ok if we did then I’d like you to have a vasectomy, he said yes and was very nice about it. We had our daughter in 2020 and I’m so happy. A few months after we had her I started hinting about the vasectomy and he was like yeah yeah I will. A year after she was born I started getting a little irritated over it and brought it up again then he got very snappy and said I’m forcing him to do it and he doesn’t want to. I explained how I felt over the situation and he seems like he did not care so I left it for a while feeling like am In the wrong ? I’m not on any birth control and I feel like iv done my part I don’t want to have to have a coil put in me anymore … I don’t want to take pills everyday of my life. We do the pull out method it’s worked so far for us but I don’t like the idea. It’s been 2 years now and I brought it up last night he said his scared to do it and I was saying it’s ok to be scared I think iv been nice to him about it to be honest and he storms off sleeps on the sofa and says I’m a really nasty person because the way I talk apparently is all disappointed??!!!

OP posts:
Spohn · 02/06/2022 10:57

Your standards are depressingly low, your updates show your boyfriend to be trash. You need to stop the unprotected shagging, ‘pull out method’ is trying to conceive. Ridiculous.

loislovesstewie · 02/06/2022 10:57

Have you considered female condoms? I know a couple of women who have used them, and they seemed to be happy with that.

IncompleteSenten · 02/06/2022 10:59

You know what men are like, his friends send him vile sex videos...

Er.
No.

That's really not 'what men are like'.

Do you genuinely believe that's what all men are like? Because it's simply not true.

Original poster
Strawberrylatte · 02/06/2022 11:39

@loislovesstewie Iv never thought to try them I’ll look into that thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
Strawberrylatte · 02/06/2022 11:42

@IncompleteSenten I feel most men are yes If this was the other way around though and my friends was to send me videos of men he would 100% have a problem his very jealous but acts as though his not. I once said about the videos and he said agh they just send them around im not going to say please don’t send me the videos because I’m guessing he wouldn’t look like a man doing that bit pathetic I know

OP posts:
IncompleteSenten · 02/06/2022 11:44

I feel really sorry that that's your experience of men. That can't feel very nice for you. I promise you that's not how the majority of men are.

MissNothing1991 · 02/06/2022 11:45

autienotnaughty · 02/06/2022 08:44

You can't pressure someone to have a medical procedure. Regardless of what he said before. But you can choose what you want to do, I'm in a similar situation in that I don't want anymore children nor do I want any more hormones being added so we use condoms. I would like my dh to get a vasectomy but ultimately it's his choice, I don't want my tubes tied either so yes condoms.

What about the copper coil? No hormones

Original poster
Strawberrylatte · 02/06/2022 12:10

Im not working and we rent we are trying to save for a mortgage. I would like to work but at the moment I’m struggling for child care I’m currently looking into It as I would love to work …we definitely can’t afford more children also he pays 3 lots of child support obviously but I do have child support from my ex so it helps

OP posts:
Original poster
Strawberrylatte · 02/06/2022 12:11

@GrazingSheep Iv recently done a few courses to hopefully set myself up my own business im just on hold until I can’t arrange the child care

OP posts:
Original poster
Strawberrylatte · 02/06/2022 12:16

It’s not nice but it’s like I’m being stupid I just get on with that face now but we went to the beach a few weeks ago he was playing with my daughter and my son picked up my partners phone to check the parking and my son was laughing said that my partner had a just sent his friend a text saying oh I’m at the beach watching boobies !

OP posts:
TibetanTerrah · 02/06/2022 12:20

oh I’m at the beach watching boobies

Ffs. This behaviour would be contraceptive enough, as I don't have sex with 13 year old boys.

Original poster
Strawberrylatte · 02/06/2022 12:22

@TibetanTerrah I feel that way at the moment some how that got twisted and we had an fall out over me and a bloke who texted me when we first got together years ago ! Had absolutely nothing to do with it madness

OP posts:
RandomMess · 02/06/2022 12:22

Ewwwwwwwwwww

That's crass, gross and a complete turn off.

He is probably deeply misogynistic and that's why his previous relationships ended. He likes his women trapped, barefoot, pregnant and still shot hot in bed.

Original poster
Strawberrylatte · 02/06/2022 12:24

It seems to be that way there was a lot of red flags when we first got together but you try to ignore them when your all loved up it comes back later !

OP posts:
TibetanTerrah · 02/06/2022 12:26

Strawberrylatte · 02/06/2022 12:22

@TibetanTerrah I feel that way at the moment some how that got twisted and we had an fall out over me and a bloke who texted me when we first got together years ago ! Had absolutely nothing to do with it madness

It just gets worse! his entire attitude is "I'll do what I want and be totally hypocritical about it too, and fuck your feelings".

Honestly I can't think of a single reason NOT to leave him.

ColourMeExhausted · 02/06/2022 12:30

My DH has had a vasectomy. However, when I first broached it with him after the birth of our second DC, he pretty much blanched at the thought. Tbf I went steaming in with 'right it's your turn now mate, my body has been through enough!' And didn't stop to think that I was basically guilting him into a medical procedure that he felt scared about. So we left it a bit, and he did his research (talked to his mates, was surprised how many had had it done!) and then he came and told me he felt ready to do it. It wasn't that he didn't want to, but by sort of steamrollering him into it, I'd not helped. Maybe your DH is feeling like this? Although his behaviour doesn't make it any better...

Spohn · 02/06/2022 12:31

Can you not raise your standards? Absolutely do not get a mortgage with a flaky boyfriend. No, misogynists are not normal, standard or in any way acceptable.

ColourMeExhausted · 02/06/2022 12:32

OK sorry have rtft and the updates. Sorry OP, he's not treating you well.

fossilsmorefossils · 02/06/2022 12:53

I have a lovely extra nephew after my brother and SIL adopted the pull out method. SIL got the coil after that.

Frankly I'd use condoms ot stop having sex if I were you.

OurChristmasMiracle · 02/06/2022 13:06

I would give him 3 options

1- vasectomy
2- condoms
3- no sex

He has every right to change his mind On a vasectomy but the fact that you made it clear you wouldn’t be having anymore means that alternative methods will be necessary and he has no right to complain about that.

Original poster
Strawberrylatte · 02/06/2022 13:25

UPDATE
HIs just told me he will do it but he wants to be put to sleep does anyone know if they let you be put to sleep for it ?

OP posts:
caringcarer · 02/06/2022 13:30

I would be telling him he wears a condom or he does not have sex with me. I think I would be tracking my fertile time too and no sex for those 3-4 days either. If he does not like it he can get a vaccectomy.

Ponderingwindow · 02/06/2022 13:36

If you are done having children and he won’t take any responsibility for birth control, especially after saying he would, I would not engage in acts that risk pregnancy. In simpler terms, I wouldn’t have piv sex. It’s not worth the risk of getting pregnant.

RubricEnemy · 02/06/2022 13:38

Are you, or worse is he, honestly expecting you to research and arrange his vasectomy?

Tell him he's a big boy now. He can make a GP appointment and get it sorted.

Also, condoms. Use condoms every time. I mean, what the hell. You don't want any more children so are using no birth control at all??

caringcarer · 02/06/2022 13:40

He really does not seem much of a catch OP. He is a liar, inconsiderate of your feelings, scared of vasectomy and his friends send him porn. I would dump asap. I would never have had a baby with a man like this. He sounds totally self engrossed.