Hi all, I've ended up here looking for advice and support on here as I feel like I've exhausted my friends with my grief over the last two months. On 26th March my partner of 19 years walked out on me and our two children. I was completely blindsided. Within 5 minutes of him telling me he was leaving he had packed his bags and was gone. I have not seen him since. He said he'd been having an emotional affair for 3 months but I can only assume that that was the tip of the iceberg.
I am struggling with everything at the moment. I'm still not able to eat due to the shock and have lost a stone and a half which at first I was happy about but now as the weight is continuing to drop off I'm not looking or feeling particularly great.
When he left he said I couldn't ask any questions and he wouldn't give me any answers. So 19 years as partners and 22 as friends gone in the blink of an eye and I have no chance of closure.
He did say "I'm leaving you, not the kids" but has barely seen them since. I forgot to say, when he left he said he was going to stay at his parents but he moved straight in with the other woman and has been living with her ever since. I can not fathom how he has switched from one life with his family to a new life with a new woman in the blink of an eye. We have a dog and a cat who he genuinely seemed to love, but he's been able to turn his back on them also. It's like he doesn't have any feelings. I've not spoken to him apart from via text and only about the children. He was being very vile and unreasonable, almost as if it were me that had had the affair!! Now it seems like he is trying to regain his composure as his messages have become a lot more "reasonable" although still rude, it feels like he is punishing me but I don't understand for what. He's the one that left!!
As the fog is slowly starting to life I am seeing that I have been subjected to mental abuse continually over the last 19 years. It is so embarrassing to admit but he has called me "mental" "irrational" and even "schizophrenic" if ever I've questioned his shady behaviour. That's been going on since I had a gut feeling that he'd cheated on me about a year into our relationship. He finally admitted it when he left!!! So I knew in my gut all along but allowed him to make me feel insecure, and genuinely doubt my own mental health for nearly 20 years!!!!!! I'm seeing signs that his complete lack of empathy and compassion and the way that he has controlled me over the years suggests that he is a narcissist. If the cap fits right?!? But how do I deal with this now? I feel so scared. I have two children, a dog, a cat, a house to look after. I have no time for me at all. I have felt so down today, struggling to get my work done. Still unable to eat. How do I start a new reality for myself and my children? I know that I am free from his control, so in the long run him leaving is the best thing I could have asked for, but right now I don't really feel like jumping for joy!! I don't know where to start with rebuilding my life. I don't even think I really know who I am anymore.