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Original poster

I can’t do this at 14 weeks but he’s changed his mind

108 replies

Pricjle · 22/05/2022 09:22

Unplanned pregnancy. Asked DP outright, many times, if he wanted an abortion (I didn’t want this). He said he didn’t. We’ve been to the scans and now I’m 14 weeks and we had a row and he has brought up abortion.

I don’t feel I can do this at 14 weeks… it would be more like 16 weeks by the time I had it done too. I feel so upset and hurt. I asked him so many times earlier on at 6-10 weeks and he swore he didn’t want an abortion. I feel so confused now as I don’t want to go ahead with a baby the dad is suggesting doesn’t want but also I honestly don’t know what I would do if I had an abortion.

OP posts:
Chilledchablis1 · 22/05/2022 09:29

DD’s partner told her to have an abortion when she was 12 weeks . Told her he had realised he wasn’t ready . She dumped him and now has a beautiful little girl .
Don’t have an abortion if you don’t want one.

Chilledchablis1 · 22/05/2022 09:30

Oh and DD copes fine on her own with my support .

Original poster
Pricjle · 22/05/2022 09:35

Thanks for posting @Chilledchablis1

how old is your dd if you don’t mind me asking? My parents wouldn’t be that supportive if they knew I was doing it alone. They would resent me relying on them so I can’t consider them much support although they would probably help a bit financially and wouldn’t completely leave me. I just wouldn’t have practical help.

I can’t say for sure I would have done it at say 8 weeks but I actually asked him so many times. How can he do this to me now. I am so broken.

OP posts:
Chilledchablis1 · 22/05/2022 09:41

DD is in her 30s as is her ex so not kids !
I am sorry you feel your parents won’t be supportive but they might surprise you . Good luck x

saraclara · 22/05/2022 09:42

Asking you to have an unnecessary abortion when you've both seen your baby on the scan, is simply cruel.

Do what is right for you, and send him on his way if he's not going to step up. Your parents should not blame you for his decision to change his mind, so I hope they see sense. Good luck.

Original poster
Pricjle · 22/05/2022 09:44

Thanks I am 30s too and that’s also a factor for me. I’m so sad.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 22/05/2022 09:52

Can you afford to go it alone?
I'm sorry he's been so awful.

AgentJohnson · 22/05/2022 09:54

The problem with relying on someone who is unreliable, is this. Take him out of the equation as to wether you continue with the pregnancy or not. If you do that then you aren’t at the mercy of Mr Hot and Cold.

Good luck.

Holidayroundthecorner · 22/05/2022 09:55

Your decision op. He doesn't get to decide. He needs to help financially but not in any other way - betting you won't need as much support as you fear...everyone in every relationship worries about managing at first!

Original poster
Pricjle · 22/05/2022 09:56

@girlmom21 my mental health can be up and down. But I do have a small home with around 90k left on mortgage. I earn well currently but live in fear of losing my job because of poor mental health. At the moment take home pay is around 2900. I just feel terrified and never wanted a family this way.

OP posts:
iex · 22/05/2022 09:58

You sound like you want this baby, only have an abortion if you want one

Make plans to have it, and without your "d"p.

He is not the one for you, he is showing you who he is. What an areshole, bringing up abortion when you both decided not to. This won't be the last time.

Original poster
Pricjle · 22/05/2022 10:00

I just can’t believe him. I asked him so many times. We’ve seen baby on the scan. I just can’t believe it. I am in pieces.

OP posts:
PuggyMum · 22/05/2022 10:03

If he said he didn't want an abortion in the early weeks why do you keep on asking him?

Derrymum123 · 22/05/2022 10:03

Don't have an abortion to please a man. Do what you feel is best. It feels like you want this baby. Your body = your choice.

Snowflakes1122 · 22/05/2022 10:03

Please leave this man, whatever YOU decide to do in the end (don’t be pressured by him). He sat with you whilst you had scans, saw your baby, now weeks later, he suggests abortion? So very cruel and bad for your mental health. And your mental health is what you need to think about here.

Original poster
Pricjle · 22/05/2022 10:05

@PuggyMum i think because he often didn’t say much and I would ask what was wrong etc but he can be quite moody sometimes anyway. I probably shouldn’t have asked so much he said that himself, he would often ask me why I was asking over and over. I guess I wanted to know he was sure.

OP posts:
PuggyMum · 22/05/2022 10:05

Sorry that may have come across wrong. But I agree with previous posters, this is your decision alone now.

Kione · 22/05/2022 10:06

Look after your mental health, seek help, the midwives were amazing to my through ante natal depression.
Concentrate on yourself, and do what you feel is right for you.
I can't insist enough that seeking help and self care will be the best thing you've done for you and your child if you keep the baby.

cheeseislife8 · 22/05/2022 10:06

If you don't want an abortion, don't have one, it's ultimately your choice. Expecting you to when you've seen the baby on the scan is unfair.
It does sound like you want this baby

jollygoose · 22/05/2022 10:08

If you go ahead and abort the likelihood anyway is that your relationship will break up. He doesen`t now deserve a choice in this go ahead and have the
baby if that is right for you.

Original poster
Pricjle · 22/05/2022 10:08

I just don’t understand him. He doesn’t cope well generally with life. The only thing he does well is his job but he has limited friendships and no social life. It’s very hard for me to understand what he’s thinking sometimes and for him to do this at this point, I just can’t cope.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pricjle · 22/05/2022 10:09

@jollygoose I doubt I would survive it if I had an abortion. I had one about ten years ago very very early on and it destroyed me. We would definitely break up if I had to do that.

OP posts:
billy1966 · 22/05/2022 10:09

He is unreliable and a very nasty piece of work.

I would bet that this is deliberate.

I also would think this relationship is very unhealthy and bringing a baby into it, when your MH is fragile is unwise.

I feel very sorry for you.

Your health is your priority.

Do not include him in this decision, stat thinking about yourself only.

PuggyMum · 22/05/2022 10:10

I understand but that surely should have been his issue to raise. The main question now is what do you want. Take him out the equation as he clearly doesn't know.

KatherineofGaunt · 22/05/2022 10:10

A friend found out she was pregnant around 18 weeks in her late-30s and even though the father didn't want a baby (nor had she before this), she couldn't face an abortion. She switched career to one more family friendly and has been a single parent for the past 13 or 14 years. She and her daughter have an amazing bond and are very happy, although it hasn't always been easy for my friend.

Not much help, I'm sure, but just to let you know that there are stories that go well in this kind of situation. I wish you all the blessings, whatever you decide 🤗