I can’t do this at 14 weeks but he’s changed his mind

[Pricjle]

Unplanned pregnancy. Asked DP outright, many times, if he wanted an abortion (I didn’t want this). He said he didn’t. We’ve been to the scans and now I’m 14 weeks and we had a row and he has brought up abortion.

I don’t feel I can do this at 14 weeks… it would be more like 16 weeks by the time I had it done too. I feel so upset and hurt. I asked him so many times earlier on at 6-10 weeks and he swore he didn’t want an abortion. I feel so confused now as I don’t want to go ahead with a baby the dad is suggesting doesn’t want but also I honestly don’t know what I would do if I had an abortion.

OP, it’s good that you have been offered support from maternity mental health services, please accept all the help that they offer you.

It sounds as though you would be much better off, relationship or not, moving back to be near your family & friends.

Do not feel pressured into having a termination, with the right support and people around you, you absolutely can do this alone.

I think it has to be asked though, were you repeatedly asking your OH if he wanted you to have a termination during this recent argument? Because I do think that changes things slightly and perhaps he was so exhausted with the constant questioning that, in a moment of anger and frustration, he answered “yes”? People do say things that they later regret during arguments.

Someone used to ask me things and would ask over and over until I changed the answer to the one they wanted. They would never believe the truth so in the end I would just think what was it they wanted the answer to be and would tell them all sorts of made up stuff.

Are you sure that the repeated questioning is because you know on some subconscious level that you and your Dp aren’t compatible and you want to move nearer your friends and family and your Dp saying he didn’t want you to have an abortion meant that you wouldn’t be able to split up.
As soon as he said what you wanted him to say it gave you permission to have him move out.

I agree with the poster who said every mother worries if they will cope. The way your BF behaves, it does sound as if he's very immature. I can't imagine anyone waiting till after the scans to drop the bombshell and then blame you for asking him too much... clearly you were asking him to get an accurate answer. Do you think his behaviour is impacting on your mental health?
If you feel that is true, then consider your issue as other posters have advised as a decision for you yourself, and don't rely on the unreliable.
I know that this decision is making you worry and his reaction has made you feel feeling negative about life in general but what I also got from your post is that there were also many positives. So perhaps you should think about what your life would be like if you decide not to keep the baby, as if you do. ie if you don't keep it, would you still want to be around this person? If you do keep it, would you want him around after this? Did you want to have children eventually?
What I take from your post is this...
You are an independent woman in your 30s, with a well-paid job and a home of your own. You have parents who whilst not enthusiastic about the situation would be there for you in an emergency. (you might find they warm up once the baby is here) You even think you could manage a year off work - ( presumably, you would be able to get maternity pay/benefits) So you are on top of all those things.). You've also organised getting a referral for mental health help, which is brilliant. I think that shows that you should give yourself some credit for being more capable than you think, even with your worries about your mental health. Best of luck whatever you decide.

I would have a baby no matter what he said to hurt my feelings out of revenge.

You'll get mental help & will be a great responsible Mum. Don't worry, be happy.

Dump the moody man and keep your baby.
He's just making your mental health worse.
Work on getting a reliable support system in place. Get a therapist. Lean in your friends and family.

There is only one thing wrong in your life, and that's this man who has been playing with your mind. You need to get rid of him before he makes you really ill. Then get the support you need to forget him, and enjoy the baby that you clearly want to have. I think you have a wonderful life ahead.

You don't want an abortion.

He is useless and it's a shame but you can do this by yourself.

Please don't think your mental health means you wouldn't be able to handle a LO @Pricjle . Almost everyone with MH problems can do it, if they reach out to professionals for the help they need.

And this bloke will be making your mental health worse- you might think you're bonkers when a lot of it is down to his behaviour, so you'd feel better without him (or if he somehow suddenly became a different person- unlikely.)