Dating thread 229: Traversing the world of dating

[SortingItOut]

The Rules:

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

Develop a thick skin.

Do not invest emotionally too soon.

It's all BS until it actually happens.

Trust your gut instinct.

People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.

Know your worth.

If it's not fun, stop.

Loo update is mandatory.

No dating the thread.

Treat others as you'd like to be treated

Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with

The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Lollysticks12 ugh, I would just block. He doesn't deserve anything more.

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow I think most older women would be understanding that older men don't have the same stamina as younger men. The key is to make sure that she is not neglected (for example, you don't need to be hard for oral!!!)

@SortingItOut it took a week, but arrangements are in place

@hotnakedgelato I let my fingers do the work & she was not neglected, but it has played on my mind a bit that maybe she thought I did want to have sex with her again as I didn’t have an erection ?
ive read enough comments on the forum (and this thread, let’s be honest) about what some (not all ), think about men who can’t perform or struggle in the bedroom and it’s pretty sobering stuff … and I’m quite well versed in mens health issues.

@SortingItOut his friends invited him, he declined as we were going out for a meal, then I said can we just do drinks as I wanted to have tea with the kids so he accepted, it ran over and there was no signal but he could have just left early when he messaged at 7.50 🤷‍♀️ I've sent my message saying I don't see it going anywhere and he said he's shocked as we got on so well and is really sorry and disappointed but he respects my decision .

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow I think if someone likes you it wouldn't be an issue, if I liked someone and we got along, I would accept this as just the way it was and do other things.

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow I think possibly that because at present the times when sex may happen with Ms H are limited and sporadic there may be a hope/expectation that there is going to be as much sex as possible on the date because neither of you know when it will necessarily happen again. There will be people who hope for/want/need/expect more than once a night and there will be others who don’t have as voracious an appetite for sex. I definitely don’t think that you should castigate yourself for something that is beyond your control or throw yourself on a proverbial scrap heap because you can’t necessarily go for round 2,3 or 4 with a partner. I’d rather have one sexy session with someone I truly liked than being banged into the middle of next week by someone who I was tolerating.

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow my impression from that thread is that it’s much more about someone not being able to have PIV sex at all then the number of times in one night/session.

MrM was a similar age to you and over a weekend would have probably one orgasm and what would probably be described as DE. He was the best sexual partner I think I’ve had and a lot of that was because it wasn’t all about the orgasm, it was about all the other stuff too, and it was all extremely hot.

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow I'm not sure what you mean? You are worried that she thought you weren't interested in her?

Mr S has been giving a brief, matter-of-fact explanation of what's happening with him when he's not getting hard, which I find helpful for not taking anything personally.

You can’t eliminate risk completely. Life involves risk. The only way to eliminate risk is to never do anything or meet anybody.

I tend to have a nosy on LinkedIn and a general Google to see if things add up. I also always have phone and video calls first and don’t meet someone unless I get a good feel for the fact that we’d get on well.

Mr S and I are going on a little weekend trip tomorrow! I really can't wait.

We have only managed to have sex on two occasions (due to schedules) and I am a bit nervous about whether the ED will be an ongoing issue or disappear as he becomes less nervous around me.

@Lollysticks12 think you definitely did the right thing by knocking that one on the head. For me personally I need someone to at least be somewhat organised, and definitely respectful… he showed you neither of those traits! Bad impression, that’s probably the way you’d always be treated.. no wonder he’s single.

no further encounters with Mr Turk as yet,

hope everyone has s LUVVERLY babk holiday jubilee Queenie weekend🤩🤩👑💗💗

@hotnakedgelato have a magical one! Hope the boner stands strong and proud to attention! Like saluting the Queen.. hehe 💗

Second video call with new iron last night, planning our meet on Saturday.

I’m very slightly disarmed by him when we have video calls as he’s just really nice. I know that sounds insipid but it isn’t insipid for some reason. I’m just back from a tough short break with my DC which whilst enjoyable, was also the start of what is probably a whole new “teen” era and as a single parent I found it really challenging. He listened and offered a small amount of very thoughtful and useful advice. We have similar aged kids so maybe that’s part of it, I feel like he gets it. Previous irons had children 18+ and I think I felt under a bit of (self-imposed) pressure to be nailing single parenthood with them.

I am getting THREE new tatts tomorrow! Only small ones but waited long enough for a booking 🥰

Have a wicked time! (In all senses of the word, I hope… 😬)

@ibelieveinmirrorballs is this Mister ‘hope you slept well’.… sounds good you feel more comfortable talking with him about parenthood than previous ones.. hope it goes well for you 🙂

@ibelieveinmirrorballs I think true niceness is anything but insipid! What are you doing on Saturday?

@ButterflyOfShay that's exciting! Care to share any details of them? (But obviously understandable if it is too outing)

@hotnakedgelato …have a fantastic time 🥰
@ibelieveinmirrorballs …Great your new iron looks like a thoroughly nice chap. Fingers crossed for Saturday!
@HowlongWillThisTakeNow …my ex has been my best lover ever and also over 50. He needed a rest after the deed, and I personally prefer that. He would come back round 2 at some point in the wee early hours of the morning and that was super. I personally prefer PIV sex but once a night is absolutely fine if it’s a nice sexy thing. I think it’s absolutely fine but I understand your worry.

@hotnakedgelato two of them are smallish italic lettering and the third a small floral one on the left rib. Ouchy places 😆🥹

@ibelieveinmirrorballs maybe he’s one of those guys who’s genuinely green to OLD and hasn’t been ruined by it yet 😂😂 ie just a genuinely good guy!! They do exist!

Urgh I keep digging myself into holes with Mr Cricket, I asked him if he was working this weekend but forgot to ask the rest of the question then reread my message back and realised it sounded odd so I sent one apologising but still forgot to ask the rest of the question. Ffs all I wanted to ask was if he's not working this weekend did he want to go for a bike ride.

Although I think by now this man knows what I'm like, he's been around long enough to know I'm a scatty cow who says what could have been said in one message in about 5.

My memory is awful at the moment, I keep forgetting things and words (I forgot my pin for the gym the other day). Not sure whether it's just because I'm exhausted and in need of a holiday or something I should worry about.

@Itisreallymee …I’ve been like that at times of extreme stress ( while divorcing and after with stressful situations). I think it’s normal. Check your hormones too as you might be having pre menopause symptoms???I don’t know how old are you but this can strike anytime after 40. Brain fog is a symptom

@Itisreallymee my memory is shocking at moment but then I am peri menopausal so experiencing the fog. However I don't get why you feel you're digging yourself into holes with cricket over merely asking whether he was working over the Bank holiday 🤷‍♀️

@Lollysticks12 I agree you did right thing knocking that iron on head - I wouldn't have been able to move past the smoking lie anyway - although it is on my profiles that I won't date a smoker

Not back on the apps. Did open tinder to have a look but closed it very quickly - so waiting to see if the man of my dreams bumps into me out and about - doubtful but a woman can dream 😄

@Slothmomma and @Mila14 I have thought that, I'm still thinking at 44 I'm still young but yes I'm getting to the age where it could well be perimenopause. This week and year has been stressful and I've not had proper time off since Christmas.

As for digging holes I'm well aware how I was with him when I was unwell and I'm scared of slipping back into that. So what is actually an innocent message I saw as coming across as a bit odd, we were actually talking about my flight being changed and he mentioned he isn't based at the airport I fly from anymore. So I suppose are you working this weekend kind of followed from that and I made a big thing out of nothing.

Yes - tis him... thankfully those messages have dwindled a bit - it's been hard to get any quality chat in over the past few days (which I think is a good thing as to be honest we need to just meet and see) as I've been away. Also and hmm is this an issue you see... I normally go for emotionally avoidant men with rapier-sharp wit and so we can have "hilarious" occasional banter back and forth. He is not like this. He's not 'not funny', but is just a bit more earnest. So I think in the absence of the repartee I start to think 'oh god this is dull'. When we speak on the phone or video call however, it's easy and nice. I feel like when we meet we'll get into more in depth chat - eg about his separation etc. He seems drama-free and calm and decent at this point. And we have interests in common etc.

@hotnakedgelato we're meeting late afternoon in London for a walk/coffee etc - but also have earmarked something that's on that we would both like to go to for a dance in the evening if we want to.

@Itisreallymee it is very instructive for me to read your messages about Mr Cricket because I can't believe you are still tying yourself up in knots about him one year on - and I realise that if I carry on having contact with MrM and trying to be "friends" I run the very real risk of being the same. I spoke with MrM whilst I was away on my break and ended up crying on the phone to him about difficulties I'd had with one of my DC. He was incredibly sympathetic, helpful, etc etc - will always be there and be absolutely lovely when we speak, and would also be up for us carrying on having our mini-adventures if I wanted to. BUT he will never be able to give me what I ultimately want, is offering nothing more than friendship and 'part time pop up boyfriend' experiences, and I think this will erode my self-esteem over time. Do you think there is a correlation between your ongoing anxiety about this "friendship" (which it sounds as though you are the only one angsting over - and I'm very sure this would be the same with my MrM) and your deteriorating mental health these past few months? I intend to try very hard to let MrM go I think - if a friendship is meant to be, it will be, and my trying to cling onto it will not breathe further life into it. It takes two people to sustain a proper friendship, not just one clinging on to it, with the other humouring it because they're too nice not to.

Morning all! Happy long BH weekend. I'm not a royalist but will happily enjoy a day off work regardless of the reason.

Howlong perfection for me is a session when you go to bed, and another one when you wake up. I think many women can't be arsed with multiple times as we need our beauty sleep!😁

hotnaked enjoy your hot naked weekend away!

shay I'd rather sit in a bath of cold beans than have a tattoo, but I love your enthusiasm and I'm sure you'll love the results.