I want regular sex but not a relationship

[ButteredStrumpetWithJam]

I'm in my 50s and have realised I just don't have the headspace or time for a relationship, but I'm really missing sex and flirty male company. My ideal scenario would be a hot man who is on the other end of the phone to come round when I call for sex, do some chores, fuck me, feed me, then fuck off and leave me alone until the next time I call him for sex.

Seriously though, I'd love to meet up once a week maybe once a fortnight, they can cut the grass (or another job I hate), have something to eat (that they buy or prepare), have sex, and if they don't snore they can sleep over. Maybe sex in the morning then they leave. I've had this FWB scenario 3 times in my life and it worked well for me, but these were years ago and I feel out of touch with how to find one of these men now.

What's the most stress-free way of finding someone for this? Do I just go onto an OLD site and state what I'm looking for? I'm a bit concerned about my age making me "invisible" TBH, and I don't want someone married as I don't want to facilitate cheating, so any ideas please?

Wow could you imagine a man coming here to find out how to get a woman who is on the other end of the phone to come round when I call for sex, do some chores, fuck me, feed me, then fuck off and leave me alone until the next time I call her for sex.

FWB yes, fine...but I'm not sure you're being fair about the household chores AND providing you with food as well.

Why do the chores and feeding you feature in this?

@GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat

As for the "can you imagine a man coming here", well I'm NOT a man am I, and we all know the power inbalance between men and women, and how it's seen as acceptable for men to shag around but women are still labelled slags and sluts, so stop with the offense. Besides, in my opinion it's better to be up front so that it minimises the risk of people getting hurt.

Generally the men who agree to this are the married variety!

Know what you mean though, sounds like a FWB scenario.

It's not the shagging around! It's the chores, food, fuck off.... What are you bringing to this arrangement?

Fabswingers?

Not sure anyone could be bothered with your list of chores though!

Out of interest, hope it's not out of order to ask, are you on HRT?

I've had FWBs and in my experience, you want more than one to get a once a week / fortnight experience. If you meet a man who wants to see you that often, isn't annoying when you see him that often, is good at all the stuff you want and is that available.... he becomes your boyfriend. And that's a whole nother kettle of fish.

a FWB who has anything going for him won't be available at your convenience, realistically, which is another reason why you want more than one. The food one, the grass-cutting one, the funny one, the cultural one, the one you watch a certain box set with.... it's better that way as they don't annoy you for all the things they don't do AND on any given free evening it's more likely someone will be available.

I met mine on tinder but we're going back 3 or 4 years now and I gather from friends that men on tinder might be getting worse. You have to screen very, very selectively to find men who you have have a respectful, sexy friendship with. You can find them if you are prepared to keep ruthlessly throwing aside the arseholes at the first sign.

Be safe - don't tell anyone anything identifying or give real contact details until you are pretty sure he is friendly, because a surprising number of completely slutty men go very strange and possessive really quickly and will badger you with their emotional bullshit.

The two most upsetting things to me about being on tinder (I didn't get much actual sexual abuse, which is not my friends' experience, don't know why) were:

1 - how much so many men despise women (throw these aside fast), esp one who might conceivably fuck them;
2 - of the others, how incredibly sad and desperately lonely so many of them are

So be strong, or get introduced some other way

@cabansunset I actually meant to put food OR chores but there's no edit feature here. Having both would be greedy, but I it would be my ideal scenario

Why do the chores and feeding you feature in this?
@lightfalling because over the years I've been hurt by men getting rather a lot from me for little effort from them. Lying their way into my pants. Plus, and maybe I'm wrong here, but I think genuine no strings, no hassle sex is high value in the minds of many men. Many will pretend to want more from a woman to get it but when they're found out that's BS it can cause upset and drama. So to have a woman be up front, offering them something really fun and stress free, they should be greatful in my opinion. In return for that ease I'd like them to do something for me, and my thing happens to be food and doing things for me that I don't like.

It’s very, very easy for any woman to get all the casual sex she wants. All she needs to do is set up an OLD profile stating clearly that she is looking for ‘no-strings fun’, accompanied by a few flirty photos displaying a bit of cleavage then take her pick from the hundreds of eager replies she will get from (mostly married) men.

You'd have to be amazing in bed to get them willing to do your chores. Maybe you could feed him now and again? But if it's casual sex you want, as a woman you'll find it straight forward enough to find a man who's up for that. I had a few shags from online dating before I met my husband on there.

@Musttryharder2021 Thanks for the Fabswingers idea, I'll look at that 🙂
The chores wouldn't be a list, I'd only like them to do 1 thing eg cut my small lawn (as I find stuff like that rather attractive, and it's also not a job I like doing myself). So either bring food (or go out for an inexpensive meal, so £25 max) or cut the grass

Yes, I'm on HRT. Let's just say, it's put a spring back into my step and a glint in my eye! 😄😉

How realistic is this to achieve?

In my experience, the limiting factor is the population of alright men whom you'd want to have around / in your house / in your knickers.

There is probably also a limiting factor in terms of repeat encounters, in that a lot of men really do get a kick out of literal first time encounters whereas for a lot of women (including me) I would have a better time knowing someone a bit more and liking them to a reasonable level. I think men who want to keep coming back to the same woman are very likely to want to "move things on" (ugh) and get you on full blown quasi wife duty.

What you are looking for is called a "service sub" and they do exist, I had one for a while but I didn't like it much. I actually want to spend time with someone, not sit around doing nothing while they clean the bathroom.

Anyway, try FetLife, join some forums there, you'll find local events, it might work out for you!

Or, if you're midlands, I can send my ex your way - he's a decent cook, brought the food, cleaned up after himself, offered massages and foot rubs, would do any household chores as requested, good with tech, planned long walks and that sort of thing, did gardening, would buy things I requested, always brought chocolates and flowers and very attentive in bed.

It's easy to achieve with OLD. You also have to be very good at filtering out the married ones. And also at managing your diary. But there are the unmarried ones who are just looking for FWB. I agree that having more than one increases the chance of filling available slots in your own schedule.

Single women are a lot more acceptable than single men on the swinging scene, and it can be great fun, but it doesn't suit everyone, so you need to think about how you'd feel about it and where your boundaries are.

I'm finding sex is a lot better at 49/50 than it was in my early 30s when I was last dating, but I think I have some different priorities, as fo men, so some of it's just age.

The chores wouldn't be a list, I'd only like them to do 1 thing eg cut my small lawn (as I find stuff like that rather attractive, and it's also not a job I like doing myself). So either bring food (or go out for an inexpensive meal, so £25 max) or cut the grass

That wouldn't work for me, feeling like I'm paying them with sex in return for them doing something. I'm not against someone cutting the grass (having mown the lawn at lunchtime,) but not as a transactional thing.

@SenselessUbiquity thanks you so much for all that great advice 😊When I had the first 2 FWBs they were on rotation, so each only saw me once a fortnight. They were ex-BFs who I obviously knew, and knew I didn't want them for more than a take-away, Netflix and chill, and sex. It worked well for all of us. The last one was about 8 years ago who I found on Plenty of Fish I think. That was great for 6 months until he moved the goalposts then went silly messing me about.

I think you're right that there won't be one man who ticks all the boxes or wants to visit every week, and actually I'd prefer to have 2 or 3 on the go so we don't get too attached.

You're right about the men on OLD! It's a minefield and I'm prepared to have zero tolerance of iffy behaviour when trawling those sites. I did OLD on and off for years and there's some right horrors, but they did make for amusing stories in hindsight!

fabswingers might be of interest to you

My ideal scenario would be a hot man who is on the other end of the phone to come round when I call for sex, do some chores, fuck me, feed me, then fuck off and leave me alone until the next time I call him for sex.

some men might go for that, others would ( I suspect), just tell you to f’ off.

FwB, fuck buddy, casual sex, fine. But rewarding a man with sex for doing 'chores' is basically prostituting yourself, just for a reward other than cash. The sex should be on an equal footing. Wouldn't you rather they satisfied you in the bedroom rather than by doing chores? Because if they think they've earned the sex by being your domestic slave, they might well consider the bedroom activities as for their pleasure only.

Maybe they could bring their dirty laundry for you to wash and iron while they're mowing your lawn?

You'd have to be amazing in bed to get them willing to do your chores. Maybe you could feed him now and again?

@Furrbabymama87 I'd be prepared to feed them now and again. But what I don't want is another one like my last BF, who despite being a "nice" bloke, would visit, eat my food (that I'd organised, prepared and cooked), drink my booze, never lift a finger or contribute, or put any thought into what we could do. Now I'm thinking it's not much to ask for a man to come with a bottle of cheap wine and a pizza, or cut my small lawn, "in exchange" for some pretty good no strings sex. When I'm seeing it through transactional eyes they're getting a damn good deal.

Why is he an ex if he's so perfect?