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Original poster

I want regular sex but not a relationship

111 replies

ButteredStrumpetWithJam · 19/05/2022 13:25

I'm in my 50s and have realised I just don't have the headspace or time for a relationship, but I'm really missing sex and flirty male company. My ideal scenario would be a hot man who is on the other end of the phone to come round when I call for sex, do some chores, fuck me, feed me, then fuck off and leave me alone until the next time I call him for sex.

Seriously though, I'd love to meet up once a week maybe once a fortnight, they can cut the grass (or another job I hate), have something to eat (that they buy or prepare), have sex, and if they don't snore they can sleep over. Maybe sex in the morning then they leave. I've had this FWB scenario 3 times in my life and it worked well for me, but these were years ago and I feel out of touch with how to find one of these men now.

What's the most stress-free way of finding someone for this? Do I just go onto an OLD site and state what I'm looking for? I'm a bit concerned about my age making me "invisible" TBH, and I don't want someone married as I don't want to facilitate cheating, so any ideas please?

OP posts:
Original poster
ButteredStrumpetWithJam · 19/05/2022 16:23

May I ask how old you are though @Birkenshock

OP posts:
Dweetfidilove · 19/05/2022 16:23

Birkenshock · 19/05/2022 16:10

My bio on tinder is "if a man isn't feeding me, fucking me, or financing me, I'm probably not interested".

I promise it works Wink

Love it 😀

SoManyTshirts · 19/05/2022 16:23

I’m over 60, in my experience you need to meet them half way. Sex is for both of you. They do a chore or set up a day out, you provide the food. Or they feed you, you organise Netflix and drinks. 50:50.

Birkenshock · 19/05/2022 16:29

@ButteredStrumpetWithJam Sorry - not able to quote your reply! I'm 36, so not "young" young, but genuinely no shortage of men willing to participate in this sort of arrangement, although the last few have been keen on it initially but I actually think men develop feelings faster than a woman who knows what she wants does. Like - I know I'll never live with a man again. Zero interest in it. Men like the idea of sex/nice dinners/good company, and when they've found a woman who fulfills this, they seem to want to keep her and get possessive/jealous quickly.

Give tinder a try! Essentially - cast your net wide, go on a SHIT LOAD of dates I reckon, you'll be able to screen out the ones that dont tick your boxes soon enough!

DeskInUse · 19/05/2022 16:32

Grin you'll have no problem with the fucking, and maybe even the odd meal out, but chores?? If you find that send him my way

MrsBlaue · 19/05/2022 16:33

So you are expecting the man to cut your grass for you, buy you food and sleep with you in exchange for what, a shag that’s ten a penny on Tinder?😄
You really are out of touch, I agree.

Original poster
ButteredStrumpetWithJam · 19/05/2022 16:34

@SoManyTshirts was your experience with FWB type arrangements or in romantic relationships?

OP posts:
MrsBlaue · 19/05/2022 16:36

ButteredStrumpetWithJam · 19/05/2022 13:40

@GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat

As for the "can you imagine a man coming here", well I'm NOT a man am I, and we all know the power inbalance between men and women, and how it's seen as acceptable for men to shag around but women are still labelled slags and sluts, so stop with the offense. Besides, in my opinion it's better to be up front so that it minimises the risk of people getting hurt.

I can’t speak for older generations but in my mind a woman enjoying sex is not an offence. The word “slag” is used is the same way as “prick” - it’s gender-stereotyped but doesn’t actually mean anything. If I wanted to have multiple connections going because I like sex, I absolutely would, with no shame.

MrsBlaue · 19/05/2022 17:07

ButteredStrumpetWithJam · 19/05/2022 16:01

Thanks for the tips @Besttobe8001 and @WomanHere 😎

Interesting to hear your experiences too @Besttobe8001 🙂I do find it odd that on the one hand we often hear "expect more from men, you are the prize" from posters when an OP is talking about romantic relationships, but when I expect a man to bring something small to the table other than his cock, when I'm offering valuable (to men) no stress no strings sex, I'm somehow delusional. Looking at it with a transactional head it's still a bloody good deal for the man!

The line “bring something small to the table other than his cock” really cracked me up😆

TheClitterati · 19/05/2022 17:32

OOh I used to have a man like this OP - and he was fantstic at doing DIY & he really liked doing it for me, plus he was excellent at sex & very fir and attractive. Sigh! Those were the days. We were FWB for 25 years (but only when I wasn't in other relationships). Sadly I have now move too far away so I've only seen him a couple of times in the last few years.

I am encouraged by your post - I am happliy single with no desire for a relationship. But a FWB every few weeks would be nice. Maybe I will look for another ......

SoManyTshirts · 19/05/2022 17:42

ButteredStrumpetWithJam · 19/05/2022 16:34

@SoManyTshirts was your experience with FWB type arrangements or in romantic relationships?

@ButteredStrumpetWithJam I was thinking of more recent FWB although I guess it goes for both. ONS yes I’d expect them to be wining and dining me … if we’re friends I’ll take a cup of tea and a biscuit now we’re all retired!

EBearhug · 19/05/2022 19:23

I'm still very aware of my age and how low value older women are to men and society

I've just turned 50, and there are plenty of interested men on OLD.

5128gap · 19/05/2022 19:39

You need a young one OP. You will find far more of them keener on this sort of thing than the older ones, and better at it, with very little chance of them expecting more than you want to give. (Though it can happen.)Tbf, you might need to cook for him, but he will have other strengths.
Ignore the low value thing. Ime that's only true for old men who are obsessed with youth. Young men don't have this obsession because young women are not a novelty for them. An experienced, attractive, no strings older woman is a novelty, and also their birthday and Christmas at once.
Set your age range 25 to 35 on OLD and see for yourself.

DixonD · 19/05/2022 22:35

Since when does a FWB mow the lawn?

BanjoKnockers · 19/05/2022 22:49

EBearhug · 19/05/2022 19:23

I'm still very aware of my age and how low value older women are to men and society

I've just turned 50, and there are plenty of interested men on OLD.

This is true. However, they have just turned 70!

BanjoKnickers · 19/05/2022 22:50

DixonD · 19/05/2022 22:35

Since when does a FWB mow the lawn?

It depends what the "benefits" are ...

Original poster
ButteredStrumpetWithJam · 20/05/2022 07:00

DixonD · 19/05/2022 22:35

Since when does a FWB mow the lawn?

Since whenever a couple decide that's the deal. Bartering as its most basic. eg I've heard it said that basically marriage is a couple making conscious and subconsciuous deals with each other, so this is just being very upfront about what the deal is. Let's have some good sex, you mow the lawn, and in return I won't expect more from you, eg monogamy, commitment, texts from dawn til dusk

OP posts:
SenselessUbiquity · 20/05/2022 07:44

ok well yeah, but, I think you will struggle to get exactly what you want if you visualise it too precisely up front. Like when you go out shopping with a certain pair of trousers in mind, that should exist... they won't. you should define what you are looking for with more general objectives like "friendly and wants to be helpful without being intrusive" will probably work better than being as specific as "grass cutting" for instance

EBearhug · 20/05/2022 08:27

This is true. However, they have just turned 70!

No, I'm getting them my own age.

Pythian · 20/05/2022 08:58

Libertaire · 19/05/2022 13:55

It’s very, very easy for any woman to get all the casual sex she wants. All she needs to do is set up an OLD profile stating clearly that she is looking for ‘no-strings fun’, accompanied by a few flirty photos displaying a bit of cleavage then take her pick from the hundreds of eager replies she will get from (mostly married) men.

Don't do this, unless you want a deluge of blurry dick pics from men who think that "no strings" = "no effort". And I wouldn't bother with Fabswingers either. It seems to have become a repository for men who can't even be bothered to do the bare minimum of "chat for a bit and then meet for a coffee" that they think they'd need to do on Tinder.

Pythian · 20/05/2022 09:19

In answer to your question, OP, I really wish I knew. I was recently looking for similar arrangement (although I don't have a lawn 😆 and I don't really want them staying over) but I've more or less given up because men seem unwilling to go through the initial "meet somewhere public first so I don't end up being murdered" thing. They just want the sex to happen straight away. I'm thinking that my age and my attractiveness level make me "not worth the effort" and they reckon I should be grateful that they want to fuck me under any circumstances. Anyway, as you can tell, I'm pretty disillusioned and I'm now looking forward to the menopause, which will hopefully kill off my desire for sex.

Pinkdelight3 · 20/05/2022 09:24

My friend who's over 50 has a few 'lovers' on the go at any one time. She's tagged on dating sites as a 'ethical non-monogamist' (if I've remembered right) and that seems to be the term for wanting decent sex partners with no strings. Some of them are hot younger guys who like older women. Don't think anyone does any chores though. It's really just about the sex and not being treated badly.

VanGoghsDog · 20/05/2022 10:58

Don't do this, unless you want a deluge of blurry dick pics from men who think that "no strings" = "no effort".

Most apps don't allow you to send photos. I've never been sent a dick pic on a dating app (well, other than on Fab or AFF where you expect it, but that was years ago).

If you're getting these on WhatsApp then you need to improve your screening process.

PeekAtYou · 20/05/2022 11:03

I'd get a tradesperson to do the chores once a month or whatever which would increase the FWB pool because your requirements sound unappealing unless you have more to offer that you haven't mentioned?

MrsSkylerWhite · 20/05/2022 11:04

Birkenshock · 19/05/2022 16:10
My bio on tinder is "if a man isn't feeding me, fucking me, or financing me, I'm probably not interested".

I promise it works Wink“

😳